CHAPTER 4: Love, Intimacy, and Sexual Communication
1. In the 1700s marriages were _______.
a. motivated by love and intimacy
b. motivated by a couples desire to make a lasting commitment
c. formed based on the decision of the couple.
d. formed to increase the wealth of both families
Answer: D
Rationale:
During that period in American history, a “good match” was considered one that increased
the wealth of both families, through the professional “prospects” of the young man to earn a
good living and the young woman’s dowry, usually money, land, or other property given to
the groom’s parents in exchange for “allowing” the woman to marry their son.
2. Ana is a 25-year-old unmarried female. If living during the 1700s, Ana would _______.
a. be forced to pay a “singles” tax
b. be considered unmarriageable
c. engage in bundling in order to find a mate
d. raise her sibling’s children
Answer: B
Rationale:
Unmarried women acquired the status of unmarriageable “old maid” between the ages of 22
and 27.
3. “Bundling” was a method used for _______.
a. hurrying the courtship process
b. prolonging intimacy
c. identifying unmarriageable women
d. forcing unmarried men to pay a bachelorhood tax
Answer: A
Rationale:
One method for hurrying the courtship process along was a practice called bundling, in which
the “engaged” couple was allowed, and even encouraged, by both sets of parents to sleep in
the same bed on a regular basis in one of their homes.
4. Bart is seeking a potential romantic partner who is between 25 and 35 years of age. All
individuals who meet Bart’s criteria are referred to as _______.
a. being within his proximity
b. synchronization
c. his field of eligibles
d. selection similarity
Answer: C
Rationale:
Each of us has a set of criteria that determines whether a person is a possible candidate for an
intimate relationship. Those who meet our criteria – that is, those we perceive as having
potential as a romantic partner – are referred to as our field of eligibles.
5. Which of the following is a research finding about the effects of physical attractiveness?
a. Attractive children are less popular with both classmates and teachers.
b. Attractive applicants are paid less than their lesser attractive colleagues.
c. Attractive people are found guilty less often in court.
d. Attractive people are reacted to less favorably than lesser attractive people.
Answer: C
Rationale:
The influence of physical attractiveness goes well beyond how drawn one person is to
another. For example, in court, attractive people are found guilty less often. When they are
found guilty, they receive more lenient sentences.
6. According to the matching hypothesis, people _______.
a. seek out others who had similar life experiences
b. seek out others who have characteristics similar to their own
c. are attracted to others who live and work in their geographical area
d. are attracted to others who share their level of physical attractiveness
Answer: D
Rationale:
According to a psychological theory called the matching hypothesis, people tend to seek
romantic and sexual partners who possess a similar level of physical attractiveness to their
own.
7. Which of the following is an example of the proximity effect?
a. Carla and Dan attended the same college and married each other.
b. Erin is attracted to Francine because they look alike.
c. Greg and Geoff are friends because they both like baseball.
d. Helga and Ian have very wealthy parents.
Answer: A
Rationale:
Various studies have shown that as you spend more time in close proximity to other people,
whether by living close by, working in the same office, taking many of the same classes, and
so on, you are more likely to develop positive feelings toward them.
8. According to the _______, humans have a natural tendency to grow fonder of a novel
stimulus the more they are exposed to it.
a. proximity effect
b. mere exposure effect
c. matching hypothesis
d. field of eligibles theory
Answer: B
Rationale:
One explanation for the influence of proximity on relationships is a psychological principle
called the mere exposure effect. Research has shown that humans appear to have a natural
and usually unconscious tendency to grow fonder of a “novel stimulus” as they see it more
often.
9. People are more apt to become romantically involved with others who _______.
a. possess characteristics different than their own
b. possess characteristics similar to their own
c. live in a state other than their own
d. are more attractive than themselves
Answer: B
Rationale:
People are more likely to be attracted to and become romantically involved with others who
possess attitudes, interests, and personality characteristics similar to their own.
10. Which of the following statements about flirting behaviors is true?
a. Flirting is more common in Western societies.
b. Flirting usually begins when a man touches a woman’s arm or shoulder.
c. Flirting behaviors vary widely from society to society.
d. Flirting behaviors are similar in all humans and usually follow predictable patterns.
Answer: D
Rationale:
Flirting may be defined as subtle behaviors designed to signal sexual or romantic interest in
another person, and humans across all cultures share the tendency to flirt. The behaviors
involved in the flirtation process are quite similar in all humans and tend to follow fairly
predictable patterns.
11. Janette is in a bar and is making eye contact with a man across the room. Janette is in the
_______ stage of flirting.
a. synchronization
b. approach
c. touch
d. swivel and turn
Answer: B
Rationale:
The initial contact between potential partners begins with a look usually from the woman.
The cliché “their eyes met across a crowded room” appears to contain a grain of truth; a
woman will scan a room of potentially desirable men and settle on one who piques her
interest the most.
12. When a man and a woman are flirting with each other, it’s usually the woman who
_______.
a. talks more than the man
b. approaches the man to begin a conversation
c. initiates the first touch
d. ends the flirtation
Answer: C
Rationale:
If all has been going well in the “swivel and turn” stage of the flirtation process, the next step
is a clear escalation in the flirtation game: touching. The woman initiates the first touch,
which will be a subtle, seemingly “accidental” brief touch of his hand when she laughs at
something witty he has said, or picking a piece of lint from his shoulder, among others.
13. Which of the following is the correct order in which the steps of flirting occur?
a. approach, talk, swivel and turn, touch, synchronization
b. talk, swivel and turn, approach, touch, synchronization
c. swivel and turn, approach, synchronization, touch, talk
d. synchronization, approach, swivel and turn, talk, touch
Answer: A
Rationale:
According to Perper & Fox (1980), the five steps in a typical flirting episode have been
labeled the approach, talk, swivel and turn, touch, and synchronization.
14. While talking, Ken and Louis periodically turn toward to each other. Ken and Louis are in
the _______ stage of flirting.
a. swivel and turn
b. touch
c. synchronization
d. approach
Answer: A
Rationale:
During the swivel and turn stage, the flirting pair will typically be standing or sitting side by
side rather than face to face. As they continue to talk and become acquainted, the will begin
to shift their stances, little by little, toward each other.
15. What is meant by the term reciprocity of attraction?
a. People tend to love their partner unconditionally.
b. People tend to love others who have higher self-esteem than themselves.
c. People need to feel that others like them back in approximately the same way.
d. People need to feel worthy of their partner’s love.
Answer: C
Rationale:
The term reciprocity of attraction means that if you like or love someone, you need to feel
that the other person likes or loves you back approximately in the same way and amount.
16. According to Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, the three fundamental components of
love are _______.
a. intimacy, infatuation, passion
b. passion, commitment, infatuation
c. intimacy, passion, commitment
d. passion, liking, infatuation
Answer: C
Rationale:
Robert Sternberg calls his model the triangular theory of love because he conceptualizes the
three fundamental components of love – intimacy, passion, and commitment – positioned at
the three corners of a triangle, forming various combinations that define the qualities of a
relationship.
17. Quincy and Roberta have a sexually charged relationship, know little about each other,
and have no interest in pursuing each other as long-term partners. According to the triangular
theory of love, this relationship is based on _______.
a. intimacy
b. commitment
c. romance
d. infatuation
Answer: D
Rationale:
According to Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, if two people are just bursting with
passion and sexual heat for each other, but do not feel particularly intimate and are not
committed to any sort of short-term or long-term relationship, they are experiencing
infatuation.
18. According to the triangular theory of love, which type of love is based on commitment
only?
a. empty love
b. fatuous love
c. companionate love
d. consummate love
Answer: A
Rationale:
According to Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, empty love relationships occur when the
individuals involved do not feel any intimacy or passion for each other.
19. Stephanie has been married for five years. She and her husband enjoy intimacy and
passion, but their relationship lacks a sense of commitment. According to the triangular
theory of love, this couple is experiencing _______ love.
a. empty love
b. fatuous love
c. companionate love
d. romantic love
Answer: D
Rationale:
According to Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, romantic love relationships occur when
the individuals involved connect on an emotional and personal level in addition to feeling
physically attracted to one another. But due to the circumstances of the situation or other
involvements in their lives, they do not choose to commit to one another.
20. Carlos and Charlie share a strong sexual bond and work hard to make their relationship
last over the long term. According to Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, this couple is
experiencing _______ love.
a. empty love
b. fatuous love
c. companionate love
d. romantic love
Answer: B
Rationale:
According to Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, fatuous love relationships occur when the
individuals involved are very physically attracted to each other and share a strong sexual
bond between them. They also feel a strong commitment to making the relationship last over
the long term, but they lack intimacy.
21. Ted and Ursula are truly committed to each other and enjoy intimacy, but have lost the
passion in their relationship. According to the triangular theory of love, what type of love
lacks passion?
a. consummate love
b. fatuous love
c. companionate love
d. romantic love
Answer: C
Rationale:
According to Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, companionate relationships occur when
the individuals involved are truly in love and are committed to each other, and who enjoy all
or most of the characteristics relating to intimate love or liking, but they lack passion for each
other.
22. Violet and Vicky have a relationship that possesses intimacy, passion, and commitment.
According to the triangular theory of love, what type of love includes these components?
a. consummate love
b. fatuous love
c. companionate love
d. romantic love
Answer: A
Rationale:
According to Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, consummate love relationships occur
when the individuals involved possess all three basic components of love: intimacy, passion,
and commitment.
23. Which theory states that people follow individual psychological motifs in relating to a
love partner?
a. styles of love
b. triangular theory of love
d. proximity effects
Answer: A
Rationale:
According to John Allen Lee’s theory of love, people follow various psychological motifs in
relating to a love partner. He divided these patterns into six major categories that he called
styles of love.
24. While attending a conference, Morris meets Noemi and they immediately become lovers.
Although they feel very passionate about each other, their relationship may not last very long.
This is an example of which style of love?
a. eros
b. ludus
c. storge
d. agape
Answer: A
Rationale:
In his theory of love styles, John Allen Lee conceptualized eros love as erotic, passionate
love. Eros lovers tend to place emphasis on romance and physical beauty, and feel an urgent
sexual desire and strong attraction to their potential partners. This style of love typically
contains a level of passion that cannot be maintained for long, and relationships based on eros
love tend to burn out quickly.
25. When Oliver meets a new woman, he is extremely attentive, affectionate, and charming
until he has sex with her. He then quickly becomes bored and begins thinking of his next
challenge. His behavior is an example of _______ love.
a. mania
b. ludus
c. storge
d. agape
Answer: B
Rationale:
According to John Allen Lee’s styles of love, ludus lovers like to flirt, play the field, and
typically move rapidly from one relationship to another. They are unlikely to form a lasting
commitment, and tend to avoid serious relationships, often ending a relationship just when it
appears to be at its closest and most satisfying stage. At times, they will begin a new
relationship before ending the current one so that they are never without the rush and
excitement of the pursuit.
26. According to the styles of love theory, storge love is characterized by _______.
a. passion
b. intimacy
c. friendship
d. selflessness
Answer: C
Rationale:
According to the styles of love theory, storge love is characterized by the central theme of
friendship. Those who adhere to this style usually begin with a close friendship and take a
long time to develop feelings of love.
27. According to the styles of love theory, what is mania love?
a. a love based on passion and eroticism
b. a selfless, unconditional type of love
c. a possessive, dependent type of love
d. a love based on caring and friendship
Answer: C
Rationale:
According to the styles of love theory, mania love is possessive, dependent, and often
controlling. Mania lovers are constantly fearful that their partner will leave and must be
constantly reassured that the relationship is intact.
28. According to the styles of love theory, _______ love is a style in which partners are
selected in a businesslike way.
a. eros
b. agape
c. storge
d. pragma
Answer: D
Rationale:
According to the styles of love theory, pragma lovers go about selecting their partners in a
businesslike way based on rational, practical criteria. One can’t really say that they fall in
love; rather, they decide to love the partner who best fits their requirements.
29. Pauline strives to give her partner whatever he wants without the expectation of receiving
anything in return. According to the styles of love theory, Pauline is engaging in _______
love.
a. mania
b. agape
c. storge
d. pragma
Answer: B
Rationale:
According to the styles of love theory, agape love is a selfless love, and agape lovers offer
their partners a self-sacrificing, altruistic love. They strive to give to their partners whatever
he or she may want or need without any expectation of receiving anything in return.
30. According to the textbook, the amount of self-disclosure a person engages in is usually a
function of their _______.
a. initial physical attraction to another person
b. need to be in a relationship
c. level of self-confidence
d. perceived closeness of the relationship
Answer: D
Rationale:
Self-disclosure is the process of revealing personal, private, and intimate thoughts, feelings,
and information to another person. How much a person reveals to a partner is usually a
function of the perceived closeness of a relationship.
31. According to Gottman, it is _______ that determines the happiness and success of a
relationship.
a. how much a couple fights and argues
b. a couple’s style of fighting and arguing
c. their level of passion
d. the amount of romance
Answer: B
Rationale:
Gottman’s research has demonstrated that it is not how much a couple fights and argues, but
rather their style of conflict that determines the happiness of their relationship. Gottman
claims that by examining a couple’s communication and conflict styles, he can predict a
relationship’s outcome with around 90 percent accuracy.
32. According to Gottman, couples that use _______ communication resolve conflicts
through calm discussion and compromise.
a. volatile
b. validating
c. conflict-avoiding
d. self-disclosing
Answer: B
Rationale:
According to Gottman, in validating communication, conflicts are resolved through calm
discussion and compromise. Both partners listen and seek to understand each other’s
problems, feelings, and points of view.
33. Xavier and Yolanda solve their conflicts by fighting until they can reach a conclusion that
they both can accept. What does Gottman call this type of communication?
a. volatile
b. validating
c. conflict-avoiding
d. self-disclosing
Answer: A
Rationale:
According to Gottman, volatile couples don’t hold back and they readily express their
feelings in strong terms. They solve their conflicts by fighting them out (although they avoid
fighting tactics that devalue or belittle the partner) until they reach some conclusion both can
accept.
34. Which of the following describes Gottman’s conflict-avoiding communication style?
a. conflicts are resolved through calm discussion
b. conflicts are resolved by fighting them out
c. conflicts are resolved by reaching a mutually acceptable conclusion
d. conflicts are downplayed and resolution is not important
Answer: D
Rationale:
Couples referred to by Gottman as conflict avoiders may find happiness and long-term
success through the shared perception of a strong similarity between them and the apparent
lack of importance they place on any differences or disagreements when they do occur. They
downplay conflicts and are not particularly concerned with reaching a mutual resolution.
35. According to Gottman, complaining is _______.
a. healthy because it is an expression of each partner’s needs
b. unhealthy because it is a form of blaming
c. unhealthy because it expresses disrespect
d. healthy because it leads to stonewalling
Answer: A
Rationale:
Gottman’s research draws a clear distinction between complaining and criticizing.
Complaining is the expression of an unmet need, something a person desires but is not
receiving. He maintains that complaining is healthy because it expresses each partner’s needs,
which allows for the need to be met.
36. According to Gottman, _______ is the result of blaming an unmet need on one’s partner.
a. complaining
b. criticism
c. contempt
d. controlling
Answer: B
Rationale:
According to Gottman, criticism involves an attack on the partner’s actions. The unmet need
begins to be blamed on the partner
37. Zora and Anthony insult each other to the point that their interactions are abusive.
According to Gottman, Zora and Anthony use _______ as their main communication style.
a. defensiveness
b. criticism
c. contempt
d. stonewalling
Answer: C
Rationale:
According to Gottman, contempt implies that the true feelings the partners once had for each
other have moved from liking and love to disgust, disrespect, and even hate. Contempt is
aimed at the person’s character; comments are intentionally designed to insult and cause pain
in ways only an intimate partner could know, and they no longer complement each other or
interact as two people who part of an intimate partnership; instead, their focus turns to
abusiveness toward one another.
38. According to Gottman, _______ allows each partner to deny responsibility for the
problems that are causing conflict.
a. defensiveness
b. criticism
c. contempt
d. stonewalling
Answer: A
Rationale:
According to Gottman, defensiveness is bad news in a love relationship because it allows
each partner to deny responsibility for whatever problems are causing friction.
39. Beatrice becomes unresponsive and withdraws during disputes with her partner.
According to Gottman, this is an example of _______.
a. stonewalling
b. defensiveness
c. contempt
d. criticism
Answer: A
Rationale:
According to Gottman, when a relationship begins to appear hopeless and the partners begin
to give up on trying to make it work, one or both may stop engaging altogether when
problems arise. He called this stonewalling – turning oneself into a “stone wall” when
disagreements and disputes begin.
40. One strategy that couples can use to maintain positive communication is to work on
preventing any of the “four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse.” Which of the following
are the four horsemen?
a. criticism, contempt, defensiveness, criticism
b. contempt, defensiveness, commitment, stonewalling
c. stonewalling, criticism, contempt, complaining
d. criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling
Answer: D
Rationale:
Gottman and his research teams have identified four communication warning signs that are
common to most couples who find themselves drifting apart: criticism, contempt,
defensiveness, and stonewalling. He called these warning signs the “four horsemen of the
relationship apocalypse.”
41. Which of the following is one of Markman, Stanley, and Bloomberg’s “five keys” to
understanding intimate communication?
a. When a relationship is failing there is no hope.
b. Only large changes can lead to huge changes.
c. Each partner must take his or her share of the responsibility for making the relationship
work.
d. Relationship skills come naturally.
Answer: C
Rationale:
Markman, Stanley, and Bloomberg believed that there is temptation in many relationships for
each partner to see the other as the reason for problems that may arise, but understanding that
relationships are a team effort can often help with resolutions. They posited that each partner
must take his or her share of the responsibility for making the relationship work and for
keeping it satisfying.
42. According to Notarius and Markman’s five rules for enhancing intimate communication,
it is recommend that couples should _______.
a. only fight about important matters
b. learn to become more aggressive in expressing their needs
c. promise to never raise their voices during an argument
d. incorporate couples meetings into their relationship
Answer: D
Rationale:
Notarius and Markman attempted to help couples develop the sorts of rules and skills that
will help them develop and preserve loving, happy relationships or repair them when they run
into serious trouble. They suggested a strategy called couple meetings that partners can
incorporate into their relationships to help keep them open, on track, and communicating
well.
43. In addition to their five rules for enhancing intimate communication, Notarius and
Markman also emphasized that one of the most important attributes of successful
relationships is _______.
a. shared interests
b. politeness
c. the ability to forgive and forget
d. financial security
Answer: B
Rationale:
Notarius and Markman believed that one of the most fundamental attributes of happy and
successful relationships is politeness, as the loss of politeness often causes or exacerbates
existing problems. They believed that behaving politely to each other is a sign of love and
respect between the partners and may help prevent or diminish problems.
44. Griselda and Gilberto are trying to communicate more effectively with each other when a
problem arises. According to Notarius and Markman’s five rules for enhancing intimate
communication, which of the following is a technique they can use?
a. focus only on the problem
b. force each other to discuss the problem
c. talk without taking a break until the problem is resolved
d. identify the person who is at fault and hold them accountable
Answer: A
Rationale:
Notarius and Markham came up five rules for enhancing intimate communication. Their
second rule suggested that couples focus on the problem by scheduling meetings at times and
locations that allow both partners to give their full attention to the issue at hand. If there are
interruptions or distractions, the purpose and goals of the meetings will not be met.
45. In their five rules for enhancing intimate communication, what do Notarius and Markman
mean by using the “speaker-listener tool” when discussing relationship problems?
a. Only the partner who has the floor may speak, and the other must listen attentively.
b. Each partner can take a break from the discussion at any time.
c. Each person must focus on his or her feelings and their role in the problem.
d. The couple must try to stay on one topic at a time.
Answer: A
Rationale:
According to Notarius and Markman, the “speaker-listener tool” means that the couple writes
the word “floor” on an index card and passes it back and forth during the meeting. This
serves as a reminder that only the partner who has the floor may speak, and the other must
listen attentively.
46. In their five rules for enhancing intimate communication, Notarius and Markman state
that _______.
a. each partner can call for a break at any time
b. couples should never take a break until the argument is finished
c. couples should drop the subject if they can’t come to a solution within 30 minutes
d. couples should ask for help from a third person if the discussion turns into an argument
Answer: A
Rationale:
According to Notarius and Markman, nothing says that the couples meeting has to go straight
through to a solution without a pause of any kind. Each partner needs to know that he or she
can call for a break at any time.
47. _______ is an important component of intimacy with a partner and is related to
relationship success and happiness
a. Stonewalling
b. Sexual self-disclosure
c. Complaining
d. Conflict-avoiding
Answer: B
Rationale:
Sexual self-disclosure is an important component of intimacy with a partner and relates in
significant ways to relationship success, happiness, sexual satisfaction, and sexual health.
48. As soon as John and Alma started sleeping together, it became apparent that John knows
much more about sex than Alma does. John should _______.
a. take an understanding and gentle approach when discussing sexual issues with Alma
b. leave Alma and find someone who knows more about sex
c. suggest that Alma take a course in human sexuality
d. be patient; Alma will catch on eventually
Answer: A
Rationale:
Couples often possess varying degrees of sexual knowledge. When one member of a couple
has a more extensive knowledge and education about sex, that person must take an
understanding and gentle approach when discussing sexual issues to avoid making the partner
feel ignorant and inferior.
49. For some people, the embarrassment of talking about explicit sexual topics is so great,
especially when the topic under discussion relates to themselves, that they _______.
a. end the relationship rather than disclose personal sexual information
b. have to seek counseling in order to discuss such topics
c. should practice discussing such topics with someone they know very well
d. should just get over it
Answer: A
Rationale:
Most people feel at least some embarrassment when talking about explicit sexual topics,
especially when the topic relates to them personally. For some, the embarrassment is so great
that they would sooner end a relationship than try to disclose personal sexual information.
50. According to the textbook, acceptance of sexual myths and stereotypes can sabotage a
relationship because they _______.
a. lead to low self-esteem and overdependence
b. cause an imbalance in decision-making power
c. lead to false expectations
d. cause one partner to control another
Answer: C
Rationale:
Many people subscribe to sexual myths and stereotypes. Relationships can easily be
sabotaged by such beliefs, because they create false expectations. If a couple who have such
beliefs become romantically involved, they are bound to end up disappointed and
disillusioned.
51. Eduardo is unable to communicate his dissatisfaction with the sexual side of his
relationship with his partner. According to the text, what might be a common outcome in this
type of situation?
a. loss of trust
b. withdrawal
c. infidelity
d. frustration
Answer: C
Rationale:
As problems grow without resolution through effective communication, they typically lead to
behaviors that may destroy the relationship. For example, if a partner is dissatisfied with the
sexual side of the relationship and is unable to communicate this to his or her partner, one of
the most common outcomes in this situation is infidelity, which eventually leads to the end of
the relationship.
52. People with low self-esteem are prone to _______ in relationships.
a. overdependence
b. independence
c. promiscuity
d. aggression
Answer: A
Rationale:
People with low self-esteem often feel that they are unworthy of being loved and may
constantly look to their partner for validation and proof of love. This insecurity and lack of
self-confidence typically leads to overdependence and possessiveness.
53. Which of the following statements about jealousy is true?
a. It should be a part of every relationship.
b. Men are usually more jealous than women.
c. It’s a sign of true love.
d. It is one of the most frequent causes of the breakup of romantic relationships.
Answer: D
Rationale:
Jealousy is a common reaction in romantic relationships that stems from losing all or certain
aspects of a partner’s exclusive love (or the fear of such a loss). Jealousy is cited as one of the
most frequent causes of the breakup of romantic relationships.
54. _______ jealousy is based on a real threat to the relationship.
a. Normal
b. Delusional
c. Control
d. Excessive
Answer: A
Rationale:
Normal jealousy is based on a real threat to the relationship, as when one partner discovers
that the other is attracted to, is in love with, or has been unfaithful with someone else.
55. Frances is incessantly suspicious of her partner even though her partner is extremely
faithful. Frances is experiencing _______ jealousy.
a. normal
b. pathological
c. control
d. excessive
Answer: B
Rationale:
Pathological jealousy is a reaction that emanates from within the jealous person when no
threat or infidelity actually exists. Often called the “green-eyed monster,” pathological
jealousy is the form that is more likely, in itself, to destroy an intimate relationship.
56. Georgina is extremely controlling and requires her partner to call her every hour to report
her whereabouts. Based on the information from the textbook, Georgina _______.
a. was probably very spoiled as a child
b. probably has low self-esteem
c. is probably extremely independent
d. is probably too caring
Answer: B
Rationale:
The need to control is linked to many factors, including belief in gender myths, lack of
communication, unequal power, low self-esteem, and isolation, among others. Controlling
behavior may take many forms, including dictating where, when, and with whom the partner
may go out, or requiring the partner to report every detail of every minute whenever they are
apart.
57. The most serious outcome of a controlling relationship is ________.
a. violence
b. loss of personal freedom
c. isolation
d. frequent arguments
Answer: A
Rationale:
The most serious outcome of a controlling relationship occurs when the line is crossed from
control to abuse or violence. Not all controlling relationships become violent, but if a
controlling partner begins to perceive that nonviolent control tactics are becoming ineffective,
turning to violence is the next obvious step in maintaining control.
58. Which of the following types of violence is most common among relationships?
a. men against men
b. men against women
c. women against women
d. women against men
Answer: B
Rationale:
Both men and women may be victims of relationship violence, but violence by men against
women is significantly more common.
59. Statistics show that _______ of all women who are murdered are killed by their male
partners.
a. one-third
b. one-half
c. one-quarter
d. one-fifth
Answer: A
Rationale:
Statistics show that one-third of all women who are murdered in the U.S. are killed by their
male partners.
60. Abusive relationships are about the use of _______ and _______ that is achieved through
a variety of tactics
a. power; jealousy
b. control; criticism
c. power; control
d. jealousy; criticism
Answer: C
Rationale:
There are certain signs that demonstrate that a relationship is unhealthy and abusive, and two
of these signs are common to nearly all cases of relationship abuse. First, abusive
relationships are all about the use of power and control that is achieved through a wide range
of tactics. The abuser’s goal is to take complete control of the partner and of the relationship.
61. Michaela’s partner regularly grabs and twists her arms and waves a fist at her. This type
of behavior is considered _______ abuse.
a. emotional
b. verbal
c. physical
d. spiritual
Answer: C
Rationale:
Violent partners may hit hard enough to leave bruises, but only on parts of the victim’s body
where others would not see them. Or, the violence might entail grabbing and twisting an arm
sufficiently to cause real pain without leaving a noticeable mark.
62. Jay regularly belittles, accuses, blames, insults, puts-down, and humiliates his partner.
This type of behavior is considered _______ abusive.
a. emotionally
b. verbally
c. physically
d. spiritually
Answer: B
Rationale:
Verbal abuse can take many different forms, but its goal is to gain control over the victim, to
crush the victim’s self-image, and to cause fear and powerlessness. Behaviors that can be
characterized as verbal abuse include yelling, threats, intimidation, ridiculing, name-calling,
criticizing, accusing, insulting, humiliating, swearing, blaming, and belittling, among others.
63. Which of the following is a form of emotional abuse?
a. misrepresenting the victim’s feelings
b. criticizing
c. trivializing the victim’s ideas
d. use of sarcasm
Answer: A
Rationale:
Emotional abusers use many tactics to take control of and manipulate the partner’s feelings
and emotions, and also tend to minimize the extent of their abuse in numerous ways, trying to
make the victim feel discounted, as though the seriousness of the abuse was not really so bad.
Actions that may constitute emotional abuse include entitlement, withholding information,
withholding sex, emotionally misrepresenting the victim’s feelings, or risk-taking, among
others.
64. Which of the following is the order in which the phases of the cycle of violence occur?
a. honeymoon, explosion, tension-building
b. tension-building, explosion, honeymoon
c. explosion, honey-moon, tension-building
d. honeymoon, tension-building, explosion
Answer: D
Rationale:
The cycle of abuse describes how a violent relationship typically develops unless something
is done to intervene. In the first stage, everything seems wonderful; this is the honeymoon
phase of an intimate relationship. In abusive relationships, a rational, problem-solving
approach to addressing issues usually fails, and tension persists and builds; this is the tensionbuilding phase. In the last phase, instead of one partner surrendering, an abusive or violent
explosion occurs. Typically, the abusive partner yells, ridicules, threatens, insults, or engages
in other acts of bullying or intimidation; this is called the explosion phase.
65. During the _______ phase of the cycle of violence, an event occurs that creates strain
between the couple.
a. tension-building
b. explosion
c. honeymoon
d. resolution
Answer: A
Rationale:
In abusive relationships, a rational approach to solving problems fails, and tension persists
and builds. One partner realizes that the only way to regain a sense of harmony is to give in to
the other’s position, which may cause him or her to feel resentful and discounted. At some
point, another event occurs that once again creates tension between the couple; this is the
tension-building phase.
66. Matt has become physically violent and hit his partner Natalia. This relationship is in the
_______ phase of the cycle of violence.
a. tension-building
b. explosion
c. honeymoon
d. resolution
Answer: B
Rationale:
During the explosion phase, the abusive partner yells, ridicules, threatens, insults, or engages
in other acts of bullying and intimidation. As time passes, the explosive events become more
extreme and dangerous, and the buildup of tension nearly always ends in abuse. What began
as insults and threats may now become physical violence.
67. Lucia was recently beaten by her partner. Her partner has asked for forgiveness, promises
he will never hit her again, and bought her a present. This relationship is in the _______
phase of the cycle of violence.
a. tension-building
b. explosion
c. honeymoon
d. resolution
Answer: C
Rationale:
After the violence, the honeymoon begins again. The abuser is sorry, promises it will never
happen again, asks for forgiveness, is repentant, and may buy gifts for the victim.
68. Usually, the only way to stop relationship violence is for the victim to ______.
a. leave the relationship
b. obey the abuser
c. seek counseling
d. have a child
Answer: A
Rationale:
Relationship violence tends not to diminish or go away over time; on the contrary, it’s likely
to become even worse. Usually, the only way to stop relationship violence is for the victim to
leave.
69. Which of the following is a guideline for safely leaving an abusive relationship?
a. Trust that the abuser will not seek out the victim after leaving the relationship.
b. Keep phone numbers of trustworthy people available at all times.
c. Ask the abuser to stay away after leaving the relationship.
d. Have a discussion with the abuser regarding one’s desire to leave the relationship.
Answer: B
Rationale:
There are several things that a victim should do to be reasonably safe after leaving an abusive
relationship. One of these is to create a safety network of trusted people, which includes
keeping their phone numbers handy at all times.
70. Ophelia left her abuser a few weeks ago but decided to give the relationship a second
chance. According to the textbook, which of the following is a possible outcome of Ophelia’s
returning to the abuser?
a. The violence will stop.
b. The couple will enter counseling.
c. The abuser’s violent behavior will escalate.
d. Ophelia will become violent.
Answer: C
Rationale:
The vast majority of women victims of relationship violence return to their abusing partner at
least once; on average, women abuse survivors return an average of five times. However,
when a victim returns to an abuser, the violence does not stop. Instead, the abuse and violence
resume and, nearly always become worse with each successive abusive episode.
71. As victims look back on the violent relationship, they typically report that the abuser
_____.
a. showed signs of violence when they first met
b. always had unpredictable mood swings
c. did not show signs of violence when they first met
d. was sensitive to criticism
Answer: C
Rationale:
One common fear survivors face is becoming involved with another abusive or violent
person. When victims look back on a violent relationship, they typically report that they
never saw it coming; they fell in love with a person who showed no signs of an abusive,
violent nature.
72. Which of the following is a characteristic of a potential abuser?
a. being overly responsible
b. engages in controlling behavior
c. has been in many past relationships
d. initially appears to be charming
Answer: B
Rationale:
One of the characteristics of a potential abuser is that he or she engages in controlling
behaviors. These behaviors may include: attempting to take over all decision-making,
checking up on where the partner is at all times, becoming angry at any lateness, or taking
charge of finances.
TRUE-FALSE
1. A person’s field of eligibles can change over time.
Answer: True
Rationale:
A person's field of eligibles refers to the individuals whom they consider as potential
romantic partners. This field can indeed change over time due to various factors such as
personal growth, shifting preferences, and changes in circumstances.
2. Research shows that attractiveness plays a key role in the early formation of a potential
intimate relationship.
Answer: True
Rationale:
Attractiveness is often a significant factor in initial attraction and the formation of romantic
relationships. Research indicates that physical attractiveness can influence the likelihood of
individuals being drawn to each other and initiating contact.
3. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder” is an example of the proximity effect.
Answer: False
Rationale:
"Distance makes the heart grow fonder" refers to the idea that being apart from someone can
increase feelings of affection and longing. This sentiment does not align with the proximity
effect, which suggests that physical proximity increases attraction and interpersonal
relationships.
4. People are more likely to become romantically involved with someone who possesses
characteristics that are different from their own.
Answer: False
Rationale:
Research on interpersonal attraction suggests that individuals are often attracted to others
who share similar characteristics, values, and interests. This phenomenon is known as
homophily, and it suggests that similarity, rather than difference, is a common basis for
romantic involvement.
5. Flirting communicates mutual sexual interest and commitment.
Answer: False
Rationale:
Flirting can be a playful and subtle way to indicate interest in someone, but it does not
necessarily communicate mutual sexual interest or commitment. Flirting can vary in intent
and may not always lead to a romantic or sexual relationship.
6. Reciprocity of attraction may help explain why individuals with poor self-esteem have
trouble forming lasting romantic relationships.
Answer: True
Rationale:
Reciprocity of attraction refers to the tendency for individuals to be attracted to others who
are attracted to them. Individuals with poor self-esteem may struggle to believe that others
could genuinely be attracted to them, leading to difficulties in forming and maintaining
romantic relationships.
7. Being able to share private thoughts with a partner is an example of intimacy as defined by
the triangular theory of love.
Answer: True
Rationale:
According to the triangular theory of love, intimacy refers to the emotional closeness,
warmth, and connection between partners. Sharing private thoughts and feelings is an
important aspect of intimacy in romantic relationships.
8. According to the triangular theory of love, consummate love is made up of commitment
and intimacy.
Answer: False
Rationale:
According to the triangular theory of love proposed by psychologist Robert Sternberg,
consummate love is characterized by the presence of all three components: intimacy, passion,
and commitment. It represents the ideal form of love that includes emotional closeness,
physical attraction, and long-term commitment.
9. Storge love is characterized by caring and friendship.
Answer: True
Rationale:
Storge love, also known as companionate love, is characterized by affection, warmth, and
friendship between partners. It involves feelings of care, trust, and mutual support, often
found in long-term relationships and friendships.
10. Agape is a selfless kind of love.
Answer: True
Rationale:
Agape love is often described as selfless, altruistic, and unconditional. It involves a deep,
compassionate concern for the well-being of others, without expecting anything in return.
Agape love is commonly associated with acts of kindness, generosity, and empathy.
11. Self-disclosure is a major factor in building intimacy in love relationships.
Answer: True
Rationale:
Self-disclosure, or sharing personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences with a partner, is
indeed a significant factor in fostering intimacy and deepening emotional connection in love
relationships.
12. Gottman’s research has demonstrated that it is the style of fighting that determines the
success of a relationship.
Answer: True
Rationale:
Dr. John Gottman's research on relationships has highlighted the importance of conflict
resolution styles in determining the success or failure of relationships. Healthy conflict
management styles contribute to relationship satisfaction and longevity.
13. According to Gottman, volatile couples tend to have passionate and exciting love lives.
Answer: True
Rationale:
Gottman's research suggests that volatile couples, characterized by intense emotions and
frequent conflicts, may indeed have passionate and exciting love lives despite their conflicts.
14. According to Gottman, criticism is designed to insult an intimate partner and cause
him/her to feel pain.
Answer: False
Rationale:
Gottman distinguishes between criticism (which involves attacking a partner's character) and
complaints (which address specific behaviors). Criticism, as defined by Gottman, is harmful
to relationships, but it is not necessarily intended to cause pain.
15. According to Gottman, the statement “I wish we could spend more time alone,” is an
example of contempt.
Answer: False
Rationale:
Contempt, according to Gottman, involves an attitude of superiority and disdain toward a
partner, often expressed through sarcasm, mockery, or insults. The statement provided does
not necessarily convey contempt.
16. According to Notarius and Markman’s five rules for enhancing intimate communication,
one rule for making a couple’s meeting effective is to reserve the right to take a break.
Answer: True
Rationale:
Notarius and Markman emphasize the importance of allowing each partner to take a break
during discussions to prevent escalation of conflicts and to ensure effective communication in
couples' meetings.
17. Revealing sexual needs and desires to a partner is an example of sexual self-disclosure.
Answer: True
Rationale:
Sexual self-disclosure involves sharing intimate thoughts, desires, and preferences related to
sexuality with a partner. This type of disclosure can contribute to sexual intimacy and
satisfaction in a relationship.
18. One of the guidelines for sexual communication is know what you want in a relationship
before becoming sexually involved.
Answer: True
Rationale:
Effective sexual communication involves understanding and expressing one's own needs,
desires, and boundaries in a relationship before engaging in sexual activity. This helps ensure
mutual consent and satisfaction.
19. Healthy, successful relationships are characterized by a balance in decision-making
power.
Answer: True
Rationale:
Healthy relationships often involve a balance of power and decision-making between
partners, where both individuals feel respected, valued, and empowered to contribute to the
relationship.
20. Couples in a healthy relationship isolate themselves from the rest of the world.
Answer: False
Rationale:
Healthy relationships involve maintaining connections with friends, family, and social
networks outside the romantic partnership. Isolation from the outside world can be a warning
sign of an unhealthy or controlling relationship.
21. Normal jealousy stems from low self-esteem and overdependence in one or both partners.
Answer: False
Rationale:
While jealousy can sometimes be influenced by factors such as insecurity, normal jealousy
can also stem from feelings of protectiveness and concern for the relationship. It is not always
indicative of low self-esteem or overdependence.
22. The most serious outcome of a controlling relationship is violence.
Answer: True
Rationale:
Controlling relationships can escalate to physical violence, which is indeed one of the most
serious outcomes. However, controlling behaviors themselves can also be harmful and
damaging to the well-being and autonomy of the victim.
23. Only women are victims of relationship violence.
Answer: False
Rationale:
Both men and women can be victims of relationship violence, regardless of gender.
Relationship violence can occur in heterosexual, homosexual, and other types of
relationships, and it affects individuals of all genders.
24. The controlling tactics used by abusers may be subtle and not easily recognized.
Answer: True
Rationale:
Abusers often use subtle tactics such as manipulation, gaslighting, and psychological control
to maintain power and control over their partners. These tactics may not be immediately
recognizable as abusive behavior.
25. Yelling, threatening, criticizing, and humiliating a partner in an intimate relationship are
examples of emotional abuse.
Answer: False
Rationale:
Yelling, threatening, criticizing, and humiliating a partner are indeed examples of emotional
abuse, not acceptable behaviors in a healthy relationship.
26. One of the goals of emotional abuse is to make the victim feel unworthy of being loved.
Answer: True
Rationale:
Emotional abuse aims to undermine the victim's self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence,
often leading them to feel unworthy of love and respect. This manipulation reinforces the
abuser's control over the victim.
27. Relationship abuse typically decreases gradually over time.
Answer: False
Rationale:
Relationship abuse tends to escalate over time rather than decrease. Abusers may become
more controlling and violent as the relationship progresses, making it increasingly difficult
for the victim to leave the abusive situation.
28. The vast majority of female victims of relationship abuse leave their abusing partners and
never return.
Answer: False
Rationale:
Leaving an abusive relationship can be extremely challenging and dangerous for victims, and
many may struggle to leave or may return to their abusers multiple times before successfully
breaking free.
29. One common fear survivors of abuse face is becoming involved with another violent
person.
Answer: True
Rationale:
Survivors of abuse may fear entering into new relationships due to concerns about
encountering another abusive partner. This fear is understandable given the trauma and
emotional scars left by the abusive relationship.
30. Use of force during an argument is a warning sign of a potential abuser.
Answer: True
Rationale:
The use of force, such as physical aggression or intimidation, during arguments or conflicts
can be a warning sign of potential abusive behavior. It is important to recognize and address
such behavior early on in a relationship to prevent escalation.
SHORT ANSWER
1. Having criteria of wanting a partner who is a professional, earns over $50,000 a year, and
has never been married is an example of a _____.
Answer: field of eligibles
Rationale:
The field of eligibles refers to the pool of individuals whom a person considers as potential
romantic partners. This can include specific criteria or preferences, such as profession,
income level, and marital status.
2. The _____refers to the idea that people tend to grow fonder of someone whom they spend
more time around.
Answer: proximity effect
Rationale:
The proximity effect suggests that physical proximity increases the likelihood of attraction
and interpersonal relationships. People tend to develop feelings of fondness and closeness
with those they spend more time around due to increased opportunities for interaction and
familiarity.
3. Subtle behaviors designed to signal sexual or romantic interest in another person are
referred to as _____.
Answer: flirting
Rationale:
Flirting encompasses a range of subtle behaviors, gestures, and verbal cues that are intended
to convey sexual or romantic interest in another person. These behaviors often involve
playfulness, teasing, and nonverbal communication.
4. “Their eyes met across a crowded room” is an example of the _____ step of flirting.
Answer: approach
Rationale:
The approach phase of flirting involves initiating contact or interaction with the person of
interest. This can include nonverbal cues such as making eye contact from across the room,
signaling openness to communication and potential connection.
5. According to the triangular theory of love, fatuous love is based on _____.
Answer: passion and commitment
Rationale:
The triangular theory of love, proposed by Robert Sternberg, posits that love consists of three
components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Fatuous love is characterized by the
presence of passion and commitment, but lacks intimacy, resulting in a relationship based on
infatuation or fantasy.
6. According to the styles of love theory, _____ lovers move rapidly from one relationship to
another.
Answer: ludus
Rationale:
The styles of love theory categorizes individuals into six different love styles, one of which
is ludus. Ludus lovers view love as a game and tend to engage in casual or noncommittal
relationships. They may move rapidly from one relationship to another without developing
deep emotional connections.
7. According to Gottman, couples that use _____ communication downplay conflicts they
encounter.
Answer: conflict-avoiding
Rationale:
John Gottman's research on relationships identifies different communication styles that
couples use to manage conflict. Conflict-avoiding communication involves downplaying or
avoiding conflicts rather than directly addressing and resolving them.
8. According to Gottman, _____ is a passive form of power and aggression.
Answer: stonewalling
Rationale:
Stonewalling is a communication behavior characterized by withdrawing from interaction,
refusing to engage, or giving the silent treatment during conflicts. Gottman identifies
stonewalling as a destructive behavior that undermines communication and intimacy in
relationships.
9. When using the _____ for enhancing intimate communication, the couple writes the word
“floor” on an index card and passes it back and forth during their discussion.
Answer: speaker-listener tool
Rationale:
The speaker-listener tool is a communication technique used to facilitate effective dialogue
and active listening between partners. The term "floor" is used to indicate whose turn it is to
speak, promoting respectful and constructive communication during discussions.
10. “Men are dominant” is an example of a _____.
Answer: sexual stereotype
Rationale:
Sexual stereotypes are beliefs or assumptions about the characteristics, roles, and behaviors
of men and women based on their gender. The statement "men are dominant" reflects a
common sexual stereotype that associates dominance with masculinity.
11. _____ jealousy is a reaction to factors that indicate that a relationship is probably in
trouble.
Answer: Normal
Rationale:
Normal jealousy arises in response to real or perceived threats to the stability or security of a
relationship. It is a natural emotional response to situations or behaviors that may jeopardize
the relationship's well-being.
12. _____ jealousy is a reaction that emanates from within a person when no threat to the
relationship exists.
Answer: Pathological
Rationale:
Pathological jealousy, also known as irrational or morbid jealousy, is an extreme and
irrational suspicion or fear of infidelity or betrayal in the absence of evidence or justification.
It often stems from deep-seated insecurities or psychological issues.
13. Withholding information, sex, and/or help from a partner, as well as excessive jealousy,
are examples of behaviors that can be characterized as _____ abuse.
Answer: emotional
Rationale:
Emotional abuse involves behaviors or actions intended to control, manipulate, or harm a
partner emotionally. This can include withholding affection or support, gaslighting, and
exerting control through jealousy or intimidation.
14. Violence occurs during the _____ phase of the cycle of violence.
Answer: explosion
Rationale:
The cycle of violence model describes the recurring pattern of abuse in abusive relationships,
which typically consists of three phases: tension building, explosion (or acute battering
incident), and honeymoon. Violence occurs during the explosion phase, where the abusive
behavior escalates.
15. As the relationship re-enters the _____ phase of the cycle of violence, the victim now
lives in great fear of another abusive episode.
Answer: honeymoon
Rationale:
The honeymoon phase of the cycle of violence follows the explosion phase and is
characterized by the abuser expressing remorse, apologizing, and making promises to change.
During this phase, the victim may experience relief and hope for improvement in the
relationship, but also lives in fear of another abusive episode.
ESSAY
1. Explain the terms matching hypothesis, proximity effect, and mere exposure effect.
Discuss the ways in which each of these concepts pertains to the mate selection process.
Matching hypothesis
• It’s a psychological theory that claims that people tend to seek romantic and sexual partners
who possess a similar level of physical attractiveness to their own.
• It could be due to the expectation that someone of similar attractiveness is an emotionally
“safer” choice, and is a boost to each partner’s self-esteem.
• On the other hand, a partner of much greater physical attractiveness may be seen as more
likely to reject someone who is not as attractive.
• How well couples are matched on physical attractiveness is related to the success of the
relationship.
• Matched couples tend to become closer, and their relationships tend to last longer than
couples who differ significantly in physical attractiveness.
Proximity effect
• The term proximity refers to how close in physical distance you are to another person over
time.
• As one spends more time in close proximity to other people, the more one is likely to
develop positive feelings toward them.
• The closer one is in geographical distance, the greater the probability that one will grow to
like or even to love someone.
• People tend to grow fonder of someone around whom they spend more time.
• Three reasons have been suggested for this proximity effect:
1. If you are sharing the same physical space with another person, you will have more
opportunity to meet and get to know each other, which can increase the chances that a
romantic relationship will develop.
2. The more you find yourself in the same situation with another person, the more likely it is
that the two of you have interests in common. Common interests pave the way for mutually
interesting topics of conversation and shared activities, all of which enhance the probability
that a romantic relationship may develop. The two most common locations where people
meet and form romantic relationships are school and work.
3. A third explanation for the influence of proximity on relationships is a psychological
principle called the mere exposure effect.
Mere exposure effect
• Humans appear to have a natural and usually unconscious tendency to grow fonder of a
“novel stimulus” as they see it more often, and it’s true for perceptions of people, as well.
• To use the mere exposure effect to explain the impact of proximity on relationships, simply
encountering a person more often, without even talking or acknowledging each other, will
lead to greater familiarity.
• Greater familiarity increases liking, which then enhances the probability of forming an
intimate connection.
• If, however, your initial reaction upon encountering a new person is profoundly negative,
the mere exposure effect may not occur, and instead, your dislike may increase with repeated
encounters.
2. Explain John Allen Lee’s styles of love theory. Define and provide examples of three love
styles.
Responses should consider:
This theory suggests that people follow various psychological motifs in relating to a love
partner:
• Eros love: Cupid was the god of love in roman mythology; Cupid’s counterpart in Greek
mythology is Eros. This is an erotic, passionate love. Eros lovers tend to place great emphasis
on romance and physical beauty. They tend to feel an urgent sexual desire and strong physical
attraction to their potential partners; they believe in love at first sight. They desire sexual
intimacy earlier in a new relationship than those embracing other styles; relationships based
on eros love tend to burn out quickly.
• Ludus love: Ludus is Greek for play. This is characterized by game-playing. Ludus lovers
enjoy the excitement of forming a relationship more than the relationship itself; they like the
chase. They play the field, typically moving from one relationship to another or juggling
several partners at once. They are unlikely to form a lasting commitment, and will often end a
relationship just when it appears to be at its closest and most satisfying stage. They do so
because they don’t want security and commitment. Sometimes they begin a new relationship
before ending the current one so that they are never without the rush and excitement of the
pursuit.
• Storge love: In Greek, storge means natural “affection.” This is characterized by the central
theme of friendship. Storge lovers usually begin as close friends, and take a long time to
develop feelings of love. The sexual side of storge relationships arrives late and takes a back
seat to the emphasis on friendship. Storge relationships offer peace, security, and stability. If
love ends, the friendship usually returns and continues over time.
• Mania love: Mania is Greek for madness. Mania love is possessive, dependent, and often
controlling. Mania lovers are constantly fearful that their partner will leave and must be
constantly reassured that the relationship is intact. Such relationships are characterized by
turmoil, extreme and/or unrealistic jealousy, and sometimes by true obsession. Partners of
mania lovers may feel excited at first because they feel loved and needed, but they soon find
that they are being emotionally smothered by a clinging, insecure partner. When mania lovers
feel that a partner is drifting away, they may resort to such drastic measures as stalking,
threats of suicide, actual suicide attempts, or physical violence to prevent the partner from
leaving.
• Pragma love: Pragma means business in Greek. Pragma love is characterized as practical
love. Pragma lovers select their partners in a businesslike way based on rational, practical
criteria. They don’t really fall in love; they decide to love the partner who best fits their
requirements. The pragma lover focuses on pragmatic characteristics such as education level,
profession, social status, income, common interests, etc. These relationships tend to be less
mutually satisfying and often unsuccessful, as they place little emphasis on the emotional
aspects of love that are basic to bonding and forming strong attachments between people.
• Agape love: Agape is the Greek word for brotherly love or divine love. This is selfless love,
and agape lovers offer their partners a self-sacrificing, altruistic love. They strive to give their
partners whatever they may want or need without any expectation of receiving anything in
return. This style of love is patient and non-demanding, but it’s a weak form of romantic love.
The reason for this is because agape love is all about giving, but romantic love involves a
balance of giving and receiving.
3. Explain the concept of couple meetings as discussed by Notarius and Markman in their
five rules for enhancing intimate communication. List three of the “five rules.”
Responses should consider:
• Notarius and Markman were concerned with helping couples to acquire rules and skills that
will help them develop and preserve loving, happy relationships, or that will assist them in
repairing them when they run into serious trouble.
• Notarius and Markman suggested a strategy called couple meetings that partners can
incorporate into their relationships to help keep them open, on track, and communicating
well.
• Couple meetings require an agreement between partners to meet on a regular schedule to
discuss specific instances of conflict-producing behaviors.
• The couple should set aside at least 30 minutes per week for open and honest
communication during which it is each partner’s responsibility to speak and listen.
Notarius and Markman’s five rules for enhancing intimate communication:
1. Make a date: set up a regular weekly time for half an hour that goes on each partner’s
calendar.
2. Focus on the problem: the couple meeting must be at a time and location that allow both
partners to give their full attention to the issue at hand, without interruptions or distractions.
3. Use the “speaker-listener tool”: The couple writes the word “floor” on an index card and
passes it back and forth during the meeting to remind them that only the partner who has the
floor may speak while the other one listens.
4. Do not blame or attack: this means that both partners share the problem under discussion,
as well as some of the responsibility for solving it. Each person should focus on his or her
feelings and role in the problem, not on the partner’s. Blaming and attacking will cause the
meeting to fall apart.
5. Reserve the right to take a break: Each partner needs to know that he or she can call for a
break at any time. A break might be a good idea if anger, hostility, blaming, or attacking
arises.
4. List and explain five reasons why relationships fail.
Responses should consider:
1. Lack of self-knowledge: If you don’t know who you are, how can you expect someone else
to know you? Self-knowledge about such issues as preferred lifestyle, interests, favorite
activities, morals, values, sexual attitudes, and preferences, among others, allows a person to
enter into a new relationship with a conscious awareness of what he or she wants and what is
best for him or her. Self-knowledge allows an individual to communicate who he or she is to
potential partners.
2. Acceptance of myths and stereotypes: Examples include: all women are passive, and all
men are dominant; men make more money than women. Many people believe such myths
and stereotypes about men, women, or sex. Relationships can be sabotaged by such beliefs
because they create false expectations. If a couple that holds such myths as true become
romantically involved, they will probably end up disappointed and disillusioned.
3. Ineffective communication: When partners fail to share their feelings, concerns,
frustrations, needs, or desires with each other they have no opportunity to address them or to
repair any damage that might occur because of them. If the lack of effective communication
causes the problems to continue, they typically lead to behaviors that may destroy the
relationship.
4. Imbalances of decision-making power: Healthy relationships are characterized by a
balance between partners with regard to issues of finances, friends, everyday activities,
family and children, and general decision-making. When this balance does not exist, it
usually means that one partner has most or all of the power to make decisions that affect both
partners. Such an imbalance can render a relationship unstable, and can eventually lead to
resentment in the partner with less power and increasingly unhealthy levels of control by the
more powerful partner.
5. Low self-esteem, insecurity, and lack of self-confidence: People with low self-esteem often
feel that they are unworthy of being loved and may constantly look to their partners for
validation and proof of love. Insecurity and lack of self-confidence typically lead to
overdependence and possessiveness, and the stronger can be made to feel responsible for the
weaker one’s emotional well-being. The weaker partner is not in a position to give much to
the relationship; no matter how much the stronger one gives, it’s never enough. Until the
insecure partner overcomes his/her issues, the relationship is probably going to fail.
6. Isolation: When a couple fall in love and then begin to isolate themselves from the rest of
the world, it’s usually a sign of potential relationship problems. While romantic love is a
strong force, no two people can meet all of each other’s needs. When two people isolate
themselves from friends, family, colleagues, and others who might provide support, it’s
usually an indication of fear or insecurity. Such overdependence can cause the relationship to
be crushed under its own weight.
7. Failing to keep promises, lying, or cheating: Failing to keep promises, lying, or cheating,
especially relating to infidelity, are blatant betrayals of the basic trust necessary for a
relationship to survive and thrive. Partners in healthy relationships tend to use rational
problem-solving strategies to reconcile problems as they arise. All of these effective strategies
rely on both partners agreeing to modify certain behaviors to resolve whatever problems they
may be facing. Those agreements then become the basis for renewed happiness and
satisfaction in the relationship. But these strategies are only as good as each partner’s promise
to carry through on them and his or her trust in the other to do the same. If one or both
partners fail to keep their promise, they lose the most effective tool for solving their
problems.
8. Excessive jealousy: Jealousy is a common reaction in romantic relationships that stems
from losing all or certain aspects of a partner’s exclusive love (or the fear of such a loss). It is
cited as one of the most frequent causes of the breakup of romantic relationships, and it is
frequently the precipitating event in relationship abuse and violence. Jealousy can be divided
into two main types: normal jealousy and pathological jealousy. Normal jealousy is based on
a real threat to the relationship, as when one partner discovers that the other is attracted to, is
in love with, or has been unfaithful with someone else. Normal jealousy is a reaction to
factors that already indicate that a relationship is probably in some sort of trouble, although
the intensity of the reaction may play a role in whether the couple is able to work through the
episode and stay together. Pathological jealousy is a reaction that emanates from within the
jealous person when no threat or infidelity actually exists. Often called the “green-eyed
monster,” pathological jealousy is the form that is more likely to destroy an intimate
relationship on its own. Pathological jealousy typically stems from low self-esteem and
overdependence in one or both partners.
9. Controlling behaviors: When one partner seeks to control the actions of the other, the
relationship becomes weak at best and dangerous at worst. The need to control is inextricably
linked to many factors, including belief in gender myths, lack of communication, unequal
power, low self-esteem, isolation, overdependence, and jealousy. A relationship can remain
healthy and happy only when both partners know that they have freely chosen to be in the
relationship and are free to be themselves. In a controlling relationship, one partner attempts
to take that freedom away from the other and control virtually everything the other does. The
most serious outcome of a controlling relationship occurs when the line is crossed from
control to abuse or violence. Many abusive behaviors fall under the heading of control.
10. Abuse and violence: Violence between relationship partners is referred to as intimate
partner violence (IPV). Victims may become trapped in abusive and violent relationship
cycles over long periods of time. The violence in intimate relationships is for one purpose: to
exert ultimate and total control over the victim. The abuse or violence and the threat of more
in the future typically create such fear in the victim that attempting to escape becomes
impossible. Both men and women may be victims of relationship violence, but violence by
men against women is significantly more common. Many people believe that as soon as a
relationship becomes violent, the victim should simply leave. However, leaving an abusive
relationship is typically far from simple. Violence in intimate relationships is a very serious
and complex matter from which escape is far more difficult than it sounds.
5. Identify and explain the four phases of the cycle of abuse.
Responses should consider:
• The honeymoon phase: The early stages of a relationship tend to be happy, even idyllic.
Everything seems to be wonderful, and partners are loyal, devoted, and caring. This is the
honeymoon phase.
• The tension-building phase: Eventually something happens that creates tension between the
partners. It could be a difference of opinion, a disagreement over a purchase, or just an
argument. This disrupts the harmony of the relationship. In healthy relationships partners
usually resolve such issues by talking about it, but in an abusive relationship, this approach
doesn’t work, and the tension builds up. One partner will typically decide that the only way to
relieve the tension is to give in to the other one so that harmony can be restored. However, at
some point, another event occurs that once again creates tension; this is called the tensionbuilding phase.
• The explosion phase: This time, instead of one partner giving in, an abusive or violent
explosion occurs. Typically, the abusive partner yells, ridicules, threatens, insults, or engages
in other acts of bullying and intimidation to the point that the victim is afraid and will do
anything to restore calm. This is the explosion phase.
• After the explosion phase, there will be a return to the happy, loving, honeymoon period,
during which the abuser is sorry, promises it will never happen again, asks for forgiveness,
and is repentant. He or she might even buy gifts for the victim, who tries to make things
better, but who now lives in fear of another explosion. The victim typically goes to great
lengths to avoid any behavior that might trigger more violence. The time between outbursts
feels like another honeymoon, but it doesn’t last, and eventually the abuse and violence
return.
Test Bank for Human Sexuality
Roger R. Hock
ISBN's: 9780205989409, 9780133971385, 9780134224961
