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Chapter 12: Sexuality in Adulthood and Later Life Learning Objectives Early Adulthood • Identify the factors that lead people to stay single. • Describe cohabitation and the influence it might have on our subsequent experiences and behaviors. • Recognize the difference between living apart together and friends with benefits. Integrating Marriage and Sexual Well-Being • Understand the reasons why people are marrying later in life in the United States. • Identify key differences in the institution of marriage across cultures. • Describe the factors involved in sexual satisfaction after marriage. • Identify the social and legal issues surrounding same-sex marriage. • Describe divorce trends in the United States and the effect of divorce on families. Sexuality and Aging Populations • Understand the myths and taboos pertaining to sex in midlife. • Understand how caring for your body and keeping fit can contribute to positive sexuality in midlife. • Describe issues of sexuality and aging, especially factors that affect sexual satisfaction in the later years. • Explain how illness and disability may affect sexual functioning in later life. Sexuality and Well-Being in Late Life • Understand sexual desire in late life and challenges to the expression of sexual desire among elders. Chapter Outline Chapter 12: Sexuality in Adulthood and Later Life Learning Objectives 12.1 Discussion Topic 12.1 Discussion Topic 12.2 Discussion Topic 12.3 Learning Objectives 12.2 Discussion Topic 12.4 Discussion Topic 12.5 Learning Objectives 12.3 Discussion Topic 12.6 Discussion Topic 12.7 This chapter considers different phases of adulthood and human sexuality. The first phase covers early adulthood, the years of the early 20s to mid-30s when many people establish their full sense of self-direction in life. Sex, love, and marriage are a critical part of this period. Adulthood extends into midlife, which encompasses the early 40s to mid-60s. During this time many people experience changes in their relationships and the life cycle of having children or not, just as their bodies continue to age. The later phase includes seniors, people 65 to about 85. As people live longer and retire later, life takes on a different shape than it once had, because individuals may become grandparents or remarry or develop new pursuits, such as a hobby, or even take up a whole new career or service to society. Elders are individuals 85 and older and may themselves be the parents of seniors. Research shows that through all of these stages of life our sexual functioning and zest for sexuality and intimacy may continue right up to the end of life (Valliant, 2002). I. Early Adulthood • The beginning of adulthood is a time of huge transition in education, careers, relationships, travel, and being part of society. The transition from late adolescence to early adulthood brings the freedom and responsibility of being increasingly independent of parents and family, beginning careers and jobs, and growing closer to friends and intimate partners. A. Single Living • Some 5 million people in the United States between 18 and 34 live alone. • The largest number of single people, around 15 million between ages 35 and 64, live solo. • It is becoming less common for people to marry and have children as young adults, though plenty still do. • There are many options when it comes to being a single adult, or living alone, or being in a relationship. Adults can choose to live with a romantic partner, get married, or pursue an active dating and sex life including multiple partners, and may or may not actually live together. People are delaying marriage, especially among the middle class and the educated. • Culturally there are several different sexual conditions associated with being single. One is being sexually active in a search for sexual satisfaction. Another sexual condition is celibacy, intentionally not having sex, a choice typically associated with being single. • In Germany the average age of first marriage is 32.6 for men and 29.6 for women, whereas in the United States it is approximately 5 years younger—a significant difference. B. Casual Sex and What it Means • Casual sex, also known as hooking up, is sex with people to whom you are not in love or committed (Bogle, 2008). Once regarded as something that teens or young adults engage in, an increasing number of people living alone are changing the meaning of being single and having casual sex, into middle age or beyond. • In recent years, casual sex has become a normative part of the cultural landscape of adolescents and young adults—particularly on college campuses. According to one study, 81% of study participants reported engaging in sexual behavior of some sort during a hook-up. • The reality of young adulthood and singlehood is that those who are single today have a wide range of sexual and social possibilities, in part because of the societal changes outlined earlier. One possibility is serial monogamy, in which individuals have an exclusive relationship with one person, break up with that person, and then go on to an exclusive relationship with a different person. Another possibility is that some singles may be involved sexually with a friend or acquaintance for some benefit, such as shared rent, but without commitment, an arrangement also known as friends with benefits (FWB). C. Cohabitation • Unmarried couples who live together are said to be cohabiting, and historically they have been counted as heterosexual, though today we know that some of them are LGBTQ. Cohabitation is defined as the state of living together or sharing the same space as if the couple were married but without being legally married. Cohabitation has three components: o Living arrangements—The arrangements may include one of the following: Sharing an apartment or house and having regular sex as a couple Living together occasionally, while maintaining separate households Living together without necessarily having sex, to share living expenses or possibly to pool resources to buy property together Maintaining separate residences and referring to yourselves as a couple o Meaning of cohabitation to both partners—Implicit in different living arrangements are love, sexual intimacy, and some level of emotional commitment. o Level of commitment between partners—The third component of cohabitation is emotional commitment. Cohabitation often creates emotional bonds about being open, truthful, and sharing. Exploring the level of trust and commitment is common to couples at this stage of a relationship, and it may involve faithfulness. • It appears that couples may measure their degree of commitment by whether they use condoms or switch to a more long-term contraception method, such as birth control pills or an IUD. This phase in the relationship, when couples develop reproductive plans, is now known as the contraceptive switch. • In Western Europe, a much older relationship trend has solidified a cultural pattern. Living apart together (LAT), is the expression the Dutch use to explain their version of FWB. LAT is about having one’s own individual space and life, separate from a lover or partner, but still being part of a couple. Communication Matters The Evolving Terminology of Living Together • Common law marriage—a status that involves two people of the opposite sex living together, typically for at least 1 or 2 years, and regarding each other publicly as spouses even though they are not legally married. • Domestic partnership—a defined legal and social relationship in some states, and in the private corporate sphere for some companies, that provides some benefits, such as health care, to one’s registered domestic partner. • Civil union—a legally recognized union similar to marriage in some states, though not performed in a church. • Same-sex marriage—a legal marriage between two people of the same biological sex; now legal or soon to be legal in eight states in the United States and in ten countries. • Registered partnership—any couple regardless of sexual orientation can officially register their partnership in some states in the United States and other countries. D. Early Cohabitation and Sexual Well-Being • Three characteristics of commitment stand out in cohabitation research: o Attraction: People want the relationship to continue because of its high reward value. o Moral-normative perception: Cultural and emotional expectations compel people to stay in the relationship, often supported by moral and religious views. o External constraints: Real-world factors such as finances, family and/or religious pressure, and shared experiences make it harder to leave the relationship. II. Integrating Marriage and Sexual Well-Being • Some researchers characterize the transition from cohabitation to marriage as a winnowing or mate selection process that leads to increasingly more careful selectivity in dating, mating, cohabitating, and marriage (Blackwell & Lichter, 2004). The winnowing hypothesis suggests that people select mates based on such areas as education, race, age, religion, and shared values, even political attitudes. These patterns are known as heterogamy and homogamy. Heterogamy refers to a marriage between two individuals of different ethnicities, income, social class, or religion. Homogamy refers to marriage between individuals who are culturally similar (Blackwell & Lichter, 2005). • The phenomenon of dual income, no sex (DINS) couples has been reported in the media as a pattern in which partners are so busy that they cannot cope with intimacy or they omit sex from the relationship (Hyde et al., 1998, 2001). These factors definitely reduce sexual satisfaction in the relationship. They influence all couples, including same-sex couples. A. Variations in Marriage • The fact that marriage is universal testifies to some enduring realities about human nature and sexuality combined in marriage. Many societies explicitly equate marriage to procreation, and people without children are thought to be socially immature. • In India and South Asia, it is considered very wrong for people to marry above or below their caste—that is, the social and religious status group of their family. Marriage arrangements may also be made for people of greatly different ages, as much as a generation apart, as it is among Aboriginal Australians. • Throughout the world, two forms of marriage exist: o Monogamous marriage, in which one man and one woman are legally married, usually having moral and religious meanings o Polygamous marriage, in which a man has more than one wife. • In 84% of 185 societies, men were found to have multiple wives. • In the United States in the 19th century, polygamy was the norm for a few religious faiths, including the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons). Polygamy has long been illegal in the United States, although some people still practice it in secret. B. Sex and Marriage • People who are married have more sex than singles, even older married couples. • After the birth of children, many couples report a drop in sexual relations and sex drive or energy. This seems to be relatively normal and common, but a variety of factors may enter into the situation, gender being one. Husbands often report less sexual satisfaction than wives, which may relate to their role as a father: the father’s role may not be as intense in the early years of a child’s life as the role of mother. • Sexual satisfaction is more likely to occur in countries where there is a closer match in the gender power of men and women, and where the couple can be on more intimate, affectionate terms in all areas of their lives. C. Extramarital Relationships • There are two kinds of extramarital relationships: o Consensual—occur when couples decide to leave themselves open for emotional and/or sexual interactions with other people outside of marriage and do so with their spouse’s consent o Non-consensual • Polyamory is the practice of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time, with the consent and full knowledge of everyone involved. • Polyamory should not be confused with cheating or having an affair outside of a committed relationship because all the partners consent to the relationships. Polyamorous partners may live together in respectful, meaningful, and satisfying relationships. Unlike polygamy, polyamory does not necessarily involve marriage and may involve two men and one woman, rather than one man with more than one wife. • Another kind of extramarital relationship is nonconsensual. Going outside a relationship to have sex secretly with another person is one of the most scorned behaviors in U.S. society. In a poll by the Pew Research Center (2006), 88% of Americans disapproved of adultery, in which a married person has an extramarital relationship. Both genders may engage in adultery though it is more common among men than among women. • The relationship rules that couples set with respect to what is or is not cheating vary to some extent, but they distinguish between nonconsensual and consensual extramarital relationships. o Nonconsensual cheating occurs when one marriage partner does not know of or agree to an outside relationship. o In consensual extramarital relations, the couple agrees that sex with people outside the marriage is acceptable. For example, some couples may agree that the husband may have safe sex with a female sex worker when he is away from home and not consider that “cheating.” In an older generation, this form of consensual infidelity was called swinging, and it was associated primarily with open heterosexual relationships. D. Divorce and Subsequent Marriages • Divorce, the legal termination of a marriage, has become more common in our society over past generations. • The most common reason people divorce is problems in communication or a sense of feeling unhappy or unloved in a relationship. • Younger people are more likely to divorce than older people, which is why some people recommend delaying marriage until later in life. People with less education and less income, as well as women who attain graduate degrees and career success, have higher rates of divorce. Additionally, the so-called “4-year” or “7-year” itch is not just a myth but refers to higher divorce rates around these milestones in the cycle of marriage and commitment—which may suggest a gradual awakening to the level of dissatisfaction with one’s partner. • The effect of divorce or separation on children has been widely studied (Gottman, 2011). The older and more emotionally stable the children are, the better they adjust. At whatever age, though, divorce is disruptive and children may have many reactions, including anger, depression, sadness, and grief. E. Same-Sex Marriage • In the United States, many gay and lesbian couples want the same legal protections and the civil rights as their heterosexual peers and feel that because they pay taxes and serve in the armed forces and vote that they deserve equal treatment. • Many same-sex couples have expressed concern, anxiety, and even fear that they will not be able to live together or support their relationship in the face of a health emergency or discrimination due to the lack of societal acceptance and benefits. • While the majority of all Americans support marriage equality for same-sex couples, a much larger percentage of young people appear to have made up their minds that it is okay for LGBTQ people to be married. The Pew Foundation has found that 15- to 25-year-olds support gay marriage by a 6 to 1 ratio, and it may be that the number is growing larger, suggesting that within a few years, the laws might change. Research and Sexual Well-Being • Marriage has deep cultural, spiritual, and psychological significance for many people. It is a key to healthy sexuality and sexual well-being for those who aspire to wed. o People who are denied the right to marry can be affected socially and emotionally in adult and later life development (Herdt & Kertzner, 2006), which may thwart their sexual well-being. Some effects are very negative, some are only a nuisance, and others do harm through stigma. • The denial of marriage for lesbians and gay men deprives them of many of the civil rights enjoyed by other Americans. Legal discrimination against lesbians and gay men is similar to that suffered by African Americans for so many years before they were accorded the same legal protections as White U.S. citizens. o Before the Civil War, African Americans were not allowed to vote and they were generally prohibited from legally marrying (Cott, 2002). Additionally, many states passed laws barring miscegenation, marriage between individuals of different races, to prevent Blacks and Whites from intermarrying. Only in1967 did the U.S. Supreme Court strike down this barrier to marriage. • Marriage denial is discrimination against what some call “household security”—that is, food, shelter, and health care sufficient to safeguard a family’s wellbeing (Duggan & Kim, 2005). This lack of security can be traced, in part, to a loss of the support from the biological family of gays and lesbians when they revealed they were gay. • The denial of marriage has prevented some gays and lesbians from forming a family and raising children (West, 2007). Many heterosexuals depend on their children to provide physical, financial, and psychological support in old age, or in times of distress such as illness. o But without marriage rights, gays and lesbians are reluctant to start families and so are deprived of what, for many people, is a sense of fulfillment. • Legal marriage could provide for fulfillment, support, and sexual well-being for same-sex couples in the same ways that are well established for heterosexual couples (Badgett, 2009; Mays & Cochran, 2001). While some countries around the world recognize this possibility, the United States is not yet one of those nations (Badgett, 2009; Wolfson, 2005). III. Sexuality and Aging Populations A. Sex and Well-Being at Midlife • By the time people reach midlife—the period from about the late 30s to the mid-60s—their sexual health and relationships are adapting to the consequences of advancing in years, which often includes a natural decline in sexual desire. The nature of these changes is radically different for the current generation of midlife adults, in part because advances in medical care have greatly increased longevity. Americans now are living about 31 years longer on average than they did in 1900 (Santrock, 2012). In fact, babies born in the United States today have an expected lifespan of 78.3 years, and individuals who are 65 now can expect to live another 18.7 years. • Studies have found that about 50% of all older adults were satisfied or very satisfied with relatively low levels of sexual activity. These results suggest that the quality of the sexual experience may be more important to them than the quantity of sex. • Sexual performance can serve as a barometer of our physical and mental health. For example, erection issues for men may be an early warning sign of high blood pressure, diabetes, or a decline in testosterone (Lindau et al., 2007). Females may experience vaginal dryness, some loss of desire, decline in androgens, or high blood pressure and diabetes. Medication for some medical conditions can also cause sexual dysfunction. B. How Sex Shapes Men and Women as They Age • There are notions that sexual desire declines with age, because sex becomes more physically difficult, and that people abandon it because they associate it with youthful vigor. It is worth noting that such traditional wisdom is ageist—that is, it expresses prejudicial attitudes about being older. • The fact is that many older adults continue to enjoy intimacy, physical closeness, hugging, and touching, which may or may not involve bodily penetration. C. Female Issues with Desire • Although men and women alike continue to find satisfaction in sex as they grow older, aging affects the sexual lives of heterosexual women earlier and more adversely than it affects heterosexual men. • Female sexual arousal disorder (FSAD) is the inability to attain or maintain sexual excitement, expressed as a lack of subjective excitement or as a lack of genital lubrication or swelling or other physical responses. Another disorder, female sexual desire disorder (FSDD), is the persistent inability to achieve fulfilling sexual activity, or to maintain a level of sexual desire that the individual woman feels comfortable with. Typically this disorder occurs after age 25 but the symptoms vary greatly among individuals. • Some women may experience vulvo-vaginal atrophy, generally as a consequence of menopause and the body’s declining level of estrogen. If intercourse hurts because of this atrophy, women’s interest in intercourse will decline. D. Male Issues with Arousal • The possibility of lifelong sex for men now exists not only due to changing attitudes surrounding sex but also because of sexual enhancement medications such as Viagra, Cialis, and other pharmaceuticals aimed toward helping men achieve and maintain erections. Erectile dysfunction (ED) is increasingly common as men live longer and health issues may influence their sexual performance. E. Aging, Disability, and Sexual Well-Being • Disability may occur at any time in life and may come in the form of a mental or physical challenge to one’s abilities. In general, people with disabilities report greater issues surrounding sexual satisfaction compared to the general population. • Men who have degenerative diseases of the central nervous system may not be able to use their hands to touch their own genitals or those of their partners. One detailed study revealed that some men with this type of disability had not received sexual education or experienced sexual relations of any kind. • About 20% of military service members returning from Iraq and Afghanistan experience major depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but due to looming stigma of mental illness, only about half of them seek treatment. F. Illness and Sexuality – Cardiovascular Disease, Diabetes, Cancer • Illness, especially chronic, long-lasting conditions, such as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, arthritis, and cancer, produce sexual side effects. G. Elderhood and Healthy Sexuality • Older adults who continue to enjoy sexual relations often express positive and energetic ideas, values, and connections to the world in other areas, such as work and friendships (Delamater & Sill, 2005). It appears that people who continue to enjoy sexual relations are not only healthier, but also are more engaged in the world (Valliant, 2002). When their sexual relations decline, other things may be occurring, such as physical challenges or disability. Sex, in short, is an excellent sign and predictor that people are doing well. • Elderhood, which starts at about age 85, is often overlooked in people’s thinking about sexual experience and relationships. Studies reveal, however, that a significant number of people age 75 and older continue to have sexual relations on a regular basis. IV. Sexuality and Well-Being in Late Life • Following the death of a partner, people typically go through a period of grief, a cycle that helps them to cope with such profound loss as someone with whom they may have shared decades of experiences. The decline of sexual energy during such periods is typical. • When they have finished grieving, they may be ready for a new social life. They may want to date, which brings new challenges, although being single during late adulthood may also bring opportunities for romance, love, and sexual intimacy. One challenge for this age group is HIV. Surprisingly, the HIV rate is rising most rapidly in populations over age 55 in urban centers. • Another challenge is the settings in which the elderly may meet new people. They may find intimate partners in senior centers, assisted-living facilities, and retirement homes. The staff and younger adults may regard these facilities as “desexualized” because they may harbor the attitude that sex is for young people and not for elders. Nothing could be further from the truth. Key Terms Early adulthood—early 20s to mid-30s Midlife—adulthood beginning in the late 40s Seniors—adults 65 and up Elders—adults 85 and up Single—uncommitted or unmarried Celibacy—the condition of remaining single, often by choice Casual sex—sex with people with whom you are not in love or committed Serial monogamy—the practice of having an exclusive relationship with one person, breaking up, and going on to another exclusive relationship Friends with benefits (FWB)—singles involved sexually with a friend or acquaintance for some mutual benefit, such as shared rent, but without commitment Cohabitation—the state of living together or sharing the same space as a couple without being legally married Common law marriage—an interpersonal status involving two people who live together and regard each other publicly as spouses even though no marriage or civil ceremony has occurred Domestic partnership—a defined legal and social status in some states, and in the corporate sphere for some companies, that provides some benefits, such as health care, to registered domestic partners Civil union—a legally recognized union similar to marriage but not having all the same protections and rights Same-sex marriage—a term used to describe a legal marriage and formal status between two people of the same biological sex Registered partnership—legal status granted in some states allowing same-sex or opposite-sex couples to receive tax benefits and other benefits granted to married couples Contraceptive switch—phase of cohabitation when couples develop reproductive plans Living apart together (LAT)—the cultural idea that two people can be a couple but live apart in separate households Winnowing hypothesis—the idea that people become increasingly selective and more careful during the process of dating, mating, cohabitating, and marriage Heterogamy—marriage between two individuals of different ethnicities, income, social class, or religion Homogamy—marriage between individuals who are culturally similar Dual income, no sex (DINS) couples—partners who are so busy that they cannot cope with intimacy or they omit sex from the relationship Caste—hereditary social status of Hindu families in India and South Asia Monogamous marriage—legal union between one man and one woman Polygamous marriage—practice of one man having more than one wife Polyamory—the intentional acceptance of one’s partner having sexual relations with someone else, typically for a significant period of time Adultery—an act of sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than the person’s spouse; also called “cheating” Swinging—the idea that married heterosexuals can have casual sex with other heterosexuals outside the relationship, generally with the spouse’s consent Divorce—the legal termination of a marriage Miscegenation—marriage, cohabitation, or sexual relations between individuals of different races Ageist—treating older adults in a discriminatory way Female sexual arousal disorder (FSAD)—the inability to attain or maintain sexual excitement, expressed as a lack of subjective excitement or as a lack of genital lubrication/swelling Female sexual desire disorder (FSDD)—the persistent inability to achieve fulfilling sexual relations due to a lack of desire Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)—a condition characterized by depression, flashbacks, and other persistent symptoms that may be experienced after a major life trauma, such as war and rape Elderhood—the period of life that starts at about age 85, and is often overlooked in people’s thinking about sexual experience and relationships Instructor Manual for Human Sexuality: Self, Society, and Culture Gilbert Herdt, Nicole Polen-Petit 9780073532165, 9780077817527
