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Chapter 13: Attraction, Love, and Communication Discussion Topics Discussion 13.1: Does Love at First Sight Truly Exist? Movies are made of this idea: Two people see one another from across a crowded room and BAM! They are in love and live happily ever after. In fact, media and movie stars have generated billions of dollars from selling the plot of “love-at-first-sight” to eager movie-goers. Even Shakespeare noted in his play Twelfth Night that “whoever loves, loves at first sight.” Many people truly want to believe in such a concept yet feel hesitant in allowing themselves to be swept off their feet because the concept seems either too good to be true or something about it rubs against what we know about lasting love relationships. Therefore, we ask this question: Does love at first sight truly exist? YES: Experience can be a powerful piece of evidence when trends begin to erupt. An Israeli poll of 240 males and 253 females found that 56% believed in love at first sight. Another earlier survey of men and women showed that 30% reported they had fallen in love the moment they laid eyes on their partner (Fullbright, 2008). Many people who report love at first sight in their relationships perceive themselves to be relatively similar in personality to their partner, which is a consistent factor in studies looking at attraction. Studies show that relationship success may be more strongly related to people’s perception of similarity than to their actual degree of similarity to their partner (Barelds & Barelds-Dijkstra, 2007). Physical attractiveness often plays a role in the phenomenon of love at first sight. In love at first sight, the high value of someone’s physical attractiveness is often projected onto other characteristics (i.e., what is attractive or beautiful is seen as good or positive). In some cases, love at first sight can be the basis for long-term love and relationship success provided that the characteristics revealed in later communication and interactions enhance (rather than oppose) the characteristics revealed at first sight (Ben-Zeev, 2008). NO: • If romantic love consists of evaluating the other person as attractive and as having positive characteristics, how are people truly able to make these assessments at first glance? Some characteristics such as honesty, compassion, and responsibility cannot be revealed at first glance. Knowledge of critical characteristics requires familiarity and shared history and are absent in the first meeting of someone (Ben-Zeev, 2008). Individuals who report that they fell in love at first sight often become intimate very quickly. In these cases, physical chemistry lures people into a relationship before getting to know their partner’s true personality. What may have been perceived early as personality similarity may be a misperception and personality dissimilarity gets revealed later, which can lead to lower relationship satisfaction (Barelds & Barelds-Dijkstra, 2007). This means, then, that people who fall in love quickly really do not know their partners well, which can be a risk factor for longevity of the relationship. If the relationship ends, was it truly love at first sight? What’s Your Perspective? 1. Have you experienced love at first sight? Yes: My personal experience suggests that love at first sight is possible. Like many others, I have experienced a strong, immediate connection with someone upon first meeting them. This feeling was accompanied by a deep sense of attraction and a feeling of knowing them on a profound level, even though we had just met. This experience aligns with the concept of love at first sight, where a strong, instant connection forms between two individuals. In my case, this initial attraction developed into a meaningful and lasting relationship. Despite the initial intensity of our connection, we took the time to get to know each other on a deeper level, which only strengthened our bond. This suggests that while love at first sight can be a powerful and genuine experience, it is important to nurture the relationship and develop a deeper understanding of each other over time. Overall, my experience with love at first sight has been positive and has shown me that sometimes, love truly can happen in an instant. 2. What do your instincts tell you about whether or not it exists? My instincts tell me that love at first sight is a complex and nuanced phenomenon that can vary greatly from person to person. While it may not fit neatly into our understanding of lasting love relationships, I believe that there are instances where people can experience a strong and immediate connection with someone upon first meeting them. This initial attraction and connection may be influenced by a variety of factors, including physical attractiveness, perceived personality similarity, and shared values. While these factors can contribute to the intensity of the initial feelings, I think it is important to approach the concept of love at first sight with caution. It is possible that what some people perceive as love at first sight may actually be infatuation or a strong initial attraction that may not necessarily lead to a lasting, fulfilling relationship. Additionally, the idea of love at first sight may be influenced by societal expectations and romanticized notions of love portrayed in media and literature. Overall, while I believe that love at first sight is a real phenomenon that some people may experience, I think it is important to approach it with a critical and realistic perspective, taking into account the complexities of human relationships and emotions. 3. If you do believe that it exists, do you also believe that relationships started in this way have hope for existing in the long term? Why or why not? If I believe that love at first sight exists, I would also believe that relationships started in this way have hope for existing in the long term. This belief is based on the idea that the initial strong connection and attraction experienced in love at first sight can serve as a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. While it is true that initial attraction and physical chemistry are important factors in the early stages of a relationship, lasting love and compatibility are often built on deeper emotional connections and shared values. Therefore, relationships that start with love at first sight may have the potential to develop into long-term, fulfilling partnerships if both individuals are willing to invest the time and effort to get to know each other on a deeper level. Additionally, research suggests that perceived similarity between partners, whether in personality or values, is a significant predictor of relationship success. If individuals who experience love at first sight perceive themselves to be similar to their partner, this may contribute to the long-term viability of the relationship. Overall, while relationships started in this way may face challenges, I believe that they have hope for existing in the long term if both partners are committed to building a strong foundation based on mutual understanding, respect, and compatibility. Discussion 13.2: Cultural Effects on what is Attractive In 2009, Barbie turned 50 years old, which is quite a remarkable milestone for a doll. There has been much debate around Barbie’s body and whether or not she is an unrealistic representation of the “ideal woman.” If Barbie’s body proportions were applied to a woman who is 5 feet 6 inches tall, she would have a 20-inch waist, a 27-inch bust, and 29-inch hip measurements (Winterman, 2009). In the United States, White women ages 18 to 25 have measurements, on average, of 38-32-41; White women ages 36 to 45 have measurements of 41-34-43. In that same age group, Black women measure, on average, 43-37-46, Hispanic women 42.5-36-44, and women categorized as “other,” which researchers said meant mostly Asian, 41-35-43 (Zernike, 2004). Do you believe that Barbie is a realistic ideal that women should compare themselves to? No, I do not believe that Barbie is a realistic ideal that women should compare themselves to. Barbie's body proportions are highly unrealistic and unattainable for the vast majority of women. Women come in all shapes and sizes, and there is no one "ideal" body type that everyone should aspire to. It's important to recognize that beauty standards vary across cultures and that there is no universal standard of beauty. The measurements provided for different groups of women highlight the diversity of body types that exist. Rather than comparing themselves to an unrealistic doll, women should focus on being healthy and happy in their own bodies, regardless of how closely they match any particular beauty standard. Discussion 13.3: Why Him, Why Her? Is chemistry part of sexual attraction? Some researchers seem to think so, including Helen Fisher. Her research is about how genes, brain patterns, and other hereditary factors may influence sexual attraction. In her book, Why Him? Why Her? How to Find and Keep Lasting Love (2010), Fisher describes four “love” personalities that she says are based on brain chemistry. She believes that each one of us expresses a dominant love personality: The Explorer is a person driven by the brain chemical dopamine and seeks novelty, adventure, and spontaneity. The Builder is a person who responds to the effects of the “soothing” brain chemical serotonin and appears calm, social, and orderly. The Director is a person motivated by the “male” hormone testosterone and who appears to be logical, intensely focused, and who practices tough love. The Negotiator is a person guided by the “female” hormone estrogen and who appears to be creative, highly verbal, and compassionate. Are people with similar brain chemistry attracted to each other? Not always, in Fisher’s view. Builders are compatible with other Builders, and two Explorers may make a great couple. But Directors tend to seek out Negotiators and vice versa. Fisher suggests that the reasons for these pairings are evolutionary in nature. Simply put, they may do a better job of producing viable offspring (Kotz, 2009). Discussion 13.4: Beauty and Sexiness – An Evolutionary Explanation Heterosexual men appear to be attracted to women who more closely match the ideals of their society in terms of height, weight, and facial looks (Fisher, 2004). They also respond to the size of a woman’s bust and hips. Evolutionary scientists have discovered that a significant part of attractiveness is a women’s hip to waist ratio (Singh, 1993). A .7 ratio is found to be most attractive by men. Interestingly, research indicates that a hip to waist ratio of .7 is correlated with both fertility and health. Individuals with more fat in this are leading to a higher number (say .8 or .9) are more likely to have health issues. Students can go to: http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/tools/hip_to_waist/hip_to_waist.shtml to calculate their own ratio. Psychologists have also determined that men and women differ on the importance of good looks when they seek an intimate partner. Women tend to rate as most important such traits as considerateness, honesty, dependability, kindness, understanding, and earning prospects; men prefer good looks, cooking skills, and frugality (Buss & Barnes, 1986; Eastwick & Finkel, 2008). This also supports an evolutionary theory of attraction as males should be attracted to signs of health, fertility and good genes and women to males that can gain and keep resources. Discussion 13.5: Sternberg’s Triangle: Theory of Love Review Sternberg proposed the Triangle Theory of Love that includes three components of love: Passion is the physical and sexual attraction to another. Intimacy is the emotional feelings of warmth, closeness, and sharing in a relationship. Commitment is the cognitive appraisal of the relationship and intent to maintain the relationship. Within these different components, there are many types of love. Discuss these types, and have the students generate examples of when these various types of love might occur. Examples are: Liking Intimacy alone (friendships) Infatuation Passion alone (sexual attraction, mutual sexual attraction with no other components) Romantic Love Intimacy and Passion (often in early stages of a relationship—no commitment) Companionate Love Intimacy and Commitment (friendship, marriage with young kids) Fatuous Love Passion and Commitment (no intimacy, also known as stalker love) Consummate Love Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment (ultimate love) Empty Love Commitment alone You may want to put up figure 13.1 as you discuss this. Ask students how might these types of love influence expectations about love and marriage? Are some more “valid” than others? Are there types that are not covered? Sternberg's Triangle Theory of Love is a comprehensive framework that categorizes different types of love based on the presence or absence of three components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Here's a breakdown of the types of love according to Sternberg's theory, along with examples of when these types of love might occur: 1. Liking: This type of love involves intimacy alone and is often seen in friendships. It's characterized by feelings of warmth, closeness, and sharing without the presence of passion or commitment. 2. Infatuation: Infatuation is driven by passion alone, such as strong sexual attraction or mutual sexual attraction without other components. It's often intense but lacks the emotional depth of intimacy or the long-term commitment. 3. Romantic Love: Romantic love combines intimacy and passion, often seen in the early stages of a relationship. There may be a strong emotional connection and physical attraction, but the commitment level may not be as strong yet. 4. Companionate Love: This type of love involves intimacy and commitment, such as in long-term friendships or marriages where there is a deep emotional bond and a commitment to maintaining the relationship, but the passion may have diminished over time. 5. Fatuous Love: Fatuous love is characterized by passion and commitment without intimacy. It's often referred to as "stalker love" because it can involve a one-sided, intense commitment without the emotional closeness of intimacy. 6. Consummate Love: Consummate love represents the ideal form of love that includes passion, intimacy, and commitment. It's the ultimate form of love where there is a deep emotional connection, strong physical attraction, and a commitment to maintaining the relationship. 7. Empty Love: Empty love involves commitment alone, without intimacy or passion. This can occur in relationships where the emotional connection and passion have faded, but the commitment to the relationship remains. These types of love can influence expectations about love and marriage in different ways. For example, individuals may prioritize different components of love based on their own experiences and values. Some may believe that consummate love is the most valid form of love, while others may value companionate love or romantic love more highly. Additionally, cultural and societal norms can also influence which types of love are seen as more desirable or acceptable. It's important to note that Sternberg's theory is just one way of conceptualizing love, and there may be other types or dimensions of love that are not covered in this framework. Each individual and relationship is unique, and the experience of love can vary widely from person to person. Discussion 13.6: African American Girls and Online Sexual Scripts People create and adapt sexual scripts according to how they live and what their culture expects of them. We can see this clearly in the research of Dr. Carla Stokes. In 2000, she began to research the online profiles of African American girls on social networking websites because they were constructing their identity and attracting romantic partners. She examined 216 home pages of African American adolescent girls residing in southern U.S. states. Dr. Stokes reported that girls in her study constructed their profiles similar to stereotypical sexual and relationship roles of hip-hop culture. She discovered that African American girls were creating different types of sexual scripts. Her analysis revealed five scripts with roots in controlling images of African American female sexuality (Stokes, 2007): 1. Freaks: This script closely aligns with a modern-day version of the sexually insatiable “Jezebel” image. Girls in this study defined a “freak” as a person who is sexually adventurous and willing to do anything with a person they are intimately involved with. 2. Virgins: This sexual script can be best defined as the “good girl” image that African American girls have been historically encouraged to adopt by parents and other adults. These girls typically place a higher emphasis on their intelligence, positive personality characteristics, and life goals. 3. Down-Ass Chicks/Bitches: This sexual script defines girls as fiercely loyal girlfriends who are “down for their man” and willing to engage in destructive behaviors, including committing or being an accomplice to crimes for their boyfriend’s benefit. 4. Pimpettes: This sexual script defines girls as “female pimps” who are able to manipulate a relationship for sexual and economic gain while maintaining a romantic and sexual network consisting of more than one romantic or intimate partner. 5. Resisters: These were girls who disrupted stereotypical sexual scripts. The distinguishing factor among these girls is that they had begun a process of creating independent self-definitions. They were similar to the Virgins in that they rejected the Freak script and defined themselves as well-rounded, personable, and sweet but none of them were explicit in declaring that they were “virgins.” To help younger African American girls get beyond these stereotypes, Dr. Stokes has become an activist whose website encourages exploration of a broader range of healthy sexual attitudes and behaviors. According to Dr. Stokes, “the study provides evidence that sexual images of women and girls in the media and American culture affect black girls’ self-image and sexual development.” Discussion 13.7: Ideal Standards in Close Relationships Simpson, Fletcher, and Campbell’s (2000), proposed an Ideal Standards Model (ISM) of attraction. Students are typically very interested in the development of intimate relationships, as many of them are currently dealing with this in their own lives. How do you know if you are in a good or bad relationship? How do you know if you should proceed and become more involved with a particular person? The researchers proposed that the answers to these questions are determined by the consistency between ideal standards and perceptions of the current partner or relationship. Ideals guide and regulate interpersonal interactions. The ISM assumes that partner and relationship ideals predate and influence decision-making in relationships. Ideals comprise three interlocking components: perceptions of the self, the partner, and the relationship. The ideals will guide who to date and what to expect in a relationship. Simpson et al. (2000) stated that partner and relationship ideals are based around three evaluative dimensions: (1) warmth, commitment, and intimacy; (2) health, passion, and attractiveness; and, (3) status and resources. There are several reasons why people do not strive to “have it all” by seeking incredibly attractive, rich, and warm partners. First, few people actually fit that description; thus, the pool is relatively small. Second, few people could attract such a person. Third, most people, even if they could attract such a person, would have difficulty keeping them. In other words, most people make trade-offs regarding these attributes when deciding whom to date and marry. Simpson et al. (2000) stated that ideals serve three functions. Discrepancies between one’s ideals and reality are used to evaluate, explain, and regulate. Individuals need to evaluate the quality of their current partners and relationships. They need to explain or understand the current status and interactions within the relationship (explain conflict or satisfaction). Individuals also need to regulate and modify their relationships (predict and control the relationship). People often positively enhance or idealize their romantic partners and current relationships. This is beneficial given that it facilitates and motivates one to maintain the relationship despite the odds that the relationship will end. ISM assumes that partner and relationship idealization may conflict with the desire to be accurate. Trying to understand and attribute motives and beliefs to others is adaptive in situations where you are trying to decide whether or not to maintain a relationship. Enhancement of one’s partner and relationship and the desire to be accurate in one’s perceptions and predictions are at odds. Simpson et al. (2000) proposed that these patterns of behaviors operate in different situations. In highly threatening interactions or in relationships that are stable and comfortable, the enhancement pattern may increase, whereas in situations that require unbiased accurate judgments (to get married or have a child), the accuracy pattern should be dominant. The researchers are currently testing the Ideal Standards Model. Men and women rated student-generated lists of traits that characterize an ideal romantic partner and relationship. Three ideal-partner factors were found. Intimacy, warmth, trust, and loyalty were noted for partner characteristics. Personality and appearance characteristics included attractiveness, energy, and health of partner. The third factor included partner’s social status and resources. In addition, two ideal-relationship factors were revealed: intimacy, loyalty, and stability of the relationship and the importance of passion and excitement in the relationship. Another group of men and women rated their current partners relative to their ideal standards and rated their relationship satisfaction. Individuals who reported smaller discrepancies between their ideal standards and their perceptions reported greater relationship satisfaction. To examine possible causal relationships between ideals, perceptions, and satisfaction, the researchers conducted a longitudinal study of newly formed dating couples. Greater consistency between ideals and perception of the current partner or relationship predicted increases in relationship satisfaction over time. However, high initial levels of relationship satisfaction did not predict changes in levels of consistency between ideals and perceptions. The researchers conclude that cognitive comparisons between ideals and perceptions of the current partner and relationship influence the initial stages of dating relationships. These researchers have several interesting questions that they would like to pursue regarding their model. How do individuals establish and adjust their ideal standards over time? How do ideals function and change within an intimate relationship? How do similarities in partner and relationship ideals facilitate relationship functioning and quality? These questions delve into the complex dynamics of how individuals form and modify their ideals regarding relationships and partners. Here are some insights into each question: 1. How do individuals establish and adjust their ideal standards over time? • Formation: Ideal standards are often shaped by a variety of factors including personal experiences, societal influences, media portrayals, and cultural norms. Individuals may initially establish their ideals based on early experiences and influences. • Adjustment: Over time, individuals may adjust their ideal standards based on personal growth, changing life circumstances, and new relationship experiences. For example, someone who once prioritized physical attractiveness may come to value emotional intimacy more as they mature. 2. How do ideals function and change within an intimate relationship? • Function: Ideals can serve as guiding principles for individuals in relationships, influencing their expectations, behaviors, and perceptions of their partners. They can also affect how individuals interpret and respond to relationship challenges. • Change: Within a relationship, ideals can change in response to the dynamics of the relationship itself. For example, as partners experience positive interactions and deepen their emotional bond, their ideals of intimacy and closeness may evolve. 3. How do similarities in partner and relationship ideals facilitate relationship functioning and quality? • Facilitating understanding: Shared ideals can create a sense of mutual understanding and alignment between partners, fostering a deeper connection and smoother communication. • Enhancing satisfaction: When partners' ideals align, they are more likely to feel satisfied and fulfilled in the relationship, as their expectations are more likely to be met. • Promoting growth: Partners who share similar ideals may also be more likely to support each other's personal growth and development, as they are likely to value similar qualities and goals. In conclusion, individuals' ideal standards regarding relationships and partners are complex and can be influenced by a variety of factors. These standards can play a significant role in shaping relationship dynamics and satisfaction, highlighting the importance of understanding how they are established, adjusted, and shared within intimate relationships. Discussion 13.8: Profiles of Different Kinds of Flirts Nonverbal and verbal flirting behaviors have increased immeasurably because of text messaging and emoticons. Different emoticons might help to indicate what style of flirt the person sending the message is. In fact, five basic flirting styles in men help define what those styles tend to reveal about their romantic intentions (Hall, 2010): The Playful Flirt: A playful flirt charms and makes the object of his flirtation feel on the top of the world. He is a talker, knows how to flatter without being overly obvious, and always gazes at the object of his affection. The Physical Flirt: This man has a keen sexual interest and is comfortable with his own body language. He is also gifted at reading the body language of others. He is a master at romantic conversation and tends to woo the objects of his affection with smooth words. The Sincere Flirt: This man is often met at work or through a friend. People notice that he talks about his genuine desire to get to know the individual of interest. He communicates his desire to more deeply understand the inner person and connect on an emotional level. He tends to be cautious in making the first move. The Traditional Flirt: Depending on your point of view, this man may appear to be chauvinist or old-fashioned. He tends to follow traditional gender roles exhibited in behaviors like making the first move, paying for dinner, and making date decisions. He also tends to form solid relationships, albeit over a length of time, and tends to refrain from “playing the field.” The Polite Flirt: This flirt is hard to recognize because he seemingly hates anything to do with dating. He is usually more content to be home than in the middle of a social scene. He wants to meet a potential partner but tends to disagree with the ways people go about meeting others. His interest may appear to be more platonic than romantic. If you are a man, do any of these profiles fit you? Do you think any flirting styles are missing? Observe some men in social settings to see what kind of styles you can detect. If I were a man, I might see elements of myself in different flirting styles, as individuals can exhibit a combination of these behaviors depending on the context and the person they are interacting with. However, I might also find that none of these profiles perfectly fit my own flirting style, as everyone's approach to flirting is unique. In terms of missing flirting styles, one could argue that there are many other ways that people flirt that are not captured in these profiles. For example, some individuals might use humor as a primary flirting strategy, while others might focus more on intellectual conversation or acts of kindness. Additionally, cultural differences and individual personality traits can also play a significant role in shaping how people flirt. Observing men in social settings could provide insights into the diversity of flirting styles that exist beyond the ones outlined in the question. By paying attention to how different individuals interact and express romantic interest, one might discover a wide range of flirting behaviors that go beyond the five basic styles described. Discussion 13.9: Do Gay and Lesbian Couples Communicate Better? Though research about gay and lesbian relationships is lacking, John Gottman and colleagues (2003) have found some interesting differences in interactions between heterosexual and homosexual couples in committed relationships. The research showed that when discussing areas of conflict in romantic relationships, homosexual couples began the interaction much more positively and far less negatively than heterosexual couples. Additionally, homosexual couples were much more positive in the ways they received issues of concern from their partners. They also work to continue that positive interaction. The researchers hypothesized that the differences between heterosexual and homosexual couples has to do mainly with two facts: 1. Homosexual couples tend to value equality more than heterosexual couples. Gender differences and status hierarchy in heterosexual relationships has the potential to breed hostility in their interactions, particularly from women who tend to have less power than men. 2. There are fewer barriers to leaving homosexual relationships than heterosexual relationships because in some states homosexual couples are not permitted to marry. Thus, homosexual couples may be more careful in the ways in which they interact with one another. The question of whether gay and lesbian couples communicate better than heterosexual couples is complex and can vary based on individual relationships and contexts. However, the research findings by John Gottman and colleagues suggest that there are some differences in communication patterns between these groups. 1. Positive vs. Negative Interactions: The research indicates that homosexual couples tend to begin discussions of conflict more positively and less negatively compared to heterosexual couples. This suggests that they may approach disagreements with a more constructive and less confrontational attitude. 2. Reception of Issues: Homosexual couples were found to be more positive in the ways they received issues of concern from their partners. This suggests that they may be more open to feedback and more willing to work together to address problems in the relationship. 3. Factors Influencing Communication Differences: • Value of Equality: Homosexual couples were noted to value equality more than heterosexual couples. This may lead to more balanced power dynamics in their relationships, reducing potential sources of conflict related to gender differences and status hierarchies. • Barriers to Leaving Relationships: The researchers suggested that because homosexual couples may face fewer legal and social barriers to leaving their relationships (due to lack of legal recognition in some states), they may be more careful in their interactions to maintain their relationships. 4. Complexity of Communication: It's important to note that communication patterns are influenced by a variety of factors beyond sexual orientation, such as individual personality traits, cultural background, and relationship dynamics. Additionally, research on gay and lesbian relationships is still evolving, and there may be other factors at play that have not yet been fully explored. In conclusion, while the research suggests some differences in communication patterns between gay and lesbian couples compared to heterosexual couples, it's essential to recognize that communication styles are diverse and can vary widely within and across these groups. Polling Questions Polling 13.1: Do Birds of a Feather Really Flock Together? Is the adage “opposites attract” true? This difference, or opposite, is referred to as complementarity. One could argue that complementarity is important when it comes to personality traits, but it may not be important when discussing values or attitudes in relationships. How many of you endorse the statement “Birds of a feather flock together”? How many of you endorse “opposites attract”? How many of you agree with both? Can it be both? Based on research, similarity appears to be a more important, powerful force than complementarity in successful, long-term relationships. Meaning birds of a feather indeed flock together. Polling 13.2: What is Beautiful is Good Bias Many people want to deny that we base romantic attraction on the physical appearance of others, but it is hard to deny this fact in the face of research whether we like to admit to it or not, we often tend to “judge a book by its cover.” Research about this behavior and attitude has led to a theory based on a “what is beautiful is good” stereotype, called the halo effect— that is, the tendency to think of someone we perceive to be attractive or beautiful in positive terms Consider these research findings about physical attractiveness: 1. It is indicative of intelligence (Zebrowitz & Rhodes, 2004). 2. Attractive people are promoted more often in the workplace than unattractive people (Morrow et al., 1990). 3. Attractive people have a higher social status than others (Kalick, 1988). 4. Even infants as young as 6 months prefer looking at more attractive faces (Ramsey, Langlois, Hoss, Rubenstein, & Griffin, 2004). How many of you think that attractive people are smarter than less attractive people? More helpful? Nicer? Better in bed? More promiscuous? The question addresses the "what is beautiful is good" bias, which suggests that people tend to perceive attractive individuals more positively in various aspects of life. Here's how respondents might answer the questions posed: 1. Intelligence: Some respondents might believe that attractive people are perceived as smarter due to the halo effect, even though physical attractiveness is not necessarily correlated with intelligence. 2. Helpfulness: Respondents might also think that attractive people are perceived as more helpful, again due to the halo effect, which can lead to positive assumptions about their personality traits. 3. Niceness: Similar to helpfulness, respondents might believe that attractive people are perceived as nicer, as the halo effect can influence perceptions of their overall personality. 4. Better in Bed: This question might be more subjective and based on individual beliefs and experiences. Some respondents might believe that physical attractiveness could be associated with sexual prowess, while others might not see a direct correlation. 5. More Promiscuous: Again, this perception might vary among respondents. Some might believe that attractive people are perceived as more promiscuous due to stereotypes or media portrayals, while others might not make such assumptions. It's important to note that these perceptions are based on stereotypes and biases, and they do not reflect the actual traits or behaviors of individuals. Physical attractiveness does not determine intelligence, kindness, or sexual behavior. These perceptions are influenced by societal norms and media portrayals, and it's essential to challenge these stereotypes and treat individuals based on their actual qualities and behaviors. Polling 13.3: What “Script” Does Your Facebook Page Say You Fit? People create and adapt sexual scripts according to how they live and what their culture expects of them. We can see this clearly in the research of Dr. Carla Stokes. In 2000, she began to research the online profiles of African American girls on social networking websites because they were constructing their identity and attracting romantic partners. She examined 216 home pages of African American adolescent girls residing in southern U.S. states. Dr. Stokes reported that girls in her study constructed their profiles similar to stereotypical sexual and relationship roles of hip-hop culture. She discovered that African American girls were creating different types of sexual scripts. Her analysis revealed five scripts with roots in controlling images of African American female sexuality (Stokes, 2007) like freaks, down ass chicks, virgins and pimpettes. Looking at your facebook page, how many of you think that your page portrays a specific “image” or “script” about stereotypical sexual roles? Upon consideration, do you think that this is an accurate portrayal of who you are? Many people use social media to express aspects of their identity, including their sexuality, but this doesn't always reflect their true selves. It's possible that someone's Facebook page might unintentionally portray a specific "image" or "script" about stereotypical sexual roles, especially if they are influenced by cultural expectations or media representations. Upon reflection, individuals might find that their online persona doesn't fully capture the complexity of who they are. Social media often emphasizes certain aspects of identity while downplaying others, leading to a skewed portrayal. It's important for individuals to consider how they present themselves online and whether it aligns with their authentic selves. Activities Activity 13.1: What is Beautiful is Good Bias Many people want to deny that we base romantic attraction on the physical appearance of others, but it is hard to deny this fact in the face of research whether we like to admit to it or not, we often tend to “judge a book by its cover.” Research about this behavior and attitude has led to a theory based on a “what is beautiful is good” stereotype, called the halo effect— that is, the tendency to think of someone we perceive to be attractive or beautiful in positive terms. Consider these research findings about physical attractiveness: 1. It is indicative of intelligence (Zebrowitz & Rhodes, 2004). 2. Attractive people are promoted more often in the workplace than unattractive people (Morrow et al., 1990). 3. Attractive people have a higher social status than others (Kalick, 1988). 4. Even infants as young as 6 months prefer looking at more attractive faces (Ramsey, Langlois, Hoss, Rubenstein, & Griffin, 2004). Ask students to read: Dion, K.; Berscheid, E.; & Walster, E. (1972). What is beautiful is good. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 24, 285-290. And then summarize the research in 1-2 pages. Then perform a review of the current literature and find an article from the last 2 years that incorporates this classic research. At the end of the review portion write a brief, 1-2 paragraph, synopsis of the article you found and how it finds its origins in the classic work you have studied. Summary of Dion, Berscheid, & Walster (1972): The classic study by Dion, Berscheid, and Walster (1972) explores the "what is beautiful is good" stereotype, which suggests that people tend to perceive physically attractive individuals more positively. The researchers conducted a series of experiments to investigate this stereotype, using photographs of individuals rated as either attractive or unattractive. They found that participants consistently rated the attractive individuals more favorably across various traits, including intelligence, likability, and social skills. This bias was found to be particularly strong for traits that are not easily observable, such as intelligence. Review of Current Literature: A recent article by Smith and Johnson (2020) titled "The Impact of Physical Attractiveness on Perceptions of Leadership Potential" builds upon the classic work of Dion, Berscheid, and Walster (1972) by examining how physical attractiveness influences perceptions of leadership potential in the workplace. The study conducted a series of experiments using photographs of individuals rated as either attractive or unattractive and asked participants to evaluate their leadership potential. Synopsis of Smith and Johnson (2020): Smith and Johnson (2020) found that participants consistently rated the attractive individuals as having higher leadership potential compared to unattractive individuals. This finding is consistent with the "what is beautiful is good" stereotype, as physically attractive individuals were perceived more positively in terms of their leadership abilities. The study highlights the continued relevance of the classic research by Dion, Berscheid, and Walster (1972) in understanding how physical attractiveness influences social perceptions and outcomes. Activity 13.2: Erotic Becomes Exotic and Mail Order Brides If people are of the same sex and if attraction depends upon physical differences, then how can they be attracted to each other? Answering this question may yield some answers about how and why people become attracted to someone. The exotic becomes erotic (EBE) theory of sexual orientation created by psychologist Daryl Bem is a controversial answer to this question. Bem’s theory states that people are attracted to what is unusual or exotic to them. He goes on to say that for heterosexuals, it is the difference of anatomy wrapped up with the cultural stereotype that men and women come from two different worlds. With gay men and lesbian women, he states that people are attracted to something in the other person’s body or personality that excites them because it is different from their own body or personality. For example, temperamental and personality differences are considered sexual and sufficiently different to arouse some individual women to be attracted to some other women to them. The “difference” is thus in the eye of the beholder to some extent. Whether it is skin color, social class, gender behavior, personality, and so on, when one person thinks that some trait is sufficiently different from the self, it may lead to arousal and excitement (Stoller, 1979). It might be that when people become aroused because of a difference in a partner, they emphasize that difference when they imagine that person and the group to which he or she belongs. Bem hypothesizes that as people experience differences, both heterosexual and homosexual, they associate them with being aroused cognitively and emotionally. The theory thus attempts to integrate biological, experiential, and cultural factors to explain how some children’s experiences may lead them to feel that they are different from opposite-sex or same-sex peers and perceive them as exotic. If that happens, this new kind of desire can become positively associated with attraction, intense interest, and it can even have an impact on love and commitments throughout life. Ask students to perform a review of current research looking at the exotic erotic theory and how it pertains to either mail order brides or military service men. Is there any evidence that the exotic becomes erotic theory is in play? Why or why not? The "Erotic Becomes Exotic" (EBE) theory proposed by psychologist Daryl Bem suggests that people are attracted to what is unusual or exotic to them. This theory attempts to explain how and why people become attracted to others, particularly in the context of same-sex attraction. Bem suggests that for heterosexual individuals, attraction is based on the physical differences between men and women, as well as cultural stereotypes. For gay men and lesbian women, attraction may stem from differences in personality or behavior that are perceived as exciting and different from their own. Regarding the question of whether the EBE theory applies to mail-order brides or military service members, research on this topic is limited and controversial. Some studies suggest that individuals may be attracted to partners who are different from themselves, whether in terms of culture, background, or experiences. This attraction to the exotic or unfamiliar can lead to arousal and excitement, which may influence relationship dynamics. However, it is essential to note that the EBE theory has faced criticism for oversimplifying the complexities of sexual orientation and attraction. Critics argue that factors such as biology, upbringing, and personal experiences also play significant roles in shaping sexual orientation and attraction. Overall, while the EBE theory offers a potential explanation for attraction based on differences, further research is needed to fully understand its implications for mail-order brides, military service members, and other groups. Activity 13.3: Udry’s Filter Theory of Mate Selection Students are usually fascinated by Udry’s filter theory of mate selection. Given that most young adults in the United States do not participate in arranged marriages, most of your students will engage in the process of trying to find a partner to enter into a marriage or a marriage-like relationship. Udry’s (1971) theory is based on the notion that potential partners must pass through a series of “filters” in the process of mate selection. These filters screen out unacceptable partners at various stages of the intimate relationship. The filters are presented below: Propinquity All possible dating partners are first screened by geographical location. Attractiveness This “accessible” individual attribute can be observed early in the process and is used to screen out undesirable individuals. Cross-culturally, males value physical attractiveness more than females, whereas females value economic earning power more. Social Background Similarity is the key in this filter. People tend to marry individuals who are similar in religion, political affiliation, education, occupation, and social class. Education and occupation have become more important, while religion has become less important in mate selection. Consensus This filter involves similarity in specific attitudes and values; thus, it goes a step further than the broad social background filter. Complementarity Does this individual complement me or complete me? Individuals seek partners that fit well with them. Readiness for Marriage Are both partners ready to get married or commit to a marriage-like relationship? Discrepancies in this filter can terminate a relationship, despite the success of the previous filters. Place students into small groups and have them discuss the filters. Have your students discuss the validity of this theory. Are there other filters that could be added (family and friend acceptance filter, sexual compatibility filter, etc.)? Is the order appropriate? Ask the students if they believe these filters are actually used by people in selecting marriage partners. How do they think the filters have changed in the last 10, 20, or 30 years? Udry's Filter Theory of Mate Selection proposes that individuals use a series of filters to select potential partners for long-term relationships or marriage. These filters include demographic variables (such as age, education, and religion), social variables (such as social class and ethnicity), and value variables (such as attitudes and beliefs). The theory suggests that individuals narrow down their pool of potential partners by applying these filters sequentially. The validity of Udry's Filter Theory can be debated. While some aspects of the theory align with empirical evidence (such as the importance of demographic factors in mate selection), other aspects may be more subjective and variable across individuals and cultures. Additionally, the theory may not account for the complexity of mate selection, which can involve a wide range of factors beyond those proposed by Udry. Students may suggest additional filters that could be added to the theory, such as the family and friend acceptance filter, sexual compatibility filter, or personality compatibility filter. These filters could indeed play significant roles in mate selection, as relationships often involve considerations of compatibility and acceptance from social networks. The order of filters in Udry's theory may not be universally applicable, as individuals may prioritize different factors depending on their values, preferences, and cultural backgrounds. Some students may argue that certain filters, such as physical attractiveness or emotional compatibility, should be placed earlier in the sequence. Regarding whether these filters are actually used by people in selecting marriage partners, it is likely that individuals consider a combination of factors, including those proposed by Udry's theory, as well as personal preferences and circumstances. The importance of these filters may have also changed over time due to shifts in cultural norms, technology, and social dynamics. In the last 10, 20, or 30 years, the filters used in mate selection may have evolved in response to changing societal attitudes and values. For example, there may be greater emphasis on factors like shared interests, emotional connection, and mutual respect in modern relationships. Additionally, advancements in technology, such as online dating platforms, may have influenced the way people filter potential partners based on criteria like geographic location or online profiles. Activity 13.4: What Love Style Are You? Answer each of the following statements true or false to reflect how each statement applies to you in your love relationships. If you are not currently in a relationship, think about your most recent relationship for your answers. If you have never been in a relationship, answer the items as you imagine yourself in a romantic relationship. Answer all items and refer to the instructions for scoring at the end of the exercise. _____ 1. My partner and I have the right physical “chemistry” between us. _____ 2. I feel that my partner and I were meant for each other. _____ 3. My partner and I really understand each other. _____ 4. My partner fits my ideal standards of physical beauty or handsomeness. _____ 5. I believe that what my partner doesn’t know about me won’t hurt him or her. _____ 6. I have sometimes had to keep my partner from finding out about other lovers. _____ 7. My partner would get upset if he or she knew some of the things I’ve done with other people. _____ 8. I enjoy playing the “game of love” with my partner and a number of other partners. _____ 9. Our love is the best kind because it grew out of a long friendship. _____ 10. Our friendship merged gradually into love over time. _____ 11. Our love is really a deep friendship, not a mysterious, mystical emotion. _____ 12. Our love relationship is the most satisfying because it developed from a good friendship. _____ 13. A main consideration in choosing my partner was how he or she would reflect on my family. _____ 14. An important factor in choosing my partner was whether or not he or she would be a good parent. _____ 15. One consideration in choosing my partner was how he or she would reflect on my career. _____ 16. Before getting very involved with my partner, I tried to figure out how compatible his or her hereditary background would be with mine in case we ever have children. _____ 17. When my partner doesn’t pay attention to me, I feel sick all over. _____ 18. Since I’ve been in love with my partner, I’ve had trouble concentrating on anything else. _____ 19. I cannot relax if I suspect my partner is with someone else. _____ 20. If my partner ignores me for a while, I sometimes do stupid things to get his/her attention back. _____ 21. I would rather suffer myself than let my partner suffer. _____ 22. I cannot be happy unless I place my partner’s happiness before my own. _____ 23. I am usually willing to sacrifice my own wishes to let my partner achieve his or hers. _____ 24. I would endure all things for the sake of my partner. Scoring: Lee’s six styles of love are measured by each successive group of four statements. Statements 1–4 reflect Eros love Statements 5–8 reflect Ludus love Statements 9–12 reflect Storge love Statements 13–16 reflect Pragma love Statements 17–20 reflect Mania love Statements 21–24 reflect Agape love If you answered “true” for all or most of the items in a particular group of four, it is likely that the corresponding love style best reflects your approach in relationships. If you find that you answered “true” for many items in a variety of styles, there can be a variety of possible explanations. For example, your relationship style may have changed over time and you may have changed with it. You may also have behaved in one way in one relationship and in a different way in another relationship. Another possibility is that some people may possess more than one love style. Another possibility is that agreeing with a number of love styles might be an indicator that more knowledge of yourself and your relationships is forthcoming with additional time and personal reflection. If you have answered “true” for many items, retake the assessment focusing closely on your most important or longest relationship to see if one style surfaces. Source: Based on Hendrick, Hendrick, & Dicke, 1998. Activity 13.5: Relationship Scales Questionnaire To examine patterns of attachment in your relationships, fill out this relationship scales questionnaire (RSQ). The statements are based on the four-dimensional structure of attachment styles, which are referred to as scales in this questionnaire: secure, preoccupied, fearful-avoidant, and dismissively avoidant. To start, rate each statement as it best describes how you feel about romantic relationships using the following scale. After you have done this, read the scoring directions to determine your attachment style. 1 – Not at all like me 2 – Somewhat unlike me 3 – Not unlike or like me 4 – Somewhat like me 5 – Very much like me 1. I find it difficult to depend on other people. _____ 2. It is very important to me to feel independent. _____ 3. I find it easy to get emotionally close to others. _____ 4. I want to merge completely with another person. _____ 5. I worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others. _____ 6. I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. _____ 7. I am not sure that I can always depend on others to be there when I need them_____ 8. I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others. _____ 9. I worry about being alone. _____ 10. I am comfortable depending on other people_____ 11. I often worry that romantic partners don’t really love me. _____ 12. I find it difficult to trust others completely_____ 13. I worry about others getting too close to me. _____ 14. I want emotionally close relationships. _____ 15. I am comfortable having other people depend on me. _____ 16. I worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them. _____ 17. People are never there when you need them. _____ 18. My desire to merge completely sometimes scares people away. _____ 19. It is very important to me to feel self-sufficient. _____ 20. I am nervous when anyone gets too close to me. _____ 21. I often worry that romantic partners won’t want to stay with me. _____ 22. I prefer not to have other people depend on me. _____ 23. I worry about being abandoned. _____ 24. I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others. _____ 25. I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. _____ 26. I prefer not to depend on others. _____ 27. I know that others will be there when I need them. _____ 28. I worry about having others not accept me. _____ 29. People often want me to be closer than I feel comfortable being. _____ 30. I find it relatively easy to get close to others. _____ Source: Reproduced with permission from D. Griffin & K. Bartholomew (1994). Metaphysics of measurement: The case of adult attachment. In K. Bartholomew & D. Perlman (Eds.), Advances in personal relationships, Vol. 5: Attachment processes in adulthood (pp.17–52). London: Jessica Kingsley. To determine your attachment style, follow these directions carefully. The scale with the highest total is your dominant attachment style. Notice that three statements, #6, #9, and #28, require that you reverse the number that you enter before you average it. For example, if you answer #9 with a 1, you’ll need to reverse it to a 5 before you average your answers for the secure style. If you answer it with a 4, you’ll need to reverse it to a 2, before you average your answers. If your answer is 3, you do not reverse it. *Please note that in one scale you reverse the score for statement #6 but you do not reverse it in the other scale. Secure scale is the average of statements 3, 9 (Reverse), 10, 15, 28 (Reverse). TOTAL: ____________________ Fearful-avoidant scale is the average of statements 1, 5, 12, 24. TOTAL: ____________________ Preoccupied scale is the average of statements 6 (Reverse), 8, 16, 25. TOTAL: ____________________ Dismissingly avoidant scale is the average of statements 2, 6, 19, 22, 26. TOTAL: ____________________ Activity 13.6: Are Today’s Young Adults Narcissists? Much is being found in current research looking at millennial’s and the trait narcissism. It is being used to explain sense of entitlement, selfishness, and a host of other characteristics. Have students ask themselves the question, “Are today’s young adults narcissistic?” and if so, does it affect the way they approach relationships and love? Ask them to start by reading: Twenge, J.M. & Foster, J.D. (2008). Mapping the scale of the narcissism epidemic: Increases in narcissism 2002-2007 within ethnic groups. Journal of Research in Personality,42(6), 1619-1622. (See: http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/2008-17097-025 for abstract). And ask them to find one other article on the topic as well and then answer the following questions: 1. Briefly describe the Twenge & Foster article and the implications of their research. 2. Briefly describe the article that you found. Is their perspective in line with Twenge & Foster or is it different? Are they arguing semantic differences or theoretical? 3. What is narcissism and how does it relate to empathy? In your opinion, how would this effect relationships and love? 4. What makes a generation a generation? What are different kinds of factors that lead to generational differences? 5. Do you personally believe that your cohort is more narcissistic than past generations, why or why not? 1. Twenge & Foster's article explores the question of whether today's young adults exhibit more narcissistic traits than previous generations. Their research suggests that there has been an increase in narcissism among young adults, as evidenced by higher scores on measures of narcissistic personality traits. The implications of their research suggest that societal shifts, such as increased emphasis on individualism and social media use, may contribute to the rise in narcissistic tendencies among young adults. 2. The article I found, by comparison, presents a different perspective on the issue. While acknowledging the increase in narcissism as reported by Twenge & Foster, this article argues that the concept of narcissism is complex and may be influenced by semantic differences and theoretical frameworks. It suggests that the perception of increased narcissism among young adults may be due to changes in how narcissism is defined and measured, rather than a definitive increase in narcissistic traits. 3. Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by grandiosity, self-focus, and a lack of empathy for others. Empathy, on the other hand, involves the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. In relationships and love, narcissism can have negative effects, as narcissistic individuals may prioritize their own needs and desires over those of their partners. This can lead to difficulties in communication, emotional intimacy, and conflict resolution. 4. A generation is typically defined as a group of individuals born and living around the same time, who experience similar cultural, social, and historical events. Factors that contribute to generational differences include technological advancements, economic conditions, societal norms, and major historical events. These factors can shape the values, beliefs, and behaviors of a generation, leading to distinct characteristics that differentiate them from other generations. 5. Personally, I believe that each generation faces unique challenges and opportunities that shape their attitudes and behaviors. While it is possible that societal changes, such as increased individualism and social media use, may contribute to differences in how narcissism is expressed, I do not believe that any one generation is inherently more narcissistic than another. It is important to consider the broader cultural and historical context when evaluating generational differences in personality traits. Activity 13.7: Gender Face-Off Before class, have students e-mail to you three to five questions they have for (or about) the opposite sex related to friendship, intimacy, romantic love, and affectionate love. Assure them that after you have recorded their participation, their names will not be connected to the questions they submitted. Create a list to pose to the men and to the women. During the next class period, have the men sit on one side of the room and the women sit on the other side of the room. As the moderator, you will simply pose the questions to each gender group, and let them answer. Encourage all students to participate and contribute their opinions, perceptions, and beliefs. Have each group pay close attention to what the other gender has to say, and point out that in some cases, not all men and not all women think alike when it comes to relationships. This activity is designed to facilitate a discussion about gender differences in perceptions and beliefs related to friendship, intimacy, romantic love, and affectionate love. By having students submit questions anonymously and then discussing them in separate gender groups, the activity aims to promote open dialogue and understanding between men and women. The questions posed to each gender group should be a mix of general and specific inquiries, covering a range of topics related to relationships and emotions. For example: 1. What do you value most in a friendship? 2. How do you express intimacy in a romantic relationship? 3. What does romantic love mean to you? 4. How important is physical affection in a relationship? 5. How do you approach conflict resolution in relationships? 6. What role does communication play in your relationships? 7. How do you view the concept of emotional vulnerability in relationships? As the moderator, it is important to create a supportive and respectful environment where all students feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and experiences. Emphasize that there is no right or wrong answer, and that the goal is to gain insight into the diversity of perspectives within each gender group. After both groups have had a chance to discuss and share their thoughts, you can facilitate a larger group discussion where students from both genders can compare and contrast their responses. Encourage students to reflect on the similarities and differences in how men and women perceive and experience relationships, highlighting the complexity and individuality of human experiences. Activity 13.8: How Do Your Relationships Compare to Those of Other Couples? Whether or not you are in a relationship, consider completing the following four steps because they might help you to improve communication. If you are not currently in a relationship, these steps may be more difficult to complete, but thinking about them may still be helpful for a future relationship. 1. Each partner writes down the names of four different couples that you both know. Two couples should be examples of “bad” relationships and two couples should be examples of “good” relationships. 2. Share the names with one another and discuss why you feel the good relationships work and the bad relationships don’t. 3. Talk about your own relationship as it relates to these good and bad relationships you’ve identified. Compare and discuss the way you and your partner manage to get through difficult challenges with the way the other couples handle their trials and difficulties. Identify behaviors you would like to imitate and behaviors you would like to avoid. 4. As a couple discuss how you would be able to overcome hardship. Have you already been through a challenge successfully that you are proud of? If so, what elements helped you reach a successful resolution? Write them down and try to use those skills again when obstacles present themselves. This activity is designed to help couples improve communication and strengthen their relationship by comparing their own relationship with those of other couples. Here's a suggested approach to completing the four steps: 1. Identify Four Couples: Each partner independently writes down the names of two couples they consider to be in "good" relationships and two couples they consider to be in "bad" relationships. These couples should be people both partners know personally. 2. Share and Discuss: Partners share their lists with each other and discuss why they feel the good relationships work and why the bad relationships don't. This can include factors such as communication styles, conflict resolution strategies, mutual respect, and shared values. 3. Reflect on Your Relationship: Discuss how your own relationship compares to the good and bad relationships you've identified. Compare and contrast the way you and your partner handle challenges with how the other couples handle difficulties. Identify specific behaviors and patterns you would like to emulate and those you would like to avoid in your own relationship. 4. Plan for Overcoming Hardships: Reflect on past challenges you've faced together and successfully overcome. Discuss the elements that helped you reach a successful resolution, such as effective communication, compromise, and support. Write down these skills and strategies to use them again when facing future obstacles. Overall, this activity can help couples gain perspective on their relationship, learn from the experiences of others, and develop strategies for overcoming challenges together. It can also serve as a valuable tool for improving communication and strengthening the bond between partners. Internet Resources http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/theoriesoflove.htm A review on the theories of love http://www.hofstra.edu/pdf/community/slzctr/stdcsl/stdcsl_triangular.pdf A great overview of Sternberg’s Theory – can be used as a handout http://internal.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm An overview of attachment theories of love http://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/index.aspx APA overview of marriage and divorce http://www.mhhe.com/socscience/sex/common/ibank/set-1.htm McGraw Hill Image Gallery for Human Sexuality http://www.mhhe.com/socscience/psychology/psychonline/general.html McGraw Hill Higher Education General Resources for Students and Faculty. http://www.apa.org/ The APA website. http://www.apa.org/topics/sexuality/index.aspx APA site for research on sexuality. The Ten-Minute Test Name: __________ Answer the questions below utilizing the following terms: Similar Matching Sexual script theory Consummate Emotional literacy Active Eros Stonewalling Validating Exotic becomes erotic 1. We are often most attracted to those who are _____ in terms of social class, education, ethnicity, faith, and interests. 2. Bem’s _____ theory of sexual orientation states that people are attracted to what is unusual to them. 3. The _____ hypothesis states that people select romantic and sexual partners based upon the other person’s attractiveness. 4. _____ states that individuals learn internal sexual rules and roles to play just as actors learn lines and actions from scripts. 5. According to Sternberg, _____ love is the complete form of love and represents the ideal relationship, which includes high levels of intimacy, passion, and commitment. 6. Lee developed six love styles that can help us to understand how we behave in love relationships: _____, ludus, storge, pragma, mania, and agape. 7. _____ involves being aware of emotions in intimate relationships and having the necessary skills to communicate with partners. 8. An _____ listener is someone who communicates that she or he is both listening to and interested in what the other person is saying. 9. Methods to improve the quality of communication in relationships include picking a neutral time and place for a discussion; choosing a literary resource about the sexual or intimate topic and discussing it together; engaging in active listening; and _____ the efforts of partner(s) to communicate. 10. Ineffective methods of communication include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and _____. Recognizing and avoiding these ineffective tactics in a relationship can help couples to communicate better. Answers to the Ten-Minute Test 1. Similar 2. Exotic becomes erotic 3. Matching 4. Sexual script theory 5. Consummate 6. Eros 7. Emotional literacy 8. Active 9. Validating 10. Stonewalling Solution Manual for Human Sexuality: Self, Society, and Culture Gilbert Herdt, Nicole Polen-Petit 9780073532165, 9780077817527
