Chapter 12: Sexuality in Adulthood and Later Life Discussion Topics Discussion 12.1: Some Facts about Being Single from the U.S. Census (2010) 96.6 million—the number of unmarried Americans in 2009. This group comprised 43% of all U.S. residents age 15 and older. 16.2 million—those who are unmarried and single age 65 and older. These older Americans comprise 17% of all unmarried and single people. 36%—unmarried and single who are women. 61%—unmarried and single who have never been married. Another 24% are divorced and 15% are widowed. 88—number of unmarried men age 18 and older for every 100 unmarried women in the United States. 52.5 million—number of “unmarried households” (men or women), in the U.S. census; these comprise 45% of all households nationwide. 31.7 million—number of people who live alone. These persons comprise 27% of all households, up from 17% in 1970. 11.7 million—number of single parents living with their children in 2010. Of these, 8.5 million are single mothers with children under the age of 18. 6.8 million—number of unmarried partner households in 2010. These households consist of a householder living with someone of the opposite sex who has been identified as their unmarried partner. It seems like you've provided a list of statistics related to unmarried Americans in 2009 and 2010. If you're looking for a summary or analysis of these statistics, I can help with that. Here's a breakdown of the key points: • In 2009, there were 96.6 million unmarried Americans, accounting for 43% of all U.S. residents aged 15 and older. • Among unmarried and single individuals aged 65 and older, there were 16.2 million, making up 17% of all unmarried and single people. • Women comprised 36% of unmarried and single individuals. • The majority of unmarried and single individuals (61%) had never been married. 24% were divorced, and 15% were widowed. • There were 88 unmarried men aged 18 and older for every 100 unmarried women in the United States. • Unmarried households (men or women) numbered 52.5 million, accounting for 45% of all households nationwide. • 31.7 million people lived alone, representing 27% of all households, up from 17% in 1970. • Single parents living with their children numbered 11.7 million in 2010, with 8.5 million being single mothers with children under 18. • There were 6.8 million unmarried partner households in 2010, consisting of a householder living with someone of the opposite sex identified as their unmarried partner. These statistics highlight the significant presence of unmarried individuals in the United States and the diverse living arrangements and family structures within this group. Discussion 12.2: Who Has More Sex: Singles or Couples? The answer may surprise you and depending on your answer, it may give you an opportunity to reflect upon your attitudes about being single. There appear to be two camps of opinion surrounding whether marriage brings more or less opportunity to have sex, in part because of the demands of raising children. However, a widespread belief says that singles have the most sex and married couples’ sex lives become dull or even dead with time. In fact, on average, married couples continue to have sex more steadily over the years compared to singles, but let’s consider some distinctions. First, men and women who are live-in partners tend to have more sex than men and women who are married (Laumann et al., 2006). Second, married couples over the past generation tend to have significantly more sexual satisfaction and more frequent sex compared to singles that do not live together. Indeed, 47% of the men and 41% of the women in married relationships describe sex with their spouse as “extremely physically pleasurable” (Laumann et al., 1994: 118). Additionally, singles found sex to be more “exciting” on average by comparison with their matched married peers, which might mean that single sex is perceived to be novel, risky, and more pleasurable. Research suggests that having children may influence the experience of having sexual pleasure for couples, whether they are married or not. Discussion 12.3: The Evolving Terminology of Living Together The increasing number of straight couples living together before marriage, about 60% (CDC, 2012), and the challenges posed by same-sex couples that aspire to have marriage rights have led to new terminology and laws in the United States. To avoid any legal wrangling, you might want to research the laws in your state before you move in with someone. Consider these terms and what they mean: Common law marriage—a status that involves two people of the opposite sex living together, typically for at least 1 or 2 years, and regarding each other publicly as spouses even though they are not legally married. People in a common law marriage usually have a claim on each other’s property and incomes, and may be entitled to child care support or alimony if the relationship breaks up; however there are laws that may completely deprive the common law partner to any inheritance even after years and favor the original biological parents or siblings, as for example, in the country of Sweden today. Many common law couples do not know that if they break up, they may have to file for a legal divorce just as if they had been legally married. Domestic partnership—a defined legal and social relationship in some states, and in the private corporate sphere for some companies, that provides some benefits, such as health care, to one’s registered domestic partner. This is a lesser legal status than common law marriage, which may or may not be recognized by local or state law. Civil union—a legally recognized union similar to marriage in some states, though not performed in a church. Denmark was the first country to recognize civil unions in 1989. Same-sex marriage—a legal marriage between two people of the same biological sex; now legal or soon to be legal in eight states in the United States and in ten countries. Registered partnership—Any couple regardless of sexual orientation can officially register their partnership in some states in the United States and other countries. This status has almost all the rights as marriage, including the right to a church wedding in 10 countries. Discussion 12.4: Why Postpone Marriage? The average age of first marriage for people in the United States is now 26.5 years for women and 28.7 years for men, according to the 2010 census (U.S. Census, 2011). People delay marriage for many reasons today. One has to do with key changes in gender roles that have allowed many women to postpone marriage to go to college and pursue careers. Another is waiting to have children due to life goals and career aspirations. Ask students what other issues might lead to postponing marriage. There are several other issues that might lead to postponing marriage: 1. Financial Stability: Many people want to ensure they are financially stable before getting married, as marriage often involves significant financial responsibilities. 2. Focus on Personal Growth: Some individuals prioritize personal growth and self-discovery before committing to a lifelong partnership. 3. Changing Social Norms: Societal norms around marriage have evolved, and some individuals may not feel the same pressure to marry at a young age as previous generations did. 4. Fear of Divorce: With divorce rates being relatively high, some people may choose to delay marriage to ensure they are making the right decision and are better prepared for the challenges of marriage. 5. Desire for Independence: Many people value their independence and may want to establish themselves as individuals before entering a marital union. 6. Complex Family Dynamics: Family dynamics and relationships can play a role in the decision to postpone marriage, as individuals may want to address family issues or ensure their families are supportive of their marriage. 7. Educational Pursuits: Some individuals may prioritize completing their education or pursuing advanced degrees before getting married. These factors, among others, contribute to the trend of delaying marriage in modern society. Discussion 12.5: Gay Marriage as a Civil Right Marriage, as we have seen, has deep cultural, spiritual, and psychological significance for many people. It is a key to healthy sexuality and sexual well-being for those who aspire to wed. People who are denied the right to marry can be affected socially and emotionally in adult and later life development (Herdt & Kertzner, 2006), which may thwart their sexual well-being. Some effects are very negative, some are only a nuisance, and others do harm through stigma (Herek, 2004). The denial of marriage for lesbians and gay men deprives them of many of the civil rights enjoyed by other Americans. Legal discrimination similar to that suffered by African Americans for so many years before they were accorded the same legal protections as White U.S. citizens. Before the Civil War, African Americans were not allowed to vote and they were generally prohibited from legally marrying (Cott, 2002). Additionally, many states passed laws barring miscegenation, marriage between individuals of different races, to prevent Blacks and Whites from intermarrying. Only in1967 did the U.S. Supreme Court strike down this barrier to marriage. Even so, it was years before society, especially in the South, began to accept interracial marriage. Marriage denial is discrimination against what some call “household security”—that is, food, shelter, and health care sufficient to safeguard a family’s well-being (Duggan & Kim, 2005). This lack of security can be traced, in part, to a loss of the support from the biological family of gays and lesbians when they revealed they were gay (Barker et al., 2006). Without this familial support and by being denied the legal rights that spouses have, they may find themselves alone when they most need a loved one and when they are old. For example, many states only permit a spouse or biological family members to make decisions for someone who is hospitalized. For LGBTQ people in the hospital, there may be no one who has the legal authority to make decisions about life-threatening situations. Additionally, the denial of marriage has prevented some gays and lesbians from forming a family and raising children (West, 2007). Many heterosexuals depend on their children to provide physical, financial, and psychological support in old age, or in times of distress such as illness. But without marriage rights, gays and lesbians are reluctant to start families and so are deprived of what, for many people, is a sense of fulfillment. In some cases, after coming out as lesbians, women have lost custody of their children who were born when they were heterosexually married. They have thus been deprived of that bond and social support. Also, critics who accuse gay men of being “promiscuous” do not seem to connect that this accusation fuels the denial of these men’s right to marry and create stable relationships (Wolfson, 2005). Simply stated, legal marriage could provide for fulfillment, support, and sexual well-being for same-sex couples in the same ways that are well established for heterosexual couples (Badgett, 2009; Mays & Cochran, 2001). While some countries around the world recognize this possibility, the United States is not yet one of those nations (Badgett, 2009; Wolfson, 2005). Discussion 12.6: Factors that Allow People to Stay Active as They Age We can take steps during early adulthood to make midlife, the period from about the late 30s to the mid-60s, more enjoyable. The patterns of communication, emotion regulation, expression of our needs, and commitment to a life companion that we develop in early adulthood will help us explore, understand, and enjoy midlife. Certain lifestyle choices that people make as young adults also play a role in health and well-being in later life, as one famous study has shown. The study of adult development began in 1937 at Harvard University with 268 men. These men entered college in the 1930s, experienced World War II, married, divorced, had children, grandchildren, and worked. The study included some distinguished people, such as the late president John F. Kennedy. By comparing these men to their female peers over decades, one researcher has made some important discoveries about factors that contribute to success in life (Valliant, 2002). Interestingly, early childhood personality is not the key factor. Neither is how well you do in college, although that helps. Even your cholesterol level at age 50 has little to do with how you will be in old age. Instead, seven main factors seem to help people love and work successfully into late life: Employing mature psychological adaptations; for example, using humor in adverse times, being altruistic, and suppressing desire in favor of self-care Getting a college education Maintaining a stable marriage or relationships or both; for example, having good sibling relationships are a powerful source of support Not smoking Not abusing alcohol or drugs Exercising; exercising in college tends to predict wellness in later life Maintaining a healthy weight Holistic sexuality plays an important role in creating and maintaining a stable marriage or other type of sexual relationship. Additionally, developing intimate friends—coming to know another’s heart and mind—enables people to cope better with the challenges of later life. For some people, men especially, that person may be their female partner. For others, it may be childhood or college friends, siblings, or colleagues. The study concludes that the ancient Greek philosophers Plato and Aristotle may have had it right when they advocated moderation in all things (Valliant, 2002). Discussion 12.7: Viagra: Do or Die Some experts believe that the pharmaceutical companies have made a mole hill into a mountain. When these companies label age-related arousal problems as ED, we must critically consider what they are trying to sell (Potts et al., 2003). Some research suggests that pharmaceutical companies have engaged in “disease mongering” by promoting the idea of a “disorder” that didn’t exist 20 years ago (Tiefer, 2006). Before Viagra became available, people considered the decline in erectile function a normal part of aging. Was it good or bad to challenge this normal aging function by inventing and then advertising a pharmaceutical to help with sexual arousal? Also, news reports are filled with stories about how younger men, even college-age guys who want to be “super-performers” are taking Viagra and similar “party” drugs—a sign that the college culture is changing in ways that are challenging to accurate use of such medications (Carrington, 2006). Certainly, sexual enhancement drugs have given men greater choice in treating arousal problems, but they may encourage younger men who have no problems with arousal, to pop a pill thinking that it may make them into sexual supermen (Carrington, 2006). Following the release of Viagra, biomedical writers made erectile dysfunction into more of a condition than it is and included alarming statistics to suggest that this new disorder affected at least a third of the men over 40. At the time Viagra went on the market, sexual dysfunction, or difficulty at any stage of sexual activity that prevents enjoyment, was considered more common in men than in women (Laumann et al., 2006). This is changing today, as one can see from many advertisements in the media geared toward women’s arousal issues and medications for them. The science and effectiveness of those drugs is less certain than for men (Tiefer, 2006), but there is no question that a sea change is occurring in the use of medicine to enhance many people’s sexual performance in later life. The question raises complex ethical and societal considerations regarding the invention and promotion of pharmaceuticals for age-related sexual issues, specifically focusing on Viagra and similar drugs. Here are some key points to consider: 1. Challenging Normal Aging Function: Inventing and advertising pharmaceuticals like Viagra to address age-related erectile dysfunction can be seen as challenging the idea that such decline is a normal part of aging. This can be viewed positively as it offers solutions to a common issue that can improve quality of life for many individuals. 2. Disease Mongering: Critics argue that pharmaceutical companies engage in "disease mongering" by promoting the idea of a disorder (erectile dysfunction) that didn't exist or wasn't considered a disorder before. This can lead to overmedicalization and unnecessary use of medication. 3. Impact on Younger Men: The availability and promotion of sexual enhancement drugs may influence younger men, including college-age individuals, to use these drugs recreationally to enhance their sexual performance, even if they don't have arousal problems. This raises concerns about misuse and potential health risks. 4. Changing Attitudes and Culture: The use of sexual enhancement drugs reflects changing attitudes and cultural norms regarding sexual performance and aging. It highlights the increasing focus on maintaining sexual function and pleasure throughout life. 5. Gender Differences: The focus on erectile dysfunction in men and the development of pharmaceuticals to treat it contrast with the less certain science and effectiveness of drugs aimed at women's arousal issues. This highlights gender disparities in the development and marketing of sexual enhancement drugs. In conclusion, while drugs like Viagra offer benefits in treating age-related sexual issues, their promotion and use raise important ethical and societal questions regarding medicalization, cultural attitudes toward aging and sexuality, and gender disparities in healthcare. Polling Questions Polling 12.1: Cohabitation The increasing number of straight couples living together before marriage, about 60% (CDC, 2012), we do know that half of all cohabitations in the United States ended within a year through a break up, and about 40% ended in a formal marriage (Laumann et al., 1994). That was from a national sample from the early 1990s, but another, more recent study found that cohabitation is associated with less interpersonal commitment and satisfaction between partners (Stanley et al., 2004). Experts are not sure just why. Some studies suggest that cohabiting may contribute to a sense of dissatisfaction or unhappiness later in marriage (Dush et al., 2003). The reason for that may be that some individuals who move in prior to marriage may not have been the best candidates for happy marriages down the road (Schwartz, 2008; Smock, 2000). How many of you have lived with a romantic partner before? How many of you would live with a romantic partner? How many of you think it is important to live with a partner before marriage? The answer to the polling questions would vary depending on the responses of the individuals being polled. However, I can provide a general framework for answering these questions based on the context provided: 1. How many of you have lived with a romantic partner before?: This question seeks to gather information about the audience's past experiences with cohabitation. Responses could vary from "Yes, I have lived with a romantic partner before" to "No, I have not lived with a romantic partner before." 2. How many of you would live with a romantic partner?: This question aims to gauge the audience's willingness to consider cohabitation in the future. Responses could range from "Yes, I would consider living with a romantic partner" to "No, I would not consider living with a romantic partner." 3. How many of you think it is important to live with a partner before marriage?: This question explores the audience's beliefs and attitudes toward cohabitation as a precursor to marriage. Responses might include "Yes, I think it is important to live with a partner before marriage" or "No, I do not think it is important to live with a partner before marriage." These questions can provide valuable insights into the prevalence of cohabitation among the audience, their attitudes toward it, and their beliefs about its impact on relationships and marriage. Polling 12.2: Why Postpone Marriage? The average age of first marriage for people in the United States is now 26.5 years for women and 28.7 years for men, according to the 2010 census (U.S. Census, 2011). People delay marriage for many reasons today. One has to do with key changes in gender roles that have allowed many women to postpone marriage to go to college and pursue careers. Another is waiting to have children due to life goals and career aspirations. Ask students how many of them plan on being married before they are 25? 30? 35? How many plan on never getting married? 1. How many of you plan on being married before they are 25?: This question seeks to gather information about the audience's intentions regarding early marriage. Responses could range from "Yes, I plan on being married before I am 25" to "No, I do not plan on being married before I am 25." 2. How many of you plan on being married before they are 30?: This question explores the audience's intentions regarding marriage in their late twenties. Responses might include "Yes, I plan on being married before I am 30" or "No, I do not plan on being married before I am 30." 3. How many of you plan on being married before they are 35?: This question looks at the audience's intentions regarding marriage in their early thirties. Responses could include "Yes, I plan on being married before I am 35" or "No, I do not plan on being married before I am 35." 4. How many of you plan on never getting married?: This question examines the audience's attitudes toward lifelong singlehood. Responses might range from "Yes, I plan on never getting married" to "No, I do not plan on never getting married." These questions can provide insights into the audience's attitudes toward marriage and their intentions regarding the timing of marriage in relation to their life goals and aspirations. Polling 12.3: Gay Marriage as a Civil Right Marriage, as we have seen, has deep cultural, spiritual, and psychological significance for many people. It is a key to healthy sexuality and sexual well-being for those who aspire to wed. People who are denied the right to marry can be affected socially and emotionally in adult and later life development (Herdt & Kertzner, 2006), which may thwart their sexual well-being. Some effects are very negative, some are only a nuisance, and others do harm through stigma (Herek, 2004). How many of you think anyone who wants to should be able to marry? How many of you think that the majority of people support marriage equality? How many of you know someone that does NOT support marriage equality? 1. How many of you think anyone who wants to should be able to marry?: This question seeks to gauge the audience's attitudes toward marriage equality. Responses could include "Yes, I think anyone who wants to should be able to marry" or "No, I do not think anyone who wants to should be able to marry." 2. How many of you think that the majority of people support marriage equality?: This question explores the audience's perception of public opinion on marriage equality. Responses might range from "Yes, I think the majority of people support marriage equality" to "No, I do not think the majority of people support marriage equality." 3. How many of you know someone that does NOT support marriage equality?: This question aims to determine the audience's personal connections to individuals who do not support marriage equality. Responses could include "Yes, I know someone who does not support marriage equality" or "No, I do not know anyone who does not support marriage equality." These questions can provide insights into the audience's attitudes toward marriage equality, their perceptions of public opinion, and their personal experiences with individuals who do not support marriage equality. Polling 12.4: Viagra: Do or Die Before Viagra became available, people considered the decline in erectile function a normal part of aging. Was it good or bad to challenge this normal aging function by inventing and then advertising a pharmaceutical to help with sexual arousal? News reports are filled with stories about how younger men, even college-age guys who want to be “super-performers” are taking Viagra and similar “party” drugs—a sign that the college culture is changing in ways that are challenging to accurate use of such medications (Carrington, 2006). How many of you know someone that has used Viagra as a “party” drug? How many of you have used it in this manner? If you found out that your boyfriend was using this would you be upset? The answer to the polling questions would depend on the responses of the individuals being polled. However, I can provide a general framework for answering these questions based on the context provided: 1. Was it good or bad to challenge this normal aging function by inventing and then advertising a pharmaceutical to help with sexual arousal?: This question addresses the ethical considerations surrounding the development and promotion of pharmaceuticals like Viagra. Responses could include "Yes, it was good to challenge this normal aging function as it improves quality of life for many individuals" or "No, it was bad as it medicalizes a natural part of aging." 2. How many of you know someone that has used Viagra as a “party” drug?: This question aims to determine the audience's familiarity with the recreational use of Viagra. Responses could include "Yes, I know someone who has used Viagra as a 'party' drug" or "No, I do not know anyone who has used Viagra in this manner." 3. How many of you have used it in this manner?: This question directly asks the audience about their own experiences with using Viagra as a "party" drug. Responses might include "Yes, I have used Viagra as a 'party' drug" or "No, I have not used Viagra in this manner." 4. If you found out that your boyfriend was using this would you be upset?: This question explores the audience's attitudes toward the recreational use of Viagra within a relationship. Responses could range from "Yes, I would be upset" to "No, I would not be upset." These questions can provide insights into the audience's attitudes toward the use of Viagra, both medically and recreationally, as well as their personal experiences and beliefs about its impact on sexual health and relationships. Activities Activity 12.1: Cohabitation before Marriage Does living together make it easier or harder to get married later on? For several decades researchers have studied this question, but the research remains inconclusive and suggestive but controversial (Dush et al., 2003; Regnerus & Uecker, 2011). Evidence does suggest that cohabitation may be either bad or good for relationships, but the outcome is so dependent upon the quality of the couple’s relationship while living together. The reasons appear to be that each couple’s situation is unique because their personalities are different, and they may have different aspirations for having a long-term relationship. We do know that half of all cohabitations in the United States ended within a year through a break up, and about 40% ended in a formal marriage (Laumann et al., 1994). That was from a national sample from the early 1990s, but another, more recent study found that cohabitation is associated with less interpersonal commitment and satisfaction between partners (Stanley et al., 2004). Experts are not sure just why. Some studies suggest that cohabiting may contribute to a sense of dissatisfaction or unhappiness later in marriage (Dush et al., 2003). The reason for that may be that some individuals who move in prior to marriage may not have been the best candidates for happy marriages down the road (Schwartz, 2008; Smock, 2000). Gender also appears to be a factor in the likelihood of marriage after cohabitation. Studies have found that for males, cohabitation is associated with being less religious and less committed, factors that link to lower levels of well-being and more negative interactions (Stanley et al., 1994). Another study found that males cohabited with female partners more frequently to “test” the relationship, and later some of them changed their attitudes toward their mates. This attitude change was associated with some negative outcomes, such as poor communication with partners, less confidence, and less dedication to making the relationship work (Rhoades et al., 2009). The implication of cohabitation studies, then, seems to be that people who cohabitate may not be quite as committed to working out relationship challenges. Still, the results are inconclusive because every relationship is unique, and the controversy lingers. Does living together first make it harder to get married later on? Yes: Plenty of studies give some support to the idea that cohabitation does not necessarily lend itself to a happier marriage later on. Some social, familial, and religious groups continue to be opposed to living together before marriage and this may make it harder for the couple. Societal attitudes appear to influence how people feel about cohabitation, and some women still feel that it’s shameful to live together before marriage (Laumann et al., 2004). No: There are some studies that suggest cohabiting before marriage contributes to a better relationship down the line, if the couple like each other and are happy. Every couple is different and just because cohabitation doesn’t “work” for everyone doesn’t mean that it is a bad idea before marriage. Research suggests that young men, who previously may have been less inclined to marry a woman if they cohabitated first, are different today and are more committed to this outcome (Mastekaasa, 2006). Because every couple’s situation is unique, it is nearly impossible to determine how cohabitation contributes to the success or failure of a long-term relationship in the abstract. After reading the text, have students answer the following questions in 1-2 paragraphs each. What Is Your Perspective? 1. What do you think about the gender difference that suggests men may be reluctant to marry if they cohabit first? The gender difference suggesting that men may be reluctant to marry if they cohabit first is a complex issue with varying perspectives. Some studies indicate that for males, cohabitation is associated with being less religious and less committed, which can lead to lower levels of well-being and more negative interactions. Additionally, some men may view cohabitation as a way to "test" the relationship, and this attitude change can be associated with negative outcomes such as poor communication, less confidence, and less dedication to making the relationship work. On the other hand, there are studies suggesting that cohabitation before marriage can contribute to a better relationship down the line, especially if the couple is happy and likes each other. It's important to consider that every couple is different, and what works for one may not work for another. Additionally, societal attitudes and norms around cohabitation can influence individuals' feelings about it, with some women still feeling that it's shameful to live together before marriage. Overall, the issue of cohabitation and its impact on marriage is complex and multifaceted. While some studies suggest potential drawbacks, such as lower commitment levels and negative outcomes for men, other research indicates potential benefits, especially when the couple is happy and committed. 2. What do you think about the societal perception that a “good girl” should not cohabit before marriage? Does this perception affect your thinking about the possibility of cohabiting before marriage? The societal perception that a "good girl" should not cohabit before marriage reflects traditional views on relationships and gender roles. This perception is influenced by cultural, religious, and social norms that have historically placed value on abstinence before marriage and the preservation of virginity. It suggests that women who cohabit before marriage may be viewed negatively or judged by others. This perception can affect individuals' thinking about the possibility of cohabiting before marriage, especially for women. Some may feel pressure to conform to societal expectations and avoid cohabitation to maintain their reputation or avoid criticism. Others may reject this perception and believe that cohabitation can be a positive step in a relationship, allowing partners to better understand each other before marriage. Ultimately, the decision to cohabit before marriage is a personal one and should be based on the individual's values, beliefs, and relationship dynamics, rather than societal expectations. 3. What could you do to determine if cohabitation is the right arrangement for you and your partner? To determine if cohabitation is the right arrangement for you and your partner, consider the following steps: 1. Communication: Have open and honest conversations with your partner about your expectations, values, and goals regarding the relationship, marriage, and cohabitation. Discuss your reasons for wanting to cohabit and what you hope to achieve from it. 2. Relationship Assessment: Reflect on the current state of your relationship. Evaluate the level of commitment, communication, and compatibility you have with your partner. Consider seeking the guidance of a relationship counselor or therapist to assess the strengths and areas for improvement in your relationship. 3. Trial Period: Consider a trial period of living together before making a long-term commitment. This can help you both experience daily life together, understand each other's habits and routines, and assess compatibility in a shared living space. 4. Financial Planning: Discuss financial matters openly, including how expenses will be shared, budgeting, and long-term financial goals. Create a plan for managing finances together and ensure both partners are comfortable with the arrangement. 5. Legal Considerations: Understand the legal implications of cohabitation in your state or country. Consider consulting with a legal professional to discuss issues such as property ownership, rights, and responsibilities. 6. Family and Social Support: Consider the opinions and support of your family and close friends. While their opinions should not dictate your decision, their perspectives can provide valuable insights and support. 7. Personal Reflection: Reflect on your own feelings and motivations for wanting to cohabit. Consider how cohabitation aligns with your personal values, beliefs, and long-term goals. 8. Seeking Advice: Seek advice from trusted individuals, such as mentors, religious leaders, or counselors, who can provide guidance and perspective on your decision. Ultimately, the decision to cohabit should be based on a thorough assessment of your relationship, values, and goals, as well as open communication and mutual understanding with your partner. Activity 12.2: Is Cohabitation Right for Me? People who are considering cohabitation might want to take into account three key issues: 1. Short- and long-term commitment. Cohabitation is rarely a permanent relationship status. Relationships will usually progress to the commitment of marriage or dissolve. The majority of cohabitation arrangements end after 6 months in early adulthood (Dush et al., 2003; Laumann et al., 1994; Regnerus & Uecker, 2011). Reflecting on the length of the commitment may help you make a decision about whether living together is right for you. 2. Fidelity in the relationship. Research shows that couples that cohabit have slightly higher risks of relationship infidelity (Regnerus & Uecker, 2011). Because infidelity is a common reason that couples break up, discussing faithfulness and being clear about your definitions of commitment before you move in together can be helpful. 3. Cohabitation leading to marriage later. Even though a couple may not be thinking about marriage as a possibility at the outset, it can come up in the future. Communication can really help you to develop your ideas on the short- and long-term commitment issue. People considering cohabitation and couples negotiating new relationships may want to discuss the following questions (Bisson & Levine, 2009). Communicating as a couple about these questions can help people achieve sexual well-being because they can better understand their own and their partner’s needs, emotions, and sexual behaviors. Also, a couple’s responses to these questions may provide important clues about the stability of the relationship and the potential for a shared future. 1. Is your relationship primarily for sex? If so, is it necessary to live together? 2. Is your relationship primarily motivated by love and wanting to be with the other person exclusively? 3. What will change in your relationship dynamics if you and your partner live together? 4. Is the decision to live together primarily about economics? If so, is living together really going to make a financial difference? 5. Will each individual take responsibility for his or her own share of the household expenses and chores, and the emotional work of living together? 6. Are you and your partner as individuals committed to being with the person only under certain conditions, such as each one pays a share of the rent, or each one can have a personal space within the relationship? The key to making an informed decision about cohabitation is to understand how your own sexual individuality fits the whole situation with a prospective life partner, including your own values, options about cohabitation, and what the research reveals about trends before making a decision to cohabit. 1. Is your relationship primarily for sex? If so, is it necessary to live together? • If the relationship is primarily for sex, living together may not be necessary unless both partners feel it would enhance their intimacy or convenience. 2. Is your relationship primarily motivated by love and wanting to be with the other person exclusively? • If the relationship is primarily motivated by love and a desire for exclusivity, living together may be a natural progression to deepen the bond. 3. What will change in your relationship dynamics if you and your partner live together? • Living together can change relationship dynamics by increasing the amount of time spent together, sharing living space, and navigating shared responsibilities. It can also provide insights into long-term compatibility. 4. Is the decision to live together primarily about economics? If so, is living together really going to make a financial difference? • If economics are a primary factor, it's important to consider if living together will indeed make a significant financial difference and if the benefits outweigh any potential challenges. 5. Will each individual take responsibility for his or her own share of the household expenses and chores, and the emotional work of living together? • It's crucial for both partners to be willing to take responsibility for their share of household expenses, chores, and emotional labor to ensure a fair and balanced living arrangement. 6. Are you and your partner as individuals committed to being with the person only under certain conditions, such as each one pays a share of the rent, or each one can have a personal space within the relationship? • Both partners should be clear about their expectations and commitments within the relationship, including any conditions they may have for living together. Open communication is key to ensuring that both partners are on the same page. Activity 12.3: Guest Lecture Ideas on Sexuality Invite a historian and/or anthropologist to give a guest lecture on the diversity of sexuality in young adults across time or cultures. Students can then compare and contrast current attitudes in America with diverse perspectives. At the beginning of emerging adulthood (age 18), surveys indicate that slightly more than 60 percent of individuals have experienced sexual intercourse, but by the end of emerging adulthood (age 25), most individuals have had sexual intercourse (Lefkowitz & Gillen, 2006). Also, the average age of marriage in the United States is currently 28 for males and 26 for females (Copen & others, 2012). Thus, emerging adulthood is a time frame during which most individuals are both sexually active and unmarried (Lefkowitz & Gillen, 2006). A recent national study of sexual behavior in the United States among adults 25 to 44 years of age found that 98 percent of the women and 97 percent of the men said that they had ever engaged in vaginal intercourse (Chandra & others, 2011). Also in this study, 89 percent of the women and 90 percent of the men reported that they had ever had oral sex with an opposite sex partner, and 36 percent of the women and 44 percent of the men stated that they had ever had anal sex with an opposite-partner. For the guest lecture on the diversity of sexuality in young adults across time or cultures, the historian and/or anthropologist could cover various topics, including: 1. Historical Perspectives: Discuss how attitudes towards sexuality have evolved over time, highlighting differences and similarities between past and present views on sexuality. 2. Cultural Variations: Explore how different cultures view and approach sexuality, including attitudes towards premarital sex, contraception, and sexual orientation. 3. Gender Roles: Examine how gender roles have influenced sexuality in different societies, and how these roles have changed or remained the same over time. 4. Religious Influence: Discuss the impact of religion on sexual beliefs and practices, and how religious teachings have shaped attitudes towards sexuality in various cultures. 5. Social Norms and Taboos: Explore how social norms and taboos have influenced sexual behavior, and how these norms vary across cultures and historical periods. 6. Sexual Practices: Compare and contrast sexual practices across different cultures and time periods, including rituals, customs, and traditions related to sexuality. 7. LGBTQ+ History: Highlight the history of LGBTQ+ communities and the challenges they have faced in different societies and time periods. By examining these topics, students can gain a better understanding of the diversity of sexuality and how it is influenced by cultural, historical, and social factors. They can also reflect on how these insights compare to current attitudes towards sexuality in America. Activity 12.4: Pluralistic Ignorance and Hooking Up Read Lambert, T.A., Kahn, A.S. & Apple, K.J. (2003). Pluralistic Ignorance and Hooking Up. The Journal of Sex Research, 40(2) 129-133. (See: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12908120 for abstract. Can be found through your university library) and using both the article and your text, answer the following questions. Each answer should be a paragraph in length—keep in mind 2 sentences does not a paragraph make! Rather you are aiming for about a ½ page for each answer. In total this should be about 2-3 pages of writing in length. 1. In general do you think that college students today are more interested in “hooking up” then dating, why or why not? 2. What is hooking up? 3. Describe the research methodology performed in this article. 4. Describe the results of the research in this article. 5. Based on these results, what could a college administrator do to reduce “hooking up” behaviors in incoming freshman? 6. What types of future research could be proposed to further this research? 1. In general, do you think that college students today are more interested in “hooking up” than dating, why or why not? • Responses may vary, but some students might believe that there is a greater interest in hooking up due to changing social norms, increased media exposure, and the perceived convenience of casual relationships compared to traditional dating. 2. What is hooking up? • Hooking up typically refers to a casual sexual encounter without the expectation of a committed relationship. The term can encompass a range of behaviors from kissing to sexual intercourse, depending on the context. 3. Describe the research methodology performed in this article. • The research methodology likely involved surveys or interviews with college students to gather data on their attitudes and behaviors related to hooking up and dating. The researchers may have also used observational methods to supplement their findings. 4. Describe the results of the research in this article. • The results may indicate that a significant portion of college students engage in hooking up behavior and that this behavior is influenced by factors such as peer pressure, alcohol use, and social norms. The research may also reveal differences in attitudes towards hooking up among different groups of students. 5. Based on these results, what could a college administrator do to reduce “hooking up” behaviors in incoming freshman? • College administrators could implement educational programs that promote healthy relationships and communication skills, provide access to resources for students seeking more meaningful connections, and create a supportive campus environment that encourages respectful behavior. 6. What types of future research could be proposed to further this research? • Future research could explore the long-term effects of hooking up on individuals' emotional well-being and relationships, investigate cultural and societal factors that influence attitudes towards hooking up, and examine strategies for promoting healthy sexual behaviors among college students. Activity 12.5: Mate Selection One of the primary tasks facing young adults is to form intimate relationships. You can begin this activity by discussing filter theories of mate selection (Udry, 1971). Filter theories suggest that we use a series of filters to select an appropriate mate. The number of filters varies depending on the theorist. Students are usually fascinated by Udry’s filter theory of mate selection. Given that most young adults in the United States do not participate in arranged marriages, most of your students will engage in the process of trying to find a partner to enter into a marriage or a marriage-like relationship. Udry’s (1971) theory is based on the notion that potential partners must pass through a series of “filters” in the process of mate selection. These filters screen out unacceptable partners at various stages of the intimate relationship. The filters are presented below: Propinquity: All possible dating partners are first screened by geographical location. Attractiveness: This “accessible” individual attribute can be observed early in the process and is used to screen out undesirable individuals. Cross-culturally, males value physical attractiveness more than females, whereas females value economic earning power more. Social Background: Similarity is the key in this filter. People tend to marry individuals who are similar in religion, political affiliation, education, occupation, and social class. Education and occupation have become more important, while religion has become less important in mate selection. Consensus: This filter involves similarity in specific attitudes and values; thus, it goes a step further than the broad social background filter. Complementarity: Does this individual complement me or complete me? Individuals seek partners that fit well with them. Readiness for Marriage: Are both partners ready to get married or commit to a marriage-like relationship? Discrepancies in this filter can terminate a relationship, despite the success of the previous filters. Psychologists have determined that men and women differ on the importance of good looks when they seek an intimate partner. Women tend to rate as most important such traits as considerateness, honesty, dependability, kindness, understanding, and earning prospects; men prefer good looks, cooking skills, and frugality (Buss & Barnes, 1986; Eastwick & Finkel, 2008). Describe some of these filters, and then ask students to get into groups and discuss the filters. Have your students discuss the validity of this theory. Are there other filters that could be added (family and friend acceptance filter, sexual compatibility filter, etc.)? Is the order appropriate? Ask the students if they believe these filters are actually used by people in selecting marriage partners. How do they think the filters have changed in the last 10, 20, or 30 years? Some of the filters mentioned in the activity include: 1. Good looks: This is often seen as important for men when seeking a partner. 2. Considerateness: This trait is rated highly by women, indicating a preference for a partner who is thoughtful and empathetic. 3. Honesty: Both men and women value honesty in a partner, as it is essential for trust in a relationship. 4. Dependability: This trait is also valued by both men and women, as it indicates reliability and stability. 5. Kindness: Similar to considerateness, kindness is important for building a caring and compassionate relationship. 6. Understanding: This trait is important for effective communication and emotional connection in a relationship. 7. Earning prospects: This is often valued by women, as it may indicate financial stability and the ability to provide for a family. 8. Cooking skills: This trait is often valued by men, although it may not be as important as other factors. Students can discuss the validity of these filters and consider whether they believe these filters are actually used by people in selecting marriage partners. They can also explore whether these filters have changed in the last 10, 20, or 30 years. Additional filters that could be added include: • Family and friend acceptance: The approval of family and friends can be important for some individuals when selecting a partner. • Sexual compatibility: This is important for many individuals, although it may not be as openly discussed as other factors. • Shared values and interests: This can contribute to a strong connection and compatibility in a relationship. Students can discuss whether these additional filters should be included and whether the order of the filters is appropriate. They can also consider how these filters may have changed over time, particularly with the influence of changing societal norms and values. Activity 12.6: Video: Sister Wives Throughout the world, two forms of marriage exist: monogamous marriage, in which one man and one woman are legally married, usually having moral and religious meanings, and polygamous marriage, in which a man has more than one wife. In 84% of 185 societies, men were found to have multiple wives. In the United States in the 19th century, polygamy was the norm for a few religious faiths, including the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons). Polygamy has long been illegal in the United States, although some people still practice it in secret. There are several recent shows looking at polygamy in Mormons. The HBO series Sister Wives can be shown or the reality show with the same title. The question seems to be asking for an analysis of the prevalence and history of polygamous marriage, particularly in the context of the United States and its portrayal in media like the HBO series "Sister Wives." Here's a sample answer: Polygamous marriage, where a man has multiple wives, has been a practice in many societies around the world, with 84% of 185 societies studied showing evidence of it. In the United States, polygamy was practiced by some religious faiths in the 19th century, notably the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons). However, polygamy has been illegal in the United States for a long time, though some individuals may still practice it clandestinely. Media representations of polygamous marriage, such as the HBO series "Sister Wives," provide a glimpse into the lives of those who choose to live in such arrangements, often highlighting the complexities and challenges they face. These shows can spark discussions about the cultural, legal, and ethical aspects of polygamy, prompting viewers to consider differing perspectives on marriage and relationships. Overall, the portrayal of polygamous marriage in media reflects the ongoing interest in exploring diverse forms of relationships and the complexities of human sexuality and marriage in different cultural contexts. Internet Resources http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2012/02/03/older-people-getting-busy-and-getting-stds/ An article on STIs and older people http://www.nia.nih.gov/newsroom/2007/08/study-sheds-new-light-intimate-lives-older-americans NIH article looking at sex in older folks http://www.nia.nih.gov/health/publication/can-we-prevent-aging The role of testosterone in aging http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/12/later-life-sex.aspx APA and Later-life Sex http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/ National Center for Health Statistics http://www.mhhe.com/socscience/sex/common/ibank/set-1.htm McGraw Hill Image Gallery for Human Sexuality http://www.mhhe.com/socscience/psychology/psychonline/general.html McGraw Hill Higher Education General Resources for Students and Faculty. http://www.apa.org/ The APA website. http://www.apa.org/topics/sexuality/index.aspx APA site for research on sexuality. The Ten-Minute Test Name: __________ Answer the questions below utilizing the following terms: Polyamory Stigmatized Female sexual desire disorder (FSDD) Monogamous Erectile Dysfunction Cohabitation Polygamous Sexual Fulfillment Love Declined 1. Living together is called _____. 2. Some therapists see _____ and surrender as the major issues of how marriage succeeds or fails. 3. _____ is a relatively new kind of intimate relationship based upon having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time, with the consent and full knowledge of everyone involved. 4. In a _____ marriage, one man and one woman are legally married, usually having moral and religious meanings. 5. In a _____ marriage, a man has more than one wife. 6. Choosing to be married without children is increasingly common in our society but remains _____ among traditional communities. 7. Divorce has actually _____ in frequency in the United States, although it has left its mark on many families and perhaps contributed to the cohabitation trend. 8. _____ can occur throughout adulthood for women and seems more common than it used to be, but it remains a controversial diagnosis. 9. Male arousal problems can occur at any age during adulthood and center upon the decline in erection hardness or_____. 10. Being widowed or retiring to an assisted-living facility may bring real challenges to sexual expression, as taboos may prevent the expression of sexual desire among elders, and the achievement of_____. Answers to the Ten-Minute Test 1. Cohabitation 2. Love 3. Polyamory 4. Monogamous 5. Polygamous 6. Stigmatized 7. Declined 8. Female sexual desire disorder (FSDD) 9. Erectile Dysfunction 10. Sexual fulfillment Solution Manual for Human Sexuality: Self, Society, and Culture Gilbert Herdt, Nicole Polen-Petit 9780073532165, 9780077817527
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