CH-1 The Building Blocks of Relationships – Intimate Relationships : Chapter Notes

This document contains Chapters 1 to 7 CHAPTER 1 THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF RELATIONSHIPS Learning Objectives At the conclusion of Chapter 1, students should be able to: 1. Describe the nature of intimate relationships and identify the seven ways in which they differ from relationships that are more casual. 2. Discuss the need to belong including: What is it? What evidence supports its evolution? Can we explain our need for intimacy in a similar fashion? 3. Specify the ways relationships changed between the 1960s and today and identify the cultural forces that contributed to those changes. 4. Identify different attachment styles and describe how childhood experiences contribute to them and how malleable they are as we grow older. 5. Describe Bartholomew’s four-style model of attachment, indicating how it differs from earlier three-style models. 6. Discuss the differences between seeing attachment in terms of categories and in terms of dimensions and indicate the view which is preferred. 7. Discriminate between sex differences and gender differences and reflect on the average size of these differences. 8. Define androgyny and know its relationship to masculinity/femininity or expressiveness/instrumentality. 9. Articulate how the Big Five personality attributes and concepts of self (including the self-enhancement and self-consistency motives) link to our relationships. 10. Understand why sexual orientation is not a major theme in the text. 11. Spell out three assumptions evolutionary psychologists have as part of their perspective on relationships and apply this perspective to the concept of self-esteem. 12. Comment on whether relationships are the sum of their parts or unique processes and properties that result from interactions that comprise two people. 13. Appreciate the risks we face in relationships and why we take them. Class Activities/Discussion Ideas Beliefs, Values, and Personal Experiences The authors mention that beliefs, values, and personal experiences can come to bear on the information presented in this course. A frank discussion about beliefs and values of the class early in the semester may help students identify why they react in particular ways to research findings. Ask students to discuss in small groups their beliefs about marriage, cohabitation, sex, sexual-orientation, and friendships. As a class, discuss points of disagreement and how you could, as a class, be both respectful of those differences and open minded about new ideas and research findings. Intimate Relationships Without… Knowledge, interdependence, caring, trust, responsiveness, mutuality, and commitment are seven ways that intimate relationships are different from casual relationships. As described on page 3, none of these aspects are absolutely required. Stale, unhappy marriages may have knowledge, interdependence, and commitment. To dig further into this idea, as a class, discuss what relationships may be like without some of these aspects. How might those relationships play out? At what point are the relationships no longer intimate relationships? Intimate Relationships Now and Then Humans are social animals with needs of belongingness and cultural connections. The textbook describes changes in marriage, cohabitation, parenthood, divorce, work, and more since the 1960s. As a classroom activity, debate the following statement: “Intimate relationships were easier for your grandparents than they are for you.” Ask the students to brainstorm about this statement with regard to cultural standards, expectations, choices, and such specifics as education, technology, cell phones, contraception, women's movement, politics, STDs, computers, and more. Divide the class into two parts and have each side argue for their side. Switch the sides halfway through. Or have students debate this issue in small groups. Long Range Look Although comparisons between the 1960s and today are interesting, taking a longer range look at the history of the family can provide an even better sense of the history of intimate relationships. Fitch and Ruggles (2000) noted that in 1850, the median age of marriage of native-born White men in the U.S. was 25.3 and 21.3 for women in the same category. By 1890, the median age of marriage for men was 26 and 22 for women. Similar trends were found for Blacks, but with Black Americans marrying, on average, 2 years younger. They noted that “after World War II there was an unprecedented marriage boom” (p. 65) for White Americans. Black Americans showed no such boom. Blacks in the 1970’s were getting married later than Whites (a reversal of the previous trend of earlier marriage), with a median age of 27.3 for women and 28.6 for men. As McLanahan and Casper (1996) pointed out, using the 1950s or 1960s as our benchmark makes our current ages of marriage seem quite different from what has been seen in history. However, if one looks at the age of marriage in the 1900s in comparison to today the change is small. Fitch, C.A. & Ruggles, S. (2000). Historical trends in marriage formation: The United States 1950–1990. In L.J. Waite (Ed.) The ties that bind: Perspectives on marriage and cohabitation (pp. 59–90). New York: Aldine De Gruyter. McLanahan, S. & Casper, L. (1998). Growing diversity and inequality in the American family. In A.J. Cherlin (Ed.) Public and private families: A reader (pp. 5–17). New York: McGraw Hill. U.S. Census Statistics The U.S. Census Bureau can provide some interesting statistics on marriage and divorce. Their main site can be found at: http://www.census.gov/2010census/. You can look up information on particular regions of the country (e.g., your state) and also compare the information to the 2000 census and see how things are changing. The National Center for Health Statistics may also be helpful. Marriage and divorce statistics can be found at: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm. Attachment Style Have students assess their own attachment style by choosing which paragraph on Table 1.1 best describes them or by administering an attachment style questionnaire. Have each student think for a few minutes about how temperament, parenting style, gender, stereotypes, and personality influenced the shaping of their relationships. Then have students discuss their views in small groups. Attachment theory appears in many of the later chapters, so this activity can be repeated throughout the semester as attachment theory is connected to various aspects of intimate relationships. Attachment Resources For access to additional resources on attachment visit the Adult Attachment Lab at: http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/labs/shaver/PWT/index.cfm. The lab website provides links to publications, descriptions of recent projects, and links to the pages of other researchers or labs focusing on attachment. Trust at Different Ages People generally view trust as the most important aspect in a relationship. Define trust, but define it as if you are speaking to three different ages (separately): a child, an adolescent, and a potential partner. Role-play these definitions in a small group format in class. Demographics To extend the textbook discussion of changes in marriage, divorce rates, cohabitation, etc., ask students to form small groups and make predictions about future changes that may occur and why these changes might occur. What does the future hold for age of first marriage, divorce rates, remarriage rates, cohabitation, staying single? Singlism If you would like to expand on the box in the textbook on singlism, DePaulo and Morris (2005) explored this in an article published in Psychological Inquiry. They discussed the kinds of prejudices and stereotypes singles face and discussed some reasons why those stereotypes may persist despite evidence that many singles have very happy lives. DePaulo also published a book on singlism titled Singled out: How singles are stereotyped, stigmatized, and ignored and still live happily ever after. DePaulo, B.M. (2006). Singled out: How singles are stereotyped, stigmatized, and ignored and still live happily ever after. New York: St. Martin’s Press. DePaulo, B.M. & Morris, W. (2005). Singles in society and in science. Psychological Inquiry, 16, 57–83. Facebook How do modern technologies such as mobile phones and Facebook dictate relationships in our lives? As the textbook says, our grandparents did not have mobile phones, so it wasn’t necessary to develop rules about this technology. What effect does having constant access to each other have on relationships today? How and why does the public declaration of a relationship, such as on Facebook, matter? What are the differences between Facebook or online relationship statuses and real life relationship statuses? Cohabitation: Beliefs and Research As described in the textbook, many young adults believe that cohabitation would be helpful to marriage, as it could help partners know whether or not they are compatible living partners before marriage. Ask students to discuss in small groups why there is a gulf between the expectations high school seniors have about cohabitation and the reality of cohabitation. Have them consider the variables that might correlate to these expectations (e.g., education level, media portrayals, family history, and experience in relationships). Discuss these ideas with the full class. For Your Consideration Ask students to form small groups and discuss the scenario of Mark and Wendy presented at the end of the chapter (For Your Consideration). Ask them to do the following: Project where Mark and Wendy’s relationship will be 10 years from now based on the reading. If you decide Mark and Wendy are still together, what are their long-term prospects of being happy together? Report your group’s assessment to the full class citing specific concepts or research that supports your positions. Mental Hygiene View an old Mental Hygiene movie and discuss gender roles and relationship norms shown in the movie. How have gender roles and relationship norms changed? These movies, produced by the United States government in the 1940s and 1950s, are very informative about the relationship norms of the times. These can generate animated class discussion about changing gender roles and relationship norms. Most of the films are short (10–20 minute range) and easily incorporated in a single session. For example, Dating: Does and Don’ts (1949) is only 13 minutes long. Many films directly relate to intimate relationships mentioned in the text and the following are just a sample: Are You Popular? Are You Ready for Marriage? Beginning to Date, Date Etiquette, Going Steady, How Do You Know It’s Love? How Much Affection? What to Do on a Date, How to Say No. Several of these films are available for viewing on YouTube. Simply search “Mental Hygiene.” Assignments/Student Projects Your Relationships Assignment When we think about relationships, we think about our own lives and the relationships we are currently experiencing or experienced in the past. Ask students to write about the following: What comes to mind for you when you think about relationships? Take a journey and briefly describe your life’s relationships. You can work from the present backward or from the earliest relationship you remember forward to the present. This may seem like a list that cannot possibly convey what you know about these experiences, so think of this exercise as a starting point in promoting your own discovery about the many dynamics and dimensions of relationships. Intimate Relationship Interviews To promote students’ thought about what characterizes intimate relationships, provide them with the following assignment: The concept of intimate relationships is multifaceted. Understanding what intimacy means can include diverse aspects. Be your own detective: ask six or more people what they consider the key aspects of close relationships. Do NOT mention the word intimacy. Make a list of the responses you gather, and if the response includes intimacy, ask him/her to define what it means. Bring your list of responses to class for a discussion of the nature of intimacy. Popular Culture and Intimate Relationships Assignment As a project for this chapter or for a semester-long project ask students to find songs, news clippings, magazine ads, videos, cartoons, or political literature that depicts the view of intimate relationships in today’s culture. If you are focusing on just this chapter, you could ask students to find such media for today and some from previous eras and provide a comparison. If you do this throughout the semester, discuss how the depictions in popular culture may influence our view of the various aspects of intimate relationships described in the textbook (e.g., depiction of violence against women and the information from Chapter 12). How My Partner Sees Me Ask students to complete the How My Partner Sees Me scale (Table 1.3) for a current or past relationship. After completing the scale they should write a short report about how low self-esteem could relate to their scores. In class, in small groups, ask students to discuss how they saw the connections between self-esteem and relationships. In Chapter 4 (Social Cognition), you could bring this topic up again in a discussion of confirmation bias. Need to Belong Baumeister and Leary’s (1995) article on the need to belong is very accessible for undergraduate students. Ask students to read the article and respond to it. Baumeister, R.F. & Leary, M.R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117, 497–529. CHAPTER 2 RESEARCH METHODS Learning Objectives At the conclusion of Chapter 2, students should be able to: 1. Clearly explain why no research study is perfect. 2. Give a history of the study of relationships including the prevailing attitude of psychologists in the first half of the twentieth century, the emphasis on laboratory experiments in the 1960s, and how the nature of relationship research has evolved since the 1960s. 3. Delineate three sources and two types of research questions. 4. Compare convenience sampling to representative sampling and discuss how volunteer bias can detrimentally affect both. 5. Describe the two different designs (correlational and experimental) available for answering questions about relationships, and the strengths and weaknesses of each. 6. Distinguish between laboratory and everyday environments, give the pros and cons of each, and discuss the study of “real” versus “as if” behavior. 7. Describe different types of data (self-reports, observations, physiological measures, and archival data), noting advantages and disadvantages of various techniques. Know when self-report is most accurate. 8. Enumerate the key safeguards for the welfare of participants in relationship research, relating these safeguards to the effects research participation can have on participants, how people feel about their experiences as research participants in studies on couples, and the benefits of research. 9. Explain statistical significance and meta-analysis, indicating why they are valuable in accumulating knowledge about relationships. 10. Specify the unique challenges and complexities presented by data obtained in relationship studies (interdependence of data and three sources of influence). 11. Discuss how new technology aids the study of relationships. Discuss some of the advantages and disadvantages of high-tech methods such as IVEs. Class Activity/Discussion Ideas Thoughts about Relationships in History Relationship science dates back to Aristotle. In small groups, have students discuss comments, literature, poems, and procedures used by the various early philosophers and intellectuals to qualify these historic ideas. What criteria did they ponder (e.g., beauty, faithfulness, love)? How did they support or analyze ideas? How is early philosophy different from and similar to today’s contemporary material? Dating Research As described in the textbook, participation in a research on relationships can influence the relationships being studied. As a class, discuss: Would you participate in a dating research project? Would you participate in a sexual laboratory research study? Do you think participants in relationship and sexuality research are representative samples? Why or why not? Alternatively, have students read the scenario presented in the final section of the chapter For Your Consideration. How might Chris and Kelsey’s participation in that study impact their relationship? Was the study done ethically? Is Relationship Science Research Ethical: Panel Discussion Form a classroom panel and discuss the topic “Is Relationship Science Research Ethical?” Assign or have students volunteer to be a panel member or an audience member, and instruct the panel members on the criteria they will need to prepare for the discussion. Also, inform the audience members how to prepare questions to ask the panelists. Research on College Students Hold a classroom debate on the following topic: Many research studies on relationships include college students as participants; however, the number of United States citizens who complete a college degree is small (about a third by recent estimates). How might the characteristics of those people who never attend college differ from those who attend or complete a degree? Could these differences affect the conclusions made about the nature of relationships (e.g., dating and reciprocity, gender roles, sexuality, couples therapy)? Also, how might relationship variables change for those who completed college compared to those who are still in college (e.g., money, time, availability of dating partners, similarity among members of the social network)? Design a Study In small groups, have students develop a (make-believe) research question and choose a design that suits the study. They should discuss why that particular design might be best for their research question, paying particular attention to the pros and cons of the design and how that relates to issues with participants, setting, validity, and reliability. Relationship Assessment Scale To get students thinking about why researchers make the choices they do, ask them to get into small groups and examine The Relationship Assessment Scale presented in Table 2.2. Within their group, have them think about why the researchers reversed the coded items four and seven. What role might such techniques have in the use of self-report measures? Are there any drawbacks of doing this? Let’s Get Married In the discussion about the place of research in government policy, you could show some or all of the Frontline report Let’s Get Married. The report discusses various initiatives about marriage across the country and introduces the viewer to a number of individuals who have been or are thinking of marrying. http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/marriage/ Assignments/Student Projects Relationship Information Online As a way to get students to think about the relationship information they consume, ask them to visit several websites that offer relationship advice. Have them answer the following questions: Did these websites seem to offer legitimate advice about relationships? Why or why not? What evidence did they provide that the ideas presented on the site would be helpful? Is that evidence legitimate? Media Reports Find an article from a print or online news source that relates to an issue in relationship science. Have students read that article and think critically about the issue. For example: What conclusions does the author make about this issue? What does he/she cite for backing up those conclusions? Are your interpretations of the results the same as the author’s? What questions do you have about the designs and conclusions? Don’t the Girls Get Prettier Before the assignment, make a copy of the article (listed below), based on the Mickey Gilley song, Don't the Girls Get Prettier at Closing Time, available to the students (e.g. on reserve at the library). Discuss the design of The Relationship Assessment Scale and suggest a follow-up study that includes design changes. Researchers published a number of follow-up studies, so search and bring these articles to class. In addition, discuss whether or not the researchers of the follow-up studies used their design suggestions or added ones they did not mention. Finally, comment on any ethical issues involving this line of research. Pennebaker, J. W., Dyer, M. A., Caulkins, R. S., Litowitz, D. L., Ackerman, P. L., Anderson, D. B., & McGraw, K. M. (1979). Don't the girls get prettier at closing time: A country and western application to psychology. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 5, 122–125. Dating Research Rather than (or in addition to) discussing desire to be part of dating research in class, ask students to reflect on this for themselves. Then have students ask others the same questions to see what kinds of questions or comments they might bring up. In a final written report students should provide their own reflection, the responses of those they asked, and a discussion of how the responses they obtained relate to scientific methods necessary in conducting research. Design a Study Assignment Rather than having students design a study in small groups in class (as suggested above), ask students to design their own research study, either with a research question you provide or one of their own choice. Students should describe why they chose a particular design, pointing out the pros and cons of that technique. They should describe the technology that they would use and how it would improve the study. CHAPTER 3 ATTRACTION Learning Objectives At the conclusion of Chapter 3, students should be able to: 1. Differentiate between direct and indirect rewards. 2. Give evidence for and exceptions to the principles of proximity, convenience, and familiarity in attraction. 3. Discuss physical attractiveness including (a) the proposition that “what is beautiful is good” (b) the factors that lead us to judge others as attractive, (c) the evolutionary perspective on attractiveness, (d) how attractiveness influences liking, (e) for whom physical attractiveness is more and less important, (f) how culture plays into attractiveness, (g) the beneficial versus detrimental effects physical attractiveness has when we are interacting with others, and (h) matching. 4. Understand the impact facial and body symmetry can have on our assessments of attractiveness. 5. Describe the phenomenon of reciprocity in liking and relate the desirability formula to reciprocity as well as to the matching principle. 6. Identify the domains in which we are attracted to people similar to ourselves. 7. Elaborate on the subtleties in the way similarity operates that may mislead people into thinking that “opposites attract.” 8. Explain the concept of complementarity and identify specific forms of complementarity that may foster attraction. 9. Discuss the theory of reactance and identify situations in which forbidden partners may seem more attractive. 10. Discuss the characteristics that men and women are looking for in mates. Class Activity/Discussion Ideas Online As an introduction to a discussion of how individuals represent themselves online, using Facebook or with online dating profiles, play Brad Paisley’s song Online. The lyrics describe a young man who lives at home, has a dead-end job, and is short and overweight but he has a marvelous life online. Beautiful but Dangerous The overall bias regarding physical attractiveness is toward believing good things of those who are beautiful. One place where the beautiful may be at some disadvantage is in the judgments others make about their likelihood of reoffending for crimes related to attractiveness. Sigal and Ostrove (1975) addressed this in a study involving college students. The participants were given a packet of information about a crime, along with a picture of an unattractive or an attractive woman (or no picture, for the control group). When Barbara, the offender, supposedly perpetrated a swindle, a crime related to beauty, participants gave her an average sentence of 5.45 years if she was attractive and an average sentence of 4.35 years if she was unattractive (4.35 years for the control group). If Barbara supposedly perpetrated a burglary, a crime unrelated to attractiveness, she got an average sentence of 2.80 years if she was attractive, 5.20 years if she was unattractive (5.10 years for the control group). Sigal, H. & Ostrove, N. (1975). Beautiful but dangerous: Effects of offender attractiveness and nature of the crime on juridic judgment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 31, 410–414. Get an Ugly Girl to Marry You For a humorous take on attractiveness and liking, begin a class with the song Get An Ugly Girl to Marry You (performed by Harry Belafonte and the Coasters). Love at First Sight Present the following scenario to your students: You see someone you are attracted to, and you spend the day with him or her. You are “head over heels” over this, “love of your life.” You... “have been looking all of your life”...for this person. You “know this is it!” Have students discuss in small groups how long does it take two people to be in (experience) love. Using their textbooks they should identify the kinds of things you might discover about a person after you “fell in love” that contradicts the initial idea of being in love. Positive Attitudes and Contact Studies have shown that heterosexual people who actually know gay men or lesbians have more positive attitudes toward homosexuals than heterosexuals who have no contact with gays or lesbians. In small groups, have students discuss and explore this finding. What are the indicators that support this concept? For Your Consideration Form small groups and discuss the scenario about Rasheed and Rebecca presented at the end of the chapter. Based on this chapter, what does the date and the future hold for Rasheed and Rebecca? Have each small group report the group’s assessment to the full class citing specific concepts or research that supports their positions. Video Suggestions A number of videos explore the impact of beauty on interpersonal attraction, and these can complement this chapter. For example, the second episode of The Human Face series, narrated by John Cleese, concerns beauty from both a biological and social perspective. Other video series that address this interplay include The Science of Love, narrated by relationships researcher Art Aron and aired by The Learning Channel, and Survival of the Prettiest, which contains small segments from noted researchers and theorists aired by Discovery Channel. Many of these can be found on YouTube and there are certainly others. Ask students to find a clip of their own and share their findings with the class. Assignments/Student Projects Proximity and Liking To get students to think about how proximity influences liking, have them partially replicate Festinger, Schachter, and Back’s (1950) study by asking a number of people on-campus who they are closest friends with and where they live in relation to those people. Discuss these findings as a class. Absence and Love Prior to covering the effect of distance on relationships, ask student to survey six to ten people, ages 15 and older, to assess their opinion on the belief that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Students should then reflect on what information in this chapter supports or denies the truth of this popular quote. Were the participants in their survey accurate in their beliefs? Finally, the students should describe their own opinion both before and after doing this exercise. Reality TV and Liking Reality television shows often have examples of the factors of attraction. Ask students to watch a few episodes of a reality show (e.g., The Bachelor, Keeping Up with the Kardashians) and write a report on what they saw and how it had its effect. When Harry Met Sally The movie When Harry Met Sally contains a large number of themes from the text and this chapter in particular. As an assignment, have students watch the movie and discuss, in a short paper or essay, the themes from this chapter portrayed in the movie (e.g., men and women cannot be friends, opposites attract, the exchange of equitable traits such as beauty, wealth, personality traits). Ask them to use specific examples from the movie and explain how the examples are consistent or inconsistent with the research presented in the chapter. This could also be a class activity. What Do Men and Women Want? To get students thinking about sex or gender differences ask them to complete the following assignment: On a sheet of paper, make two columns with the following titles: “What do women want?” and “What do men want?” Inform your participants that you are asking about what people find attractive. Put your ideas on the first line, and then ask family, friends, and others about their ideas. What can you conclude? Did you find that people wanted to know such information as “Is this inquiry about personal opinion in general or relationships?” Reflect on what your participants said about differences. Were they accurate? Dating for Dummies Before the assignment, select a sampling of self-help books on dating (e.g., Dating for Dummies) and make them available to students (e.g., place them on reserve in the library). Have students select and read the chapter/s that address aspects of attracting and securing a dating partner or mate. In a paper or in a class discussion, discuss how closely the suggestions in the reading(s) correspond to the recommendations based on empirical research presented in the text. CHAPTER 4 SOCIAL COGNITION Learning Objectives At the conclusion of Chapter 4, students should be able to: 1. Discuss why first impressions often are automatic, influenced by demographic or stereotypic cues, and resistant to change. 2. Discuss the role confirmation bias plays in establishing new relationships and perpetuating initial assessments of existing relationships. 3. Specify how positive illusions can benefit our relationships. 4. Identify the characteristics of relationship-enhancing and distress-maintaining attributions and their prevalence during the course of a relationship. 5. Differentiate between the reconstructive memories of content versus unhappy couples and explain the impact of shared reconstructions on a relationship. 6. Describe what is meant by a dysfunctional beliefs and list examples. 7. Describe the impact destiny beliefs and growth beliefs have on the course of relationships and the role that attachment styles play. 8. Map out the steps in self-fulfilling prophecies using an example (e.g., physical attractiveness, social class, a personality characteristic, expectations or memories from past relationships). Recognize how misplaced expectations can block relationships from starting and comment on how false expectations influence relationships over time. 9. Understand the distinction between self-enhancement and self-verification motives and their relevance to selecting partners that support existing self-concepts. 10. Specify two reasons why we engage in impression management. Describe ingratiation, self-promotion, intimidation, and supplication as four impression management strategies. Discuss two noteworthy features of impression management in close relationships. 11. Identify the relational advantages and disadvantages of being either a very high or very low self-monitor. 12. Explain how accurately we perceive our partners, giving a brief description of each factor (i.e., knowledge, motivation, partner legibility, perceiver ability, threatening perception, and perceiver influence) and specifying each factor’s association with accuracy. 13. Understand that, like it or not, our judgments do matter. Class Activity/Discussion Ideas Primacy Effect To introduce the primacy effect (a tendency to remember the first information we receive about others) and how it shapes our impressions of others, ask students to think about the people they have met in your class. For this: Make a list of as many of these people (students and instructor) as you can, and next to their names write down several descriptors. How did you determine the judgments that you have written? Do the descriptors adequately reflect your first impressions of these people? Positive Illusions As the textbook notes, lovers often formulate positive illusions about their partners. In small groups, have students discuss the concept of disillusionment that disappoints couples; include the dissatisfaction of newlyweds in the discussion. How might this same unrealistic and idealized vision also be a positive aspect of the relationship? Self-Serving Role Play In small groups, have students to create a script that depicts a self-serving bias. Ask each group to present their scenarios to the class with every member of the group role-playing a character. Groups should not tell which self-serving bias they are playing but have fellow classmates identify the bias and how the key characteristics are represented in the script. Attributions To help students understand different attributions, provide some examples and ask student to come up with their own examples. For instance, in explaining why they did poorly in a math test they might say, “I only did poorly on the differential calculus questions because I was sick the day, we talked about that. I’m sure I’ll do better in other tests.” This would be an attribution to an unstable cause (I was sick), specific rather than global (only affects differential calculus), and an internal cause (I did it, it wasn’t the teacher or the test). When you have come up with a variety of these attributions, discuss self-serving biases and which of these attributions are self-serving. Dr. Phil and Self-Serving Attributions Self-serving explanations of events are common on shows like Dr. Phil. Find a recent episode of that show or another self-help talk show and discuss how the self-serving attributions influence the actions of the individuals on the show. Destiny Beliefs The textbook differentiates destiny beliefs from growth beliefs. As a class, discuss where destiny beliefs and growth beliefs might originate and how a relationship researcher might go about studying the source of these beliefs. Destiny beliefs, for example, may be partially rooted in the message of fairy tales or popular romantic movies. Researchers who believe this is one of the sources of these beliefs might investigate whether individuals who had more exposure to fairy tales as a child have stronger destiny beliefs. Discuss which of these beliefs might be dysfunctional. When Harry Met Sally If you watched the movie When Harry Met Sally earlier (suggested in Chapter 3), bring the film back into class and watch the last few minutes of the film as Harry and Sally recount the history of their relationship. Discuss the “reconstructive” nature of their memories. Have Harry and Sally committed any reconstructive errors and do they follow the pattern suggested by the research? Narcissism Scale Ames, Rose, and Anderson (2006) developed a short, 16-question measure of narcissism. In your discussion of narcissism and relationships, ask students to fill out this scale and discuss what this may reveal about them and their relationships. Ames, D.R., Rose, P., & Anderson, C.P. (2006). The NPI-16 as a short measure of narcissism. Journal of Research in Personality, 40, 440–450. Emotional Intelligence If you have a budget for scales you might administer the MSCEIT (Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test) to your class. Beware of other scales; the MSCEIT is the only real ability measure of intelligence. The website for the scale provides examples of the type of items found in the test: http://www.emotionaliq.org/MSCEIT-Sample.htm John D. Mayer also maintains a website with information on emotional intelligence: http://www.unh.edu/emotional_intelligence/ For Your Consideration Remind students of the scenario presented at the end of the chapter (For Your Consideration). In small groups, have students discuss the likely future of Martha and Gale’s relationship. How might they salvage a friendship from a bad first impression? Given the research presented in the chapter, why might this be difficult? Assignments/Student Projects Impression Management To promote reflection on concepts in the book, ask students to describe the various impression management behaviors identified in the book in their own words and explain the strategies that people use that demonstrate this behavior (i.e., engage in self-promotion). What are the advantages and disadvantages of possibly “staging” or “misrepresenting” oneself? Finally, ask students to describe how they may use impression management to represent themselves to friends, family, and partners. Self-Monitoring Ask student to fill out the self-monitoring scale in Table 4.2. Given their score and their own knowledge of their behavior, they should answer the following questions: Do you self-monitor your behavior? Does the score you received surprise you? Why or why not? Do you think the score accurately describes you? Did you manage your impression as you were filling out the scale? If so, what might this say about your impression management tendencies? Bridget Jones’ Diary Watch the movie Bridget Jones’ Diary, and in a short paper or essay, discuss the main character (Bridget) in terms of her romantic beliefs, self-monitoring tendencies, destiny beliefs, and any indications of narcissism. You will have to use characterization of her past as well as her behavior in her two potential relationships to address some of these issues. Use specific examples from the movie and link them to research or concepts presented in this chapter. This assignment can be shortened by using only one of the three topics. CHAPTER 5 COMMUNICATION Learning Objectives At the conclusion of Chapter 5, students should be able to: 1. Depict a simple model of interpersonal communication and explain how the talk table technique helps researchers get at its components. 2. Explain the functions that nonverbal communications serve in providing information, regulating interaction, defining relationships, interpersonal influence, and impression management. 3. Describe the seven channels of nonverbal communication (facial expression, gaze, body movement, touch, interpersonal distance, smell, and paralanguage) and detail the information each provides and each channel’s demographic correlates. 4. Explain how nonverbal accuracy predicts marital satisfaction and the role played by husbands and wives when miscommunication occurs. 5. Describe flirting as nonverbal communication and how it can lead to misunderstandings. 6. Present the social penetration model of self-disclosure. 7. Comment on (a) what happens to the breadth and depth of disclosure when couples dissolve their relationships, (b) the value of secrecy and selective disclosure (i.e., avoiding taboo topics) in close relationships, and (c) the link between self-disclosure and liking. 8. Give a synopsis of gender differences in topics of verbal communication, styles of conversation, self-disclosure, instrumentality/expressivity, and the interpretation of emotionally neutral interactions. 9. Provide an evidence-based analysis of whether gender differences in self-disclosure are due to biological or learned/cultural differences. Note the role of androgyny in gender differences for expressivity. 10. Describe the dysfunctional communication patterns of unhappily married partners, including kitchen-sinking, drifting off-beam, mindreading, interrupting, yes-butting, cross complaining, and displaying negative affect during interactions (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, and belligerence). 11. Suggest ways to communicate that can make things better rather than worse: I and XYZ statements, active listening (including paraphrasing and perception checking), being polite and staying cool, and respect and validation of our partners. Class Activity/Discussion Ideas Nonverbal Behavior in Relationships After reviewing Table 5.1, Functions of Nonverbal Behavior in Relationships, ask students to form small groups. In those groups they should role-play the examples and verbally identify the dynamics being expressed (e.g., lovers standing close to one another). As they role-play, they should vary the relationships they portray and discuss how non-verbal communication can be interpreted differently depending upon the relationship between the people. After role playing, discuss how expectations and anticipation can help or hinder communication. Interpersonal Gap in Hitch As an example of a time when an interpersonal gap is evident in a movie, show a clip from the movie Hitch (2005; Columbia Pictures). Toward the end of the film, Alex “Hitch” Hitchens (played by Will Smith) realizes that he is in love with Sara Melas (played by Eva Mendes). He goes to her apartment to tell her and, although he seems to know what he wants to communicate, both Sara and the viewer are confused as he stumbles through his declaration of love. Head Wobble One example of a body movement that means different things in different countries is the head wobble. Most Americans would interpret someone wobbling their head from side to side as a sign of confusion or equivocation. In India this gesture is a sign of assent. A quick search of YouTube will likely yield many examples of this if your students are unfamiliar with it. Will and Grace If you would like to discuss the box on nonverbal behavior and sexual orientation you could begin the discussion with a clip from the television show Will and Grace. In Season 1, Episode 16 (Titled Yours, Mine or Ours) Will and Grace fight over a new neighbor, each convinced he is attracted to and shares their sexual orientation. Distance As an example of how different levels of personal distance feel like, pair students and ask them to converse for 2 minutes within the zone of intimate distance (18 inches or less). Then ask them to communicated at personal distance (between 18 inches and 4 feet) and then at social distance (4 feet to 12 feet). Discuss comfort level at each of these distances. Self-Disclosure In small groups, ask students to explore the ways people use self-disclosure to communicate, whether it is in a close relationship or to a stranger. When are you most comfortable self disclosing? What does vulnerability mean regarding self-disclosure? Are you a good listener? How might trust be expressed when self-disclosing or listening? Coming Out If you have a friend who would be willing to share their experience of coming out as a gay or lesbian, invite that person to class to tell his or her story. At what point in their life did they realize they were gay or lesbian? Who did they tell? When did they come out to their parents and friends? It would be particularly interesting to bring in both a younger and an older person and discuss how their experiences were different. Video Suggestions Several productions by the BBC and Discovery Channel provide compelling examples of research in the area of nonverbal communication. The four part series Faces and the two part series The Lying Game, both provide commentary by noted researchers in the field as well as experimental reenactments. Availability of these videos has declined in recent years, but clips are available on YouTube. A quick search can find a variety of other helpful sources. For Your Consideration Form small groups and discuss the scenario presented in the For Your Consideration section at the end of the chapter. Based on the reading consider what the future might hold for James and Judy’s relationship. Small group assessments can then be reported to the full class with specific concepts or research that supports the positions described. Assignments/Student Projects Decoding Communication As an assignment, ask students to develop examples of communication between people in close relationships that can be coded and decoded in several ways. They should provide the examples and how they may convey different messages in a written report. In class, ask for volunteers to role-play their examples and have classmates identify the meanings. Online Friends In exploring self-disclosure and communication over the Internet, ask students to respond to this scenario: Your friend has “met” someone online. Now your friend thinks that he/she has developed a close relationship with this new friend. The communication has been personal and self-disclosing regarding lifestyle and experiences. Your friend wants to meet this Internet-friend. What questions and advice do you have for your friend before they meet? How do you think the communication in-person will differ from the communication via the Internet? Communicating Concern Communicating Sympathy and Concern box reported on communicating comfort to those bereaved or suffering. This section offers six examples. Ask students to respond to each remark and give examples that could be more comforting. Then ask them to do the following: Imagine yourself in a bereaved or suffering experience. What verbal and non-verbal expressions might comfort you? Disagreement Role-Play Either in or outside of the classroom ask students, in groups of four to six, to develop an original script of typical behavior that two people might engage in during a disagreement. In class, have each group role-play the script. As a class or in individual groups, rewrite the scenario to apply new techniques that show how they could handle the scene in a more productive, tolerable manner, using skills such as active listening, paraphrasing, I-statements, and validating. Replay these role-plays with the new techniques inserted to show how disagreements could be handled more productively. CHAPTER 6 INTERDEPENDENCY Learning Objectives At the conclusion of Chapter 6, students should be able to: 1. Define the key concepts of interdependence theory and explain how they relate to one another (rewards, costs, outcomes, satisfaction, CL, Clalt, dependence). 2. Specify how one’s CL, Clalt, and outcomes combine to produce four different types of relationships (happy, stable; happy, unstable; unhappy, stable; unhappy, unstable). Use interdependence theory to explain why our satisfaction with highly rewarding relational outcomes may decline over time. 3. Discuss the relative influence of positive and negative events in relationships and their implications for the rewards-to-cost ratio in successful marriages. 4. List the four types of relationships. 5. Understand the independent roles that approach and avoidance dimensions have on producing feelings of contentment in a relationship. 6. Explain the idea of interdependency. 7. Depict and compare communal versus exchange relationships. Explain how the magnanimous actions of communal partners can be reconciled with the interdependence view of relationships. 8. Elucidate the concept of equity and indicate ways someone can restore it. Discuss what equity theorists predict is associated with being overbenefited and cite research that is the actual experience of overbenefited individuals. 9. Describe Rusbult’s investment model of commitment, indicating the factors that foster commitment and the results of commitment in terms of stay/leave decisions and maintenance mechanisms. 10. Explain the different levels of commitment (personal commitment, constraint commitment, moral commitment) and how they work. Class Activity/Discussion Ideas Dependency Dependency may sound like a bad thing to some students—particularly those just gaining independence from parents. Dependency within interdependency theory is generally positive. In small groups, have the students discuss the nature of dependency in the interdependency theory. Explain the concept that partners should thoughtfully protect and maintain the other’s well being. Change and Relationships After discussing the types of relationships possible when outcome, comparison level, and comparison level of alternatives are taken into account, discuss with students what effect change, fluctuation, and expectation might have on relationships. How might an event such as a move or a job change affect a relationship? How do sociocultural influences affect expectations? What outcomes, rewards, and costs do students anticipate or currently experience in their close relationships? Financial Interdependence If you would like to expand on the discussion of interdependence, Mock and Cornelius (2007) published an interesting study on interdependence and retirement planning in married, cohabitating heterosexual couples, and lesbian couples. They found that all couples were interdependent in their planning for retirement, particularly the lesbian couples. Mock, S.E. & Cornelius, S.W. (2007). Profiles of interdependence: The retirement of married, cohabitating, and lesbian couples. Sex Roles, 56, 793–800 Approach and Avoidance Processes To increase familiarity with approach and avoidance processes, ask students to describe a relationship that might be in each quadrant of Figure 6.4. For example, a couple that has been married for 40 years and works together in a thriving family business may fit into the top right quadrant. Communal and Exchange Relationships The difference between communal and exchange relationships can become clear with examples. Ask students to come up with examples of exchange relationships and examples of communal relationships. They should then share those with a partner. The pair can then decide which are the best examples and share those with the class. For Your Consideration Form small groups and discuss the scenario with Gregg and Gail’s relationship presented at the end of the chapter (For Your Consideration). Based upon this chapter, what does the future hold for their relationship? Have each group report the group’s assessment to the full class citing specific concepts or research that support their positions. Assignments/Student Projects Definitions of Equitable Relationships To get at the difference between lay and research definitions of equitable relationships and get students to think about the textbook discussion of equitable relationships, assign the following: Ask six people to define an equitable relationship. Ask these people how being equitable has worked out in their relationships. Did they share household tasks or trade off one task for another (e.g., I’ll do the lawn if you do the dishes)? How did these arrangements come into being? Discussion or one person just taking on a task? What do these individuals do when or if their relationship is not equitable? Bring findings to class for discussion. Types of Relationships Assignment To help students digest the ideas of comparison levels, comparison levels of alternatives and outcome, and how this plays out for relationships, ask them to complete the following assignment: For each of the types of relationships in Figure 6.1, develop an example of a couple that might fit that type. Make clear in your example where the outcomes, comparison level, and comparison level of alternatives lie and describe the likely outcomes for these relationships. Popular Couples Have students pair up or work in small groups. Each pair should select at least two popular couples portrayed in the media (e.g., Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher, Beyoncé and Jay-Z). They should create a chart of the relationships they selected that resemble the ones presented in Figure 6.1, using knowledge of the couples (from their own knowledge or a popular magazine like People and online gossip blogs) and interdependence theory. For each couple they should explain why the break-up occurred or why the couples will stay together using concepts from interdependence theory (e.g., CL, CLalt, Outcomes). If this is completed outside of class, have students bring in their responses and put some of them on the board and discuss them. CHAPTER 7 FRIENDSHIP Learning Objectives At the conclusion of Chapter 7, students should be able to: 1. Define friendship, noting its affective, communal, and sociable aspects. Differentiate friendship from love using the five components of rewarding intimacy (respect, trust, capitalization, social support, and responsiveness) with special attention to the complexity of social support in close relationships. 2. Identify the rules of friendship and reflect on how likely we are to follow them and whether they are linked to relationship success. 3. Identify the interpersonal needs as stated by Buhrmester and Furman for children over the course of their lives. 4. Portray relationships in the adolescent period of life including evidence from event sampling and attachment studies on the shift from parents to peers. 5. Comment on intimacy in the relationships of young adulthood and discuss how it might change during the transition to college. 6. Explain the nature of dyadic withdrawal in midlife. 7. Explain how socioemotional selectivity theory accounts for the finding that seniors have smaller social networks than younger people. 8. Reflect on why women’s same-sex friendships are more intimate than men’s. Explain the role culture plays in inhibiting intimacy in North American men. 9. Describe the role of individual differences in friendships. Identify the qualities that differentiate the relationships of those with an interdependent self-construal from those who view themselves as independent agents and list the characteristics that make interdependent people desirable friends. 10. Explain that men and women can be close friends even though barriers complicate these cross-sex friendships. Describe the complexities of sexual attraction within a cross-sex friendship. 11. Describe the major elements in the shyness syndrome. Indicate the characteristics that distinguish shy from non-shy individuals and describe the way shy people are in their interactions and social life. Summarize research evidence on how excuses for poor interactions affect the anxiety levels of shy people, and indicate what implications these findings have for whether shyness is a deficit in skills or a deficit in performing skills that one has mastered. 12. Distinguish social loneliness from emotional loneliness. 13. Briefly describe the UCLA Loneliness Scale and the three themes that would produce high loneliness scores. 14. Describe the cycle of feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that seems to solidify or intensify loneliness. Discuss how loneliness and shyness appear similar but differ in several key ways (e.g., interpersonal behaviors). 15. Suggest ways of counteracting the self-defeating thoughts and behaviors associated with loneliness. Class Activity/Discussion Ideas Attributes of Friendships First, in small groups, have students generate ideas about the attributes of friendships. Each member should participate. Next, have one person from each group write their group’s list on the board. Third, as a class put the items on the board in a descending order with most important item first and least important last. Let the students decide how to determine the order (perhaps by voting). Finally, discuss as a class whether these attributes and the order of the attributes might differ for men and women or from culture to culture. Friendship Components The textbook describes rich friendships as including respect, trust, responsiveness, capitalization, social comparison, and social support. To encourage students to think about how these components work, ask them to think about how friendships that do not include one or more of these might function. They could do this in small groups or as a full class. Also ask if this list is missing anything. Do friendships need any other elements? Tend and Befriend Discuss the theory of tend-and-befriend posited by Shelley Taylor and colleagues in their 2000 article. In this article, they described the tendency for much of the research on stress to be done on men and male animals, leading to a bias toward male responses to stress. They described the neuroendocrine response of females and the role of hormones such as oxytocin on maternal and affiliative behaviors. They described the affiliative response of human females under stress and why such responses may be helpful to coping with stress. Taylor, S.E., Klein, L.C., Lewis, B.P, Gruenewald, T.L., Gurung, R.A.G., & Updegraff, J.A. (2000). Biobehavioral responses to stress in females: Tend-and-Befriend, not Fight-o r-Flight. Psychological Review, 107, 411–429. Friendship and the Lifespan As a class, discuss how aspects of friendship may be different in middle age. How might the normative life events (children in school) influence the course of friendship? How might non-normative events during middle adulthood (e.g., loss of a spouse) influence friendship? Discuss the same kind of issues for individuals in old age. What are the features of old age that influence friendships? Do older people have fewer or more friends than they had in previous life periods? What aspects about friendships and relationships are you expecting in your later adulthood? Be careful to point out and discuss stereotypes of old age and of friendship. When Harry Met Sally If you showed the movie When Harry Met Sally for an assignment in Chapter 3 or 4, rewatch the scene where Sally and Harry discuss whether men and women can be friends (at their second meeting, on a plane from New York) and remind the students of the subsequent friendship of the two lead characters. Is this an accurate depiction of cross-sex friendships? What kind of difficulties do cross-sex friends have when they are single? Friendship Rules In class, ask students to examine the Rules of Friendship table (Table 7.2), decide which of the 10 items listed is most important to them, and think about why they chose that item or those items. They should think about a time in their life when that item was important to them in a friendship. Then, in groups of 2 or 3, have students share the aspects of friendships they believe are important and their stories about why those are important. In the group, discuss differences between individuals in what is important and why those differences seem to exist. Discuss whether anyone in the group has changed their mind about which aspects are most important. Relational Self-Construal Scale The Relational Self-Construal Scale is published in Cross, Bacon, and Morris’ (2000) article on relational self-construal. The scale is 11 items long. To expand on your discussion of relational self-construal, make copies of this scale, ask students to fill it out and find their score, and discuss their response to what they find. Cross, S.E., Bacon, P.L., & Morris, M.L. (2000). The relational-interdepentent self- construal and relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 791–808. Lonely Too Begin your discussion of loneliness by playing Lee Ann Womack’s song Lonely Too. In this song she describes the feeling of being cut off from others. Loneliness Scale After completing the UCLA Loneliness Scale, have students pair up with a fellow classmate to discuss responses: Were there aspects about the exercise that initiated frustration, anxiety or fear present within you? Did you experience recent or past memories? Respond to the complexity of loneliness. For Your Consideration Divide the class into small groups and have them discuss the scenario presented in the For Your Consideration section. As a group, based upon their reading of this chapter, answer the question: What does the future hold for Don and Teddi’s friendship? Ask each group to report their assessment to the class citing specific concepts or research that supports their positions. Assignments/Student Projects Friendships Over Time To encourage students to think about friendships and how they work, ask students to do the following exercise before reading the chapter. Have the students return to these after reading the chapter and reflect on what they learn. Assignment: Before reading your textbook take a few minutes to recall who your best friend was when you were a child. What were the dynamics of that relationship? Why did you like/love that person? Is this person still active in your life? If so, how has the relationship changed over time? If not, how did that relationship end? What are you feeling as you recall memories related to this person? Write out your answers to these questions. Now think about a friend you have now. How would you describe the dynamics of that relationship? Why do you like that person? Write out your thoughts to these questions. Movie Friendships Ask the students to watch the movie Good Will Hunting, and in a short paper or essay, discuss how well Hollywood represented friendships in the characters played by Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Using specific examples, which aspects of friendship are accurately presented and which are missing? Which aspects of typical male friendship patterns are represented and which ones are missing? Again, use specific examples from the movie. An alternative, which shows friendship patterns among women, is the Sex and the City series and movies. You can also find themes of friendship and conflict in many other films, from Toy Story to Juno. Survey of Loneliness Before talking about loneliness, ask students to survey six people. They should ask these individuals: When do you feel lonely? What do you do when you are lonely? All students should bring their responses to class. As a class, discuss whether the responses from the survey confirmed research findings. If you would rather get into more of the definitional aspects of loneliness, have students ask six people to define loneliness. If possible they should try to ask people of different ages. Loneliness in Movies Ask students to watch the movie Another Year. In a short paper or essay, they should discuss how well the film represents loneliness in the character of Mary. Using specific examples from the movie, they should identify aspects that the movie presents accurately and note the aspects that are missing from the movie. They should also identify the techniques mentioned in the text that the female character uses to cope with her loneliness, using specific examples from the movie. How does she compare to the other characters in the film, especially Tom and Gerri, their son, and Ken? Shyness on the Web To expand on the discussion of shyness in the text, ask students to visit the Shyness Homepage (www.shyness.com) and explore the resources there. There are a number of shyness related surveys and resources related to shyness. Instructor Manual for Intimate Relationships Rowland Miller 9780077861803